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Clone Jokes

Cloning ethics question.

Cloning yourself and pushing your clone off a cliff to its death is probably a crime, but what crime is it?

Is it murder?

Suicide?

Or making an obscene clone fall?

If you were a white guy who lost his clone, where would you go.

India, cause that's where white people find themselves.

What did Han Solo name his clone?

Han Duo

Have you heard of the guy who bragged about how he ate his clone?

He's just so full of himself.

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Clone sex

If you clone yourself and have sex with the clone is that incest or masturbation.

Asking for a friend.

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Did you hear about the scientist who attempted to clone himself for his own sexual pleasure?

He had done great strides towards his goal over the years. But after the most recent attempt, he finally topped himself.

I had a fling with my clone back in the 80s

Dating myself a little, there.

A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility....

It was to be the biggest scientific press conference of the decade.

Geneticist Rick Hallorann spoke to the crowds of reporters, camera flashes illuminating his face.

"The time has finally come for the first human cloning experiment to be performed," he began. "The technology for us to clone humans has been around since the eighties - but only now, after plent...

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Cloning

A rich assholish guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've decided that I'm going to have myself cloned," he smugly tells the bartender. "Well," the bartender replies. "Wouldn't that be just like you...."

*clone of me* quick! shoot her! she’s the clone!

my friend who’s known me since birth: ...

my friend who knows every aspect of me: ...

my boyfriend: ...

my sister: ...

my brother: ...

everyone consecutively: you’re the clone! she would never pass up an opportunity to die!

me: so close.....

I have finally figured out how to successfully clone a human

Needless to say, I am beside myself.

If you clone the president of the United States that's allowed

If you clone him twice that's also allowed

But if you clone him a third time ...

That's four-Biden

I never believed that scientists could clone humans...

...but once they proved me wrong, I was beside myself.

Why couldn't the crocodile clone his plants?

Because he's not a proper gator

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Clones are people too...

A research scientist at a large corporate laboratory developed a method to clones humans. Unfortunately, the ethics review board would not allow him to experiment on humans. So he decided to clone himself in secret. He was also able to accelerate the aging process so within a short time, the clone w...

My clone gets an erection every time someone walks into the room...

I must've made a hard copy.

What did the clone of Mario say?

"It's a me, Mario!"

I saw a Battle Droid push a foul-mouthed clone trooper off a cliff....

...he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

In the 90s it was easy to go into an upscale restaurant with your clone. That was a long time ago.

I must be dating myself

I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother

All my genes are hand-me-downs

*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness

Did you hear? A psychopathic scientist cloned a guy, killed the clone, and made the original eat the clone?

He really was full of himself

We should clone Terry Crews and arm his horde of clones to wage war on our enemies

He could form the basis for a new milli-Terry

What do you call a Kim jong un clone ?

kim jong dos

Did you hear about the new Marvel hero? He’s a Mexican guy that can clone himself...

I think he’s called Juan Division.

A scientist named Berade cloned himself 76 times. Because of a mutation, the clones were all much more muscular than the real Berade.

One day one of the clones said to his 75 fellow clones, "I'm tired of that weakling bossing us around! He's treating us like servants just because he created us!"

So the clones all picked up Berade and threw him into a pigpen. When Berade landed, a hornet's nest was dislodged, and the hornets...

Stop Cloning Around

A mad scientist managed to clone himself, but something went wrong. His clone would repeatedly stick his head out the fourth-story window, and curse at people below. The scientist was at a loss, and deeply embarrassed by his clone's behavior. After two weeks of pleading and threatening his clone, th...

What are Star Wars clone troopers muscles built of?

Kamino acids.

If someone cloned me without my permission and then sat that clone down right next to me, do you know how angry I would be?

I would be beside myself.

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I knew a scientist who successfully cloned themselves for the sole purpose of having a sexual partner.

We were friends up to that point. I told him, "You do you."

Did you ever hear of the Cannibal who figured out how to clone humans?

He's so full of himself.

What do you get if you clone the vice president half a dozen times?

Sixpence

My friend was delighted when he met his clone

He was beside himself

I made a Reddit clone that's only for frogs and dyslexics.

It's called Rebbit.

Why does the Empire have to clone Storm Troopers?

Because when they shoot they always miss

I've kept my clone in captivity long enough

I'll let myself out..

I made a clone of Patrick Stewart but something went terribly wrong.

The clone slammed me into a wall and lifted me by the neck. What could I do? I’d been hoisted by my own Picard.

A scientist finally found a way to clone humans by first cloning himself.

Physically the clone was a perfect match, however it had mental problems. All day long it would curse and shout vulgarities and insults ad nauseum. At first it was interesting but as time went on the behavior worsened. Day in and day out he would spew an endless stream of obscenity that could mak...

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I encountered my clone in a bathroom stall.

I said, "You've gotta be shitting me."

Scientists in China have successfully cloned two macaque monkeys.

It's quite impossible to tell them apart, said one of the monkeys

What do you call 25 Mike Pence clones in a room with Donald Trump?

... Quarter pounder with cheese.

(Think British currency here)

A scientist asked if I would let him clone me;

I said no, but he made me anyway.

Ever since I got cloned, my wife has said I spent too much time with him. Today, the clone and I were sat in the lounge watching TV, when my wife came in and told me that she was leaving.

I was beside myself.

I asked my bro if it was cool to bang my clone.

He shrugged. "You do you, fam."

I used a sample of my DNA to create a clone, with whom I now cohabit. People often ask me whether I think it's unethical.

I tell them I can live with myself.

What do you sing when you kill Dracula's last clone?

"It's the final countdown"

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I walked in on my two Jesus clones having sex with each other today.

"Jesus fucking christ" , I exclaimed.

I successfully made a real clone that looks exactly like me

I'm beside myself with excitement.

Bill Nye cloned himself with the help of Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Unfortunately, something went wrong in the cloning process and resulted in the clone being pure evil. As soon as he was released from the cloning vat, the evil clone killed the good Bill Nye and escaped. Much later, after hunting him for years, Neil deGrasse Tyson finally caught up with the evil clo...

Han Solo is chilling in his room when suddenly the light goes out.

He tries to fix the bulb, but after an hour of laborious effort, he gives up.

He heads over to Yoda's place to see if he can help. As Yoda opens the door, he spots a huge machine with flashing lights, beeping in the middle of the room.

"What's this?" he asks Yoda.

"A cloning m...

An irishman named Sean cloned himself multiple times but just couldn't stand being around the 11th one...

There was ten Sean between them.

I was contemplating engineering a newer, more advanced clone of my brain...

But then I realized I was getting ahead of myself.

Why did Steve hate being the youngest clone?

Because all his genes were hand me downs.

What did the clone troopers say after they killed Aayla Secura?

Bye Felucia

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I once knew a scientist that tried to clone a donkey using his own DNA...

Everyone in his field said it couldn't be done. Needless to say, he made an ass out of himself.

Is it wrong to murder a judge and replace him with an obedient laboratory clone?

Let’s let this judge decide.

What did Dolly the Sheep’s friend say to her right after her clone was born?

“Look, it’s a little ewe.”

My neighbor found out I decided to clone my tabby, just like he did recently...

He called me a copy-cat.

French scientists announced that they can finally successfully clone a rat!

Thank goodness! This will solve the huge rat shortage.

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Clones of Donald Trump in a German labor camp.

Orange Jews, from concentrate.

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

I knew a scientist who was obsessed with figuring out to clone a person. One day he figured it out. He was so excited.

He was beside himself.

I saw Sir Ian McKellan handing out leaflets about how Dumbledore and Merlin were fake clones of Gandalf

I had a look at one of the leaflets, and it turned out to be the usual propagandalf

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

My girlfriend was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"

I said "Because you're Russian me."

Would you agree that it’s bad for Facebook to steal users’ blood and use it to create a clone army?

That’s an interesting question that I’ll have to discuss further with our team. Did you know I started this company in my dorm room?

There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God

and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."

God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"

The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human...

Gustavo was a mad scientist

Gustavo, called “Gus” by his friends and nemeses, was a mad scientist with very peculiar tastes. In particular, he was fond of the flavor of human flesh.

However, he was an ethical mad scientist, so he got his meat via cloning willing subjects.

Over time the number of subjects went dow...

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Did you hear about the cannibal who cloned himself to see what he would taste like?

It made him shit himself.

John Madden has passed away, but I hardly feel upset.

EA will just clone Madden next year.

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