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Cloning

A rich assholish guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've decided that I'm going to have myself cloned," he smugly tells the bartender. "Well," the bartender replies. "Wouldn't that be just like you...."

What did Han Solo name his clone?

Han Duo

I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother

All my genes are hand-me-downs

*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness

Why couldn't the crocodile clone his plants?

Because he's not a proper gator

A scientist named Berade cloned himself 76 times. Because of a mutation, the clones were all much more muscular than the real Berade.

One day one of the clones said to his 75 fellow clones, "I'm tired of that weakling bossing us around! He's treating us like servants just because he created us!"

So the clones all picked up Berade and threw him into a pigpen. When Berade landed, a hornet's nest was dislodged, and the hornets...

Did you hear about the new Marvel hero? He’s a Mexican guy that can clone himself...

I think he’s called Juan Division.

I used a sample of my DNA to create a clone, with whom I now cohabit. People often ask me whether I think it's unethical.

I tell them I can live with myself.

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God.

So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost?"

G...

I never believed that scientists could clone humans...

...but once they proved me wrong, I was beside myself.

Did you ever hear of the Cannibal who figured out how to clone humans?

He's so full of himself.

What do you get if you clone the vice president half a dozen times?

Sixpence

What do you call a Kim jong un clone ?

kim jong dos

Ever since I got cloned, my wife has said I spent too much time with him. Today, the clone and I were sat in the lounge watching TV, when my wife came in and told me that she was leaving.

I was beside myself.

Why don't people like jokes about clones?

They're all the same.

My girlfriend was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"

I said "Because you're Russian me."

I made a clone of Patrick Stewart but something went terribly wrong.

The clone slammed me into a wall and lifted me by the neck. What could I do? I’d been hoisted by my own Picard.

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What is it called when you have sex with your clone?

A doppelbänger.

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

What are Star Wars clone troopers muscles built of?

Kamino acids.

*clone of me* quick! shoot her! she’s the clone!

my friend who’s known me since birth: ...

my friend who knows every aspect of me: ...

my boyfriend: ...

my sister: ...

my brother: ...

everyone consecutively: you’re the clone! she would never pass up an opportunity to die!

me: so close.....

I’m overjoyed that I cloned myself

I am beside myself

I made a Reddit clone that's only for frogs and dyslexics.

It's called Rebbit.

I knew a scientist who was obsessed with figuring out to clone a person. One day he figured it out. He was so excited.

He was beside himself.

I saw Sir Ian McKellan handing out leaflets about how Dumbledore and Merlin were fake clones of Gandalf

I had a look at one of the leaflets, and it turned out to be the usual propagandalf

I'll never forget the first time I met my clone.





I was beside myself with joy.

I've kept my clone in captivity long enough

I'll let myself out..

An irishman named Sean cloned himself multiple times but just couldn't stand being around the 11th one...

There was ten Sean between them.

What do you call 25 Mike Pence clones in a room with Donald Trump?

... Quarter pounder with cheese.

(Think British currency here)

If someone cloned me without my permission and then sat that clone down right next to me, do you know how angry I would be?

I would be beside myself.

My friend was delighted when he met his clone

He was beside himself

Bill Nye cloned himself with the help of Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Unfortunately, something went wrong in the cloning process and resulted in the clone being pure evil. As soon as he was released from the cloning vat, the evil clone killed the good Bill Nye and escaped. Much later, after hunting him for years, Neil deGrasse Tyson finally caught up with the evil clo...

What do you sing when you kill Dracula's last clone?

"It's the final countdown"

I asked my bro if it was cool to bang my clone.

He shrugged. "You do you, fam."

Monday Science

I have finally figured out how to successfully clone a human…

Needless to say, I am beside myself.

Stop Cloning Around

A mad scientist managed to clone himself, but something went wrong. His clone would repeatedly stick his head out the fourth-story window, and curse at people below. The scientist was at a loss, and deeply embarrassed by his clone's behavior. After two weeks of pleading and threatening his clone, th...

What did Dolly the Sheep’s friend say to her right after her clone was born?

“Look, it’s a little ewe.”

Scientists in China have successfully cloned two macaque monkeys.

It's quite impossible to tell them apart, said one of the monkeys

Due to an accident about a month ago, I had too many clones running about at home, so I decided to take some to self-storage.

After making some new arrangements, I went today to pick them up. When I got there, they told me that my clones had been kicked out a couple of weeks ago because they don't allow residency in their units. I'm doing my best to stay calm, but I know it's going to take more than a few minutes to coll...

Why does the Empire have to clone Storm Troopers?

Because when they shoot they always miss

We should clone Terry Crews and arm his horde of clones to wage war on our enemies

He could form the basis for a new milli-Terry

Why did the scientists clone Chance the Rapper?

Because people deserve a second Chance.

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I encountered my clone in a bathroom stall.

I said, "You've gotta be shitting me."

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I once knew a scientist that tried to clone a donkey using his own DNA...

Everyone in his field said it couldn't be done. Needless to say, he made an ass out of himself.

What did tornado say to it’s annoying twin?

Sigh, clone.

What do you call naked mannequin falling out of a window?

An obscene clone fall.

My neighbor found out I decided to clone my tabby, just like he did recently...

He called me a copy-cat.

I'm the first person to ever have a real clone

At least that's what I tell myself

I successfully made a real clone that looks exactly like me

I'm beside myself with excitement.

Would you agree that it’s bad for Facebook to steal users’ blood and use it to create a clone army?

That’s an interesting question that I’ll have to discuss further with our team. Did you know I started this company in my dorm room?

I was contemplating engineering a newer, more advanced clone of my brain...

But then I realized I was getting ahead of myself.

Did you hear? A psychopathic scientist cloned a guy, killed the clone, and made the original eat the clone?

He really was full of himself

A scientist finally found a way to clone humans by first cloning himself.

Physically the clone was a perfect match, however it had mental problems. All day long it would curse and shout vulgarities and insults ad nauseum. At first it was interesting but as time went on the behavior worsened. Day in and day out he would spew an endless stream of obscenity that could mak...

What did the clone troopers say after they killed Aayla Secura?

Bye Felucia

French scientists announced that they can finally successfully clone a rat!

Thank goodness! This will solve the huge rat shortage.

So I'm about to start a stand-up performance when my exact clone goes up instead and tells the stupidest joke ever. As the audience demands he leave, I say something to de-escalate the situation

No need. I'll see myself out ...

Why did Steve hate being the youngest clone?

Because all his genes were hand me downs.

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Did you hear about the cannibal who cloned himself to see what he would taste like?

It made him shit himself.

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