UPJOKE
boneunixiliumdososmiumorificesoftwarejawoperating systemsternumcollarbonescapulatoothvertebrasesamoid bone

I’ve decided to quit using macOS and windows cold turkey

I’ve become a gnu man

Apple just came out with a new WatchOS update, but I rejected it.

Not on my watch.

My New OS

So I programmed an new Operating System.

I named it as a "Tetra-Hedral Artificial Neural Operating System."



Unfortunately, ThanOS took over my computer and wiped out half my files.

Some say that iOS is better, while some say that Android is better. But at the end of the day...

it is night.

What the opposite os Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken...

What OS do Jedi run their computers on?

The DagobahSystem.

Two girlfriends are talking about their S.Os

The brunette says her boyfriend just bought her a dozen roses. She says she annoyed because now she's going to have to spend the weekend on her back with her legs in the air. Her blonde friend is visibly confused and after thinking for a few seconds asked," can't you just use a vase?"

Are there any iOS developers reading this that can help me with something?

Just kidding, I know they’re all too busy for Reddit after today’s announcement, and are struggling to update their apps for tomorrows iOS 14 release.

I have very nearly signed up for Danish language classes

I just need to dot the A's and cross the O's

Everybody said wearing gloves and a mask os enough while going to the grocery

They lied, everybody also had their clothes on

The Elder Gods don't pay for cable TV, HBO, or FiOS...

They have Cth-Hulu

Why isn’t blood a good writer??

Because of all the Type-Os.


Not sure if this has been posted before but I thought of it while at my desk and was proud of it cause it made me chuckle lol.

Most appliances use a Linux based OS

But washing machines have windows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tic-tac-toe is actually bad for kids

It teaches them about the Xs and Os and when someone wins it's either "XXX" or "oh, ohh, OHHH!"

Why don't vampires use autocorrect?

Because they love Type Os

Irish Pub In Midtown Manhattan Is On Fire

An Irish pub on 32nd street caught fire one day. Smoke and flames were seen billowing out of the windows and threatening the nearby businesses. Firefighters arrived on the scene within 10 minutes but the fire had spread so rapidly from all the wood (and booze I suppose), and the building was complet...

What do you call off brand Spaghetti-Os?

Spaghettos

Everyone knows the Beverly Hills postal code os 90210

But did you know the Dawson's Creek post code is 90108 (...for our lives to be over)

What's the new Russian self-operating OS?

Skyniet

Apple just released a new iOS update to help protect against piraters

It's called the iPatch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

What do you get when you have Windows and Mac OS X dual booting from the same computer?

A co-operating system.

Have you heard of OS X Def Leppard?

It runs on ARM.

What do you call a software wizard that installs applications?

The Wizard of OS

What Operating System does the Infinity Gauntlet use?

ThanOS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?

osMoses

My buddy was bragging about his Airpods...

He found it amazing that they seamlessly connect from his iPhone to his iPad when he changes devices. I told him that my Jabra does a pretty good job, but it doesn't always get it right because it's connecting to Android, Windows, and iOS devices so it's not an apples to Apples comparison.

There is a 50/50 risk of loosing your hand during your life...

Either you loose it or you don't. The probability on the other hand... is unsure.

I'm using an operating system to wipe out half of the population in this universe...

It's called ThanOS

Every time I post a joke to this sub it gets downvoted

uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ǝuo sᴉɥʇ ǝʇᴉɹʍ ll,I oS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 operating systems walk into a bar

The first says "I'm Windows. The most popular, everyone likes me and I don't mess about. I'll have a pint of lager."

The second says "I'm Mac OS. I'm the favourite of artists and hipsters, and I could never settle for a boring lager like Windows. Give me your hoppiest artisanal IPA!"

T...

Who led the Jewish people across a semi permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife overheard me having phone sex yesterday. She stormed into the room demanding answers

I told her it wasn’t anyone she knew but it was SiriOS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman complains about her Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5...

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

Brilliant idea for a start-up

Imma build a new operating system which, when the disk gets full, randomly deletes half your files.

Gonna call it thanOS.

What is Iron Man's least favorite operating system?

ThanOS

What do you call someone who admires Thanos's work?

A Fan-os

What is Bill Cosby’s favorite Peter Pan themed cereal?

Roofie-Os

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father gathers his three sons and tells them sadly

— Kids, in the night some asshole stole our cow.

Oldest son (OS): An asshole? He must be short.

Middle son (MS): Short guy? He must be from the next village.

Youngest son (YS): From the next village? Who else but Jimmy?

So the sons go to the next village and beat the shit...

Why did the blood fail the writing test?

Too many type Os.

What's harder than giving birth?

Apparantly remembering the four o's in r/woooosh

Me: what time is it?

Tour Guide: 4:20

Me: how can you tell?

Tour Guide: See how high the sun is?

\[sun is eating spaghettiOs with a spatula\]

The nurse at the admissions desk kept misrecording each patient's blood-types..

His inability to use a keyboard definitely resulted in a whole lot of Type-Os!

The oldest laptop can be traced back to Adam and Eve

An Apple with very limited memory (1 Byte), single core and OS written in Python.

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

Did you hear about the new computer Operating System called "Than" that selectively terminates half of all running programs?

We really needed "ThanOS" and it probably did nothing wrong.

What operating system do they use in Germany?

Mac os Nein

the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?
...

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

A guy walks into a bar...

He sees a jar of money on the bar. He asks the man sitting next to him, "What's the jar of money for?"

The man replies, "It's for the contest".

"What's the contest?"

"I can't tell you until you put $50 in the jar to enter". The man dismisses him, losing interest. He drinks a fe...

What does a proofreader have in common with a vampire?

They search for type-os

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Washington, DC flea goes to book a vacation with his travel agent

because he's been cooped up in a K Street lobbyist's crotch for the past 8 months and he feels overworked. So his travel agent says,

"You won't believe the package I've got for you! Fifteen days in Obama's hair—can you believe it? He's going to be at Camp David the whole time, it should be...

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