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Android Jokes

Why do Adam and Eve use Android?

Because Eve violated the apple terms and conditions.

Android group chats be like

Laughed at “Android group chats be like”

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

Yes, but it takes a lot of ram.

Some say that iOS is better, while some say that Android is better. But at the end of the day...

It is night

Why do thieves prefer to steal Android phones over iPhones?

Because they like to Hangout and not FaceTime.

An android inexplicably shut down in the middle of a bar fight.

She was later arrested and charged with battery.

Google should rename Android to doctor.

Doctors and Apples never got along.

What do you call a melancholy Android?

A sigh borg.

[Unashamed Dad Joke] What do you call an android that was designed specifically to move a small wooden boat around?

A row-bot.

Why is it so hard to determine if an iPhone is better than an Android?

It’s not an Apples to Apples comparison.

iPhone users, don’t bother sending the “Meteor” emoji to your Android friends...

...It won’t have the same impact.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All of the Apple fanboys are missing the main feature they can hold over android users

Their nude pictures are automatically synced to 4chan and reddit.

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

What do you get when you teach Android grammar?

A droid

I wish orange was a common color option for android phones

Would make it easier to compare them to Apples.

what is the difference between java and kotlin Android developers?

Java developers have no fun

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An android phone and an iPhone meet after a year.

iPhone: What......the......fuck.....dude? You.....are.....infested.....with.....malware!! 


Android Phone: Fuckers don't update me. But what happened to you? Why are speaking with a lag? 


iPhone: Fuckers.....updated......me.

Which setting does Captain America search for in his Android Settings?

Language!

To all the Android users who just can't seem to gain administrator access to their devices on their own:

We're rooting for you!

Why does ACDC prefer Android to Apple?

She's Got The Jack

The two men were in an argument about iPhones vs Androids

It was quite the deviceive issue!

What’s the difference between an Apple user and an android user.

Say “nine hundred and eleven” to Siri for the punchline.

What do you call it when the Enterprise's android science officer drives in reverse?

Data backup

Why does Data the android cost Starfleet so much money?

Because Data is enterprise hardware.

the weather app on my android tablet tells me it's sunny outside....

.... and it's the same on my Iphone, but if i look out of my window i can totally see it's raining.
Oh my god, I think i've just proven the superiority of windows over Android and Ios.

What do androids take when they have a cough?

Robotussin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler could've been better with his paintings.

Too bad he didn't believe in mixing colours.

My phone started to act weird when I researched buying a new phone.

It became a Paranoid Android.

Android phone can be so annoying

Just received a notification that my bible needs update, for what exactly?
Has Adam eaten another apple.

Did you know that God uses Android phones?

It's because he made the galaxy and the apple is forbidden.

What's Morris Day's favorite version of Android?

Oh-re-Oreo.

Android lets you use "Lumos" for the flashlight, "Silencio" for the notifications...

but not "Incendio". That is a Samsung exclusive.

What's an Android developer's favourite cereal?

Boot Loops

Last night I dropped my phone on my face...

Well I geuss my android has turned into an eye phone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his land

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.


The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,...

Why do Stormtroopers only have iPhones?

Because they couldn't find the Androids they were looking for!

My buddy was bragging about his Airpods...

He found it amazing that they seamlessly connect from his iPhone to his iPad when he changes devices. I told him that my Jabra does a pretty good job, but it doesn't always get it right because it's connecting to Android, Windows, and iOS devices so it's not an apples to Apples comparison.

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel?

I am Root.

Why doesn't Captain Picard have an iPhone

He already has an android, and it came with a data plan.

What famous humanoid robot wrote Phantom of the Opera?

Android Lloyd Webber

The news about Android banning Huawei is sad. But I know Huawei can fix this.

If there’s a will, there’s Huawei.

The "Lumos/Nox" trick on Android phones is pretty neat. However...

I'd advise the Galaxy Note 7 crowd to avoid "Avada Kedavra."

How are baby androids born?

From their mother's computerus.

Why do androids go to Africa to party?

Because Botswana have fun.

I want it my way

I told my wife she can only get an iPhone, but if she isn't going to get one then I'm just getting her a cheap Android phone. She tried to argue with me, but I wouldn't have it.

I said, "Baby... it's my way or the Huawei."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Amazing Comeback] So I was reading comments on a LGBT friendly add(Android's #AndProud)

> I hate fucking gays
>> Stop having sex with gays then.

The day when my laptop was bored :(

The other day, my laptop asked me "Can we do something **hot,** just turn me on?!"

I replied, "Absolutely!!"

I opened **Android Studio** along with **30 chrome tabs**.





It was the **hottest thing** we ever did.

Have you ever thought of an awesome joke but had to race the final 1% of your battery to post it?

Back when I had an Android I sure did but look at me now, my iPhone still has 27% lef........

Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis

iPhone

Facebook

Google

Amazon

Android

Twitter

Instagram

iPod

Yahoo

YouTube

Snapchat

Spotify

Tesla

Skype

Uber

Airbnb

Bitcoin

Fitbit

Emojis

iPad

and
.

....

What's the best screen grabber for Windows 10?

An Android phone.

How many androids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

They are very efficient and not funny.

Angry Wife

Someone posted this on Funny Droid (Android Application ) :

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!

Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball ba...

Why did the man steal mushrooms from the store?

Because he had no [morels](https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-att-us&hl=en-US&oe=utf-8&safe=images&q=morel+mushrooms&source=browser-suggest&qsubts=1457412200783&action=devloc).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three tech owners are sitting in a room together.

The first, the owner of Samsung, says “I call my phones Androids because I named it after my penis, because it’s a machine!”

The second, Steve Jobs, said, “Me too! I named it Apple because girls like to suck my penis like a candied apple!

Bill Gates slowly stood up, and quietly left th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boudreau goes huntin'

There was these two Louisiana Cajuns on the bayou.

One morning Leroy saw Boudreau in his boat floating down the bayou with a lawnmower in it. "Hey Boudreau the hell you gon do with that lawnmower?" "This here's a John Deere and I'm going deer huntin!"

Leroy shakes his head at Boudreau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After taking a long needed break, Goldilocks decided it was time for some more breaking and entering.

She found an unlocked, unoccupied house and let herself in.

She first found an iPhone 4. "This phone is too small," she said. Then she found an iPhone 6 plus, but that phone was too big. Then she found an iPhone 6, and Goldilocks said, "doesn't anyone here own a fucking Android?"

T...

Why don't robots like apples?

They're androids.

What do iPhone users and Future Trunks have in common?

They both really hate Androids.

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