UPJOKE
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A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

Guys i just bought a 256GB iPhone 11, my brother dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 6 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

Why do iPhone have a great sense of humor?

Because they crack up easily.

iPhone vs Samsung

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We'r...

Today I gave an iPhone and $500 to a homeless guy.

You will never know the happiness I felt when he put his gun away.

What do new IPhones have in common with San Diego?

No Chargers.

My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.

It's my way or the Huawei.

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What if iPhones auto-corrected duck instead of f*ck?

"I went to the park and fed some fucks by the pond today."

I won an Iphone 13 in a race

The other two competitors are: the owner of the phone and police officers

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

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Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?

Because it has no home button.

I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x

He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket

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Apple announced its plans for a iPhone buttplug

It will be the world's first smart ass phone

Covid is like the iPhone

Made in China but popular in the USA

I bought my 5-year-old a toy iPhone that looks like a real one

Now someone keeps calling about an extended warranty on his Little Tikes car.

I feel sorry for the guy who lost his iPhone 13 Pro on the bus yesterday, I really do…

…but I wish he’d stop calling me on my new cell.

The day he finally came to know his real personality

Was the day when he put his iPhone in his rear pocket and the face ID unlocked the mobile.

Your momma so fat,

She sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad!

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An android phone and an iPhone meet after a year.

iPhone: What......the......fuck.....dude? You.....are.....infested.....with.....malware!! 


Android Phone: Fuckers don't update me. But what happened to you? Why are speaking with a lag? 


iPhone: Fuckers.....updated......me.

Two autocorrecting iPhones walk into a bear

Bard*

BRA*

BOAR*

JESUS %#$&ING CHRISTINA AGUILERA

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Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

The flashlight on my iPhone is like a woman

The slightest touch turns it on

And then I can’t figure out what to do with it

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NSFW, what do you call phone sex on an iPhone?

A Steve job.

The two men were in an argument about iPhones vs Androids

It was quite the deviceive issue!

iPhone Found Dead

Later charged with battery

Michael J Fox stole my old iPhone & hacked his way into it.

I think he’s looking for The Secret of my 6S

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Can the mods of this sub do a better job of monitoring who is allowed in here please?!

We have a new member, an elderly woman. She's been privately messaging people, sending them naked pictures of herself in nasty poses along with close ups of her unmentionables. She is offering an Iphone 11 in exchange for sexual favors. I am especially bothered because it turned out to be an Iphone ...

My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7.

I wish I had an iPhone 7.

What kind of iPhone does Borat have?

A great 6S!

My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away

He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blue hair...

I renamed my iPhone “The Titanic”

So when I plug it in my computer it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

"Dad, if I know where something is..."

"Then it isn't lost, right ?"

"Of course, son !"

"Phew ! Just asking because I accidentally dropped your iPhone in the river."

What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

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Not so fast

One Friday morning, Bill was quietly sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper at the kitchen table when his wife came up from the basement and without warning, smacked him on the side of his head…

"What the Hell was that for?" Bill asked, covering his head with both hands, anticipating a ...

what do you call an iphone's battery?

apple juice

Did you hear about the guy whose been stealing iPhones all over town?

He is going to Face Time soon.

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FUCK! I got caught stealing this iphone

Looks like I'm facing time

What do iPhones eat for breakfast?

Siri-al

(My 7 year old's joke)

What is an iPhone without me?

Phone

My girlfriend made me pick between either the iPhone or her

(Sent from my iPhone)

What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

How to find a lost iPhone

1) Google "Find my phone"

2) Enter Apple's site

3) Login to your account

4) Confirm verification code sent to your phone...

(not a joke, a real story)

Everybody loves the iPhone X, XS and 11 Pro...

Because their top notch

If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year

Would it release nine eleven next year

Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all

Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X

We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year

I just got the new iPhone for my wife

All things considered a pretty good trade.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Because no-one can afford an iPhone AND medical insurance.

Most iPhone owners don't know this one simple trick to save hundreds.

Buys android *

iPhones map app has major problems

iPhone map app has a major problem. The voice directed me to "turn left then bear right" .... but it was really just a cat sitting there.

I’m trying to come up with an iphone 11 joke...

It’s basically an iphone X joke with a few minor tweaks and improvements

What do you call someone who has seen an iPhone being stolen?

An iWitness!

To the person who stole my iPhone

You will face time

My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so I’m passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below.

Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.

What do Shia LaBeouf and an iPhone cord have in common?

They both have a charge for battery.

Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my iPhone “Titanic”

Going to wait till it syncs, then Jack off.

Apple better watch its quarterly earnings, its latest iPhone has competition

It's called Charmin Ultra Soft

A student was playing games on his iPhone

A student was playing games on his iPhone, and a teacher caught him.

she yelled "knock it off"

the student took that advice to heart and founded Huawei

iPhone X has face recognition...

so girls aren't gonna be able to unlock their phones when they take their makeup off

What happens if you put an iphone in the blender?

You get Apple juice.

How do you milk sheep?

Release new iPhone with less accessories

Girl: How do you know Apple is run by men? Because they call it the iPhone 6+ when it's only 5.5 inches long

Guy: Of course it's run by men, it's a trillion dollar company, not a kitchen

Why was the iPhone wearing glasses?

It lost all its contacts.





Part of my WFH agreement is that I have to check in with my Director (I'm IT PM) every day, so rather than just saying "morning - I'm on!" I am sending her a silly IT joke :D Any good suggestions?

If the FBI needs to get into someones's iPhone without permission..

They should just call U2 and ask how they did it

The next iPhone won't be a failure

In fact, it'll be a huge 6S.

I'm like an iPhone

I lose energy without doing nothing

Did you hear that Apple is coming out with YET ANOTHER new iPhone model?

Critics are calling it the iPhone Xs.

(Edit: I hate to put this here but: pronounced like “Excess”)

I really like the iPhone X

It's the only thing that gets turned on by looking at me

I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?"

"...called Apple Juice?!"

I’m selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mussolini: Bro how do i turn my iPhone off?

Hitler: Dude just use the Auff-Switch

What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space.

Successful

I got a free iPad and iPhone today.

It's like... this gun is magic!!!

iPhone users, don’t bother sending the “Meteor” emoji to your Android friends...

...It won’t have the same impact.

How do you know if someone is a vegan hipster with an iphone that vapes?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

People: Why does iPhone 11 camera looks like a stove?

Me: Because Tim Cook

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

Do you know why iPhones have small "i"s?

Cuz they made in China.

So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it.

Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.

I was thinking about buying the new iPhone

But with so few new features, I thought the price was a bit excessive.

What’s the difference between someone living on the street and the newer IPhone?

None, both of them are homeless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

What do Trump and the iPhone have in common?

NVM, we should never compare Apples to oranges.

help: iphone 6s freezes but only when i play song "down with the sickness" any ideas??

edit: thx guys, turns out i was in "Do Not Disturbed" mode

My iPhone 8 Plus is just like a newborn baby

...except I drop it a lot less

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Any body got a good go to story when on a date to make them laugh … here s mine .. true story buckle up

So I went on holiday to Benidorm with my mate Paul

Now we’re on the beach , red hot day and I’m laid there getting nicely frazzled with a cold beer in one hand and an iPhone in the other hand ,watching the sun give it its best

Now ,all of a sudden my mate Paul gets up and says
<...

My son deystroyed my new iphone 11 but i am still giving it away

It is a 8 year old nice looking boy

Apple is advertising the new iPhone as "The most powerful four inches ever."

I can't believe they stole my slogan.

What is the most common question asked by iPhone users?

"Does anyone have a charger I could use?"

Why doesn't Captain Picard have an iPhone

He already has an android, and it came with a data plan.

It turns out the iPhone 7 is illegal.

It got de-ported

Why are iPhones afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 X

My boyfriend is like an iPhone 7

Just jacks off

Judging by how expensive this year's iPhones are...

It's no wonder why they're called the iPhone Excess and iPhone Excess Max

Have you seen the new iPhone card trick?

It's the one where all the jacks dissappear

You know why the iPhone X is the biggest leap forward ever?

Because they skipped 9.

Apparently you could fold the new IPhone now

Granted, you cant use it afterwards but you could fold it

The iPhone 6S+ has been doing really well so far...

It seems to be a huge 6S

What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?

They both let me stick it in only one place.

It took guts to buy the new iPhone X

Specifically, both my kidneys, my pancreas, and my large intestine.

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