My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.

It's my way or the Huawei.

I asked my daughter for the news

I asked my daughter to bring me the newspaper. she said I'm too old fashioned and brought me her iPhone. Not getting too much into details, the fly is now dead, the iPhone is broken and my daughter is crying

Scientists have discovered a way to milk sheep.

Just release a new iphone every year.

Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000

... it’s like this gun is magic!

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CAN ADMINS OF THIS SUBREDDIT REDDIT DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A WOMAN. SHE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OB...

People: Why does iPhone 11 camera looks like a stove?

Me: Because Tim Cook

Guys i just recently bought a 512Gb iPhone 11 Pro Max, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 9 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?

Because it has no home button.

How do you say iPhone in Russian?

iVan.

Why isn't there an iPhone 9?

Because ~~seven eight nine~~ 9 is a stupid number and should not exist

I’m trying to come up with an iphone 11 joke...

It’s basically an iphone X joke with a few minor tweaks and improvements

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

A student was playing games on his iPhone

A student was playing games on his iPhone, and a teacher caught him.

she yelled "knock it off"

the student took that advice to heart and founded Huawei

If you see an iPhone getting stolen,

Do you become the iWitness?

What is an iPhone without me?

Phone

My daughter wants a new iPhone so to teach her a lesson...

I told her that she can have one if she washes the dishes, sweeps the floor, takes out the trash, does the laundry, mows the lawn, walks the dog, dusts the shelves and helps me cook every day.

The lesson?

iPhones come form child labour.

Whoever lost their iPhone outside the bar

Please stop ringing my new phone.

My girlfriend made me pick between either the iPhone or her

(Sent from my iPhone)

How do you milk sheep?

With iPhone accessories.

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

My iPhone screen went black but I can still hear my ringtone and answer phone calls

It's just an earPhone now.

Why did the stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

He couldn't find the droid he was looking for.

What happens if you put an iphone in the blender?

You get Apple juice.

A boy shows his new iPhone X to a friend....

The friend is jealous and asked him: "Where did you get it?"

To that the boy replies: "I won it in a race"

The friend, intrigued asks: "Against whom?"

To that the boy replies again: "The phone's owner and two police officers....

I saw this guy today at Starbucks, no iPhone, no tablet, no laptop.

He just sat there drinking coffee.

Like a psychopath.

I wondered for a long time why Apple and Microsoft went straight from iPhone/Windows 8 straight to X/10...

Then it finally occurred to me that 7 ate 9.

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Doesn’t it suck when you’re playing ‘Another One Bites The Dust’ On your iPhone At Full Volume...

...and everyone else at the funeral gets all pissy at you?

iPhone users, don’t bother sending the “Meteor” emoji to your Android friends...

...It won’t have the same impact.

How do you know if someone is a vegan hipster with an iphone that vapes?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

I just donated the contents of my wallet, my iPhone X, and my $10,000 Rolex watch to some poor guy living on the streets.

You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he put his gun back into his pocket.

I recently upgraded to an iPhone X

What can I say? It’s a top notch phone

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Mussolini: Bro how do i turn my iPhone off?

Hitler: Dude just use the Auff-Switch

Why couldn't the statistician afford an iPhone?

He had a very average salary

Apparently you could fold the new IPhone now

Granted, you cant use it afterwards but you could fold it

What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7.

I wish I had an iPhone 7.

I just got the new iPhone for my wife

All things considered a pretty good trade.

Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X

We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year

My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so I’m passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below.

Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.

iPhone vs Samsung

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We'r...

Husband on second day of marriage :-

He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.

Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.

Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this mor...

help: iphone 6s freezes but only when i play song "down with the sickness" any ideas??

edit: thx guys, turns out i was in "Do Not Disturbed" mode

What’s the difference between someone living on the street and the newer IPhone?

None, both of them are homeless

Why are iPhones afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 X

My iPhone 8 Plus is just like a newborn baby

...except I drop it a lot less

If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year

Would it release nine eleven next year

Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all

Judging by how expensive this year's iPhones are...

It's no wonder why they're called the iPhone Excess and iPhone Excess Max

I screamed “hey Siri” to my iPhone not thinking it would work but to my surprise she heard me. I had nothing to say, however, and I felt bad because...

I know I would hate it if someone turned ME on accidentally and did nothing about it.

What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x

He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket

My wife is so ugly...

she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.

I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?"

"...called Apple Juice?!"

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I feel that Apple fucked up their latest iPhone’s name

It should be rightfully named the iPhone XSpensive Max Price

I don't know about the new IPhone XS

It just seems a little excess..

Today I gave a homeless man an iPhone and $500...

You'll never know the joy I felt when he put his gun away.

I was thinking about buying the new iPhone

But with so few new features, I thought the price was a bit excessive.

You know Apple is run by men...

when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it’s only 5.5 inches.

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The iPhone X removes the home button.

Meaning you'll be homeless on several different levels.

How do you sell an iPhone to a Soviet?

Call it ourPhone.

How do you crash a muslims iphone?

Airplane mode

Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

So, my child just broke my new iPhone X screen. So, here’s a give away to a random Redditor!

She’s about 7, can do math and housework. Anyone interested?

I like that it's said iPhone "ten" S

iPhone excess would have been a little on the nose.

I accidentally clicked on a "You've won an iPhone"-popup.

Luckliy it was only a virus.

I really like the iPhone X

It's the only thing that gets turned on by looking at me

Do you know why iPhones have small "i"s?

Cuz they made in China.

*Dad gets a iPhone*

Dad: Son I’m going to jail... I’m going to Face Time

I’m selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

Working for IT is terrible.

You get into a very technical mindset. So much so that everytime you're on a computer you end up with that mindset, therefore saying things differently to the point of other people not understanding.

"Yes" ends up as "Y"

"No" ends up as "N"

"Disease" ends up as "iPhones"

Hi, I'm black, and I can't stand it when people assume we're all criminals

-Sent from your iPhone.

Why didn't Adam buy Eve the new iPhone?

Because Apple have terrible customer service and their products are really expensive.

Why did they call the new iPhone the IPhone XS...

Because you need an excess amount of money to purchase it.

Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?

Because eventually, its cover would be blown.

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.

Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

The new iPhones are at the climax of political correctness

It's not XL, it's XS Max.

What does iPhone Xr stand for?

eXpensive and Ridiculous

Did you hear that Apple is coming out with YET ANOTHER new iPhone model?

Critics are calling it the iPhone Xs.

(Edit: I hate to put this here but: pronounced like “Excess”)

Why do thieves prefer to steal Android phones over iPhones?

Because they like to Hangout and not FaceTime.

Why does the Trump administration like the new iPhone design?

Because Apple de-ported their phones.

Soon enough, Apple will make the brilliant move of following a big trend in the gaming industry...

..."remastering" the ORIGINAL iPhone rather than releasing a new model.

iPhone

Is that IPhone real?

It looks pretty phony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The CEO of Apple came out gay...

Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight

I just bought an iPhone X

It still hurts where my kidney used to me.

Asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”. Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

Turns out I left Airplane mode on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL That ‘App’ is short for ‘Apple’ because they were invented for the iphone

I also learned I make shit up for no reason

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and starts reading the news on his Iphone.

"Wow, 'Twister kills 15 in Oklahoma!" the guy says. "They take that game very seriously there," the bartender replies.

So i beat a guy up with a dead iphone

charged for battery.

Apple just released the new iPhone XS

This new version has a lot of exciting new technologies, but it is also a lot more expensive. Experts are predicting that by the time they get to the iPhone 14, it will not only be grossly overpriced, but it will also have a lot of unnecessary features. They say it will be the iPhone XS IV.

These iPhone names are getting out of hand!

We seem to have an XS

I find that the price of the iPhones to be...

XSsvive...


...I’ll show myself out.

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