Two girlfriends are talking about their S.Os

The brunette says her boyfriend just bought her a dozen roses. She says she annoyed because now she's going to have to spend the weekend on her back with her legs in the air. Her blonde friend is visibly confused and after thinking for a few seconds asked," can't you just use a vase?"

Everybody said wearing gloves and a mask os enough while going to the grocery

They lied, everybody also had their clothes on

I'm using an operating system to wipe out half of the population in this universe...

It's called ThanOS

I Hate It When People Write r/wooosh And Don’t Even Spell It With 4 os...

smh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

What do you call off brand Spaghetti-Os?

Spaghettos

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?

osMoses

Who led the Jewish people across a semi permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

Everyone knows the Beverly Hills postal code os 90210

But did you know the Dawson's Creek post code is 90108 (...for our lives to be over)

What's the new Russian self-operating OS?

Skyniet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman complains about her Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5...

Every time I post a joke to this sub it gets downvoted

uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ǝuo sᴉɥʇ ǝʇᴉɹʍ ll,I oS

What do you get when you have Windows and Mac OS X dual booting from the same computer?

A co-operating system.

Have you heard of OS X Def Leppard?

It runs on ARM.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 operating systems walk into a bar

The first says "I'm Windows. The most popular, everyone likes me and I don't mess about. I'll have a pint of lager."

The second says "I'm Mac OS. I'm the favourite of artists and hipsters, and I could never settle for a boring lager like Windows. Give me your hoppiest artisanal IPA!"

T...

What is Iron Man's least favorite operating system?

ThanOS

Brilliant idea for a start-up

Imma build a new operating system which, when the disk gets full, randomly deletes half your files.

Gonna call it thanOS.

What do you call someone who admires Thanos's work?

A Fan-os

Why did the blood fail the writing test?

Too many type Os.

Me: what time is it?

Tour Guide: 4:20

Me: how can you tell?

Tour Guide: See how high the sun is?

\[sun is eating spaghettiOs with a spatula\]

The nurse at the admissions desk kept misrecording each patient's blood-types..

His inability to use a keyboard definitely resulted in a whole lot of Type-Os!

The oldest laptop can be traced back to Adam and Eve

An Apple with very limited memory (1 Byte), single core and OS written in Python.

What operating system do they use in Germany?

Mac os Nein

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DOOM

The police officer approaches me slowly, his hand on his pistol. “Sir, can you please come down from that tree?”

“Not a chance!”

He surveys the destruction all around us. “What happened here?”

I stare at the smoking remains of my house and mutter, “Doom.”

The Police offic...

I hold prejudices against people with certain blod types.

edit: Blood*. Damnit. I hate type-Os.

Who did God send to help the slaves flee through the partially permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

Who parted the Red Sea with a permeable membrane

OsMoses


---

This just came to me. I'm afraid the real joke will be in the comments.

A guy walks into a bar...

He sees a jar of money on the bar. He asks the man sitting next to him, "What's the jar of money for?"

The man replies, "It's for the contest".

"What's the contest?"

"I can't tell you until you put $50 in the jar to enter". The man dismisses him, losing interest. He drinks a fe...

the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father gathers his three sons and tells them sadly

— Kids, in the night some asshole stole our cow.

Oldest son (OS): An asshole? He must be short.

Middle son (MS): Short guy? He must be from the next village.

Youngest son (YS): From the next village? Who else but Jimmy?

So the sons go to the next village and beat the shit...

What does a proofreader have in common with a vampire?

They search for type-os

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