UPJOKE
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Slant Jokes

what is long, has a slanted tip, and pours fluid when in use?

A pen is.

A friend was complaining about Italians. “Damn those Italians and their slanted eyes!”, he said.

I replied, “I think you mean *italics*.

I asked 𝘎𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘪 why he wrote his name all slanted

He told me he was italian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

National slants on the penis

Unlikely as it sounds, an American, a North Korean, a Frenchman, and a Kiwi were all having a drink near the DMZ. And drunken conversation got to the topic of the knob on the end of the penis.

The American said “the knob is on the penis to aid penetration of the female parts”.

The...

Two kittens are on a slanted roof, which one slides off first?

The one with the least mew.

[OC] Three little kittens are sliding slowly of a slanted metal roof. Which one hits the ground first?

The one with the littlest mew.

(This is a physics joke, by the way. I posted it to /r/physicsjokes shortly after I wrote it, but I thought I'd try here)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two elderly Jewish strangers are standing at adjacent urinals

In a kosher deli in Miami Beach.
Abe: "You're from Brooklyn, aren't you?"

Eli (startled and puzzled) "Yes, but how..."
Abe: "And you attended Temple Beth Shalom, right?"

Eli: "That's remarkable!"

Abe: "And you were circumcised by Rabbi Boronofski, right?"

Eli: "This...

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A young lady in the maternity ward is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth of her child.

“I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "Okay do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either".

"Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached to anyone. I'll be having my baby on my own".

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sitting on a public toilet when I heard a Voice from the next cubicle.

"Excuse me, did you by any chance have circumsion from Doctor Smith?"

Surprised, i replied "Why yes but how could you possibly have known?"

"He always cuts on a slant. You're peeing on my shoe."

How can you tell if someone is Asian by their handwriting?

Their i’s are slanted.

[OC] A farmer was wandering around the ranch

He stopped at regular intervals along his wire fence, mumbling to himself.

"Hey Howard, what's up?" His neighbor cruised by on a pickup truck.

"Bill, there's something wrong with my fence." He points to the vertical piece of wood which held up the wire.

"This is exactly identi...

If Mexican restaurants have taught me anything

it’s that people in Mexico only sleep with their back to a cactus while wearing a forward slanted sombrero.

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Three guys go to a luxury resort for a business siminar

This resort happens to have a very high end golf course so they each bring their clubs in the hopes of getting in a round if they get some free time. As luck would have it midweek the day's activities end at lunchtime. So they grab their clubs and head to the clubhouse to see about getting a tee t...

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A woman was about to give birth

Nurse: Do you want your husband to be in the delivery room?

Woman: Unfortunately, I don't have a husband.

N: Maybe your boyfriend?

W: Nope, I don't have that either.

N: Erm, maybe the person who was involved in this?

W: I'm sorry but I am with no one and will be al...

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College pregnancy

A college girls rushes to the hospital. Her water has just broke and she is now in labour. As she begins to push, the doctor asks if the father should be present. She answers “I’m not really sure who the father is. You see, I was having a hard time paying for my college tuition. To make some quick c...

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