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App Jokes

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

I’ve decided to launch a brand new dating app exclusively for Palaeontologists……..

I’m going to call it ‘Carbon Dating’

I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app

Either way, there’s a 10” vegetarian on the way and I’m not sure what to expect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear? There's this app that lets you see which of your family members would have been nazis in WWII...

It's called Facebook.

A 3rd party app walks into a bar

The bartender says "Hey pal, how you doing? You look kinda low". The app says "Yeah, I had a friend but they decided to end it. It was good while it lasted". Bartender says "Hey, I know how it feels. I'll make the first one a double; no extra charge". The app says, "No, thanks. I've already experien...

Google's app management app is called "Google Play" and their payment app is called "Google pay"

Their navigation app should be called "Google Way"

I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.

It's called 'Facebook'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Simple Pregnancy Test App

You just have to urinate on the sceeen. If the screen gets covered in piss you are not allowed to have kids.

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app...

called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to delete the Grindr app

It was becoming a pain in my ass.

Dating apps are so weird

Apparently "must be an animal lover" doesn't mean what you think.

what do you call an app for shopping bras ?

Brawser

What do dating apps and the 4th of July have in common?

Both really get going just after dark, start with a spark, and end with a bang.

I've ordered some German food through a mobile app.

The sauerkraut has arrived but the wurst is yet to come.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button

He had to pay in order to use additional features

What do you call a rideshare app that’s worse than Uber?

Unter.

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK Stupid.

My grandfather thinks TikTok is an app used to tell time.

It kind of is, because that definitely tells us how old he is.

What's the most popular dating app?

Google calendar

Why did the Italian cheese maker join a dating app?

He was provolonely.

What is a cow's favorite defunct social media app?

bo-Vine

Amazon needs a new app

An audio book app with sign language. We’ll call it *inAudible*.

What's captain hook's least favorite app?

Tiktok

Women on dating apps give me compliments all the time

One time this girl told me "you are unmatched"

Calculator app

My 12-year-old daughter made this up.

She said she got a calculator app for her phone but it didn't give a plus key unless she paid additional fees.

What dating app did the pirate create?

Shiver Me Tinder

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app.

It just sent an ambulance to my house.

What do you call a dating app for computers?

Love at First Site

Video app

There’s a new video app for people with no parents, it’s called OrFans.

I just check the weather app and spring still isn't arriving for the next 2 weeks.

I guess that means that the Leafs won't be out!

Reddit’s new API Costs

Yep that’s it. It’s going to price out all those apps you all use instead of the official one to read or post jokes. And I can tell you first hand, it is much tougher to copy and paste in official app.

Can we go black out on June 12-14?

Bumble asked me if I enjoyed using their app today.

I said no without hesitation, then continued swiping.

I was hesitant to download this app

I knew one day I might regreddit

I used to use a Halloween themed dating app

I left because I kept getting ghosted.

I created a new gig-economy app for laundry called Laundr.

Unfortunately, the only thing anyone seems to use it for is washer-dryer hookups.

My wife asked why I had the only fans app on my phone.

I responded to fund her sisters college tuition.

There's a new app for people recovering from bad dates.

Anyone ever tried \*Cinder\*?

My banking app isn't working!

I called their customer support and they said we can try deleting your cache!

I was like hell no!

My new phone app...

I meant to download a calendar app for my phone, by my eyesight is so bad I downloaded a colander app... now my battery just keeps draining.

Which Disney Princess is always on dating apps?

Tinderella.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My roommate was going out on a blind date so I told her about this phone app for her own safety.

I said: "It's called *Mum! Are you OK?* and what is does is, it puts a button on your display which you can press and then a couple of minutes later your phone will ring and the display will say MUM. So if you get there and your date looks a bit creepy you just touch the button, put your phone away,...

There is an app called Monstr for finding the supernatural date of your dreams

Apparently it came out after the release of the Twilight franchise caused a spike in the popularity of mythical beings as romantic partners.

A friend of mine, I'll call her Bella for privacy, was on the app for a bit and her first match was a Lycanthrope. They went for a long walk and afterw...

Told my friend to use multiple dating apps to find a partner because…

… she doesn’t believe in love at first site

What's thanos's favourite app?

Snapchat

I made a dating app for marionettes, and it failed.

Everyone wanted No Strings Attached dating.

I tried installing a calendar app but accidentally installed a colander .

It keeps draining my battery.

I’d make a joke about this app...

But you’ve probably reddit before

Someone should make a food app named after Prometheus

He was the best of being delivered.

2 Yetis meet on a dating app

2 Yetis matched on a dating app one day. One was American, the other European. In spite of American Yeti’s peculiarities and the yawning physical gap between them, they hit it off. Having gone back and forth for a little while, American Yeti asks European Yeti for a picture. European Yeti happily ob...

Why doesn't the Reddit app auto-rotate from portrait to landscape?

So you can still use it while you lay sobbing in the fetal position.

iPhones map app has major problems

iPhone map app has a major problem. The voice directed me to "turn left then bear right" .... but it was really just a cat sitting there.

What is a white supremacists favorite dating app?

Ancestry dot com

I'm building a dating app exclusively for people working in bars

...look out for BarTinder

A german made navigation app issues an update to fix an issue.

The issue was when people wanted to go to france and they were in germany, the app sent them through belgium

Here is an app idea: Tinder but with...

people that want to be in a relationship

Have you played the reddit apps drinking game?

You drink until the page loads. It took me three beers to make this post

What is a trees favorite dating App?

Timber

As told by my 11 year old

Round on a joke app: Three engineers and three accountants take a train for a business trip.

The accountants each buy themselves a ticket, then the engineers buy one. After turning to walk away, the accountants ask the other two engineers why they didn't get one. They say they don't need em to get there. "But how will you all ride the train?" Anyway, they all board the train and the three a...

Have y'all heard about this new app that lets you see ghosts?

It's called Tinder

What’s Andy Bernard’s favorite app?

Reddit did di doo

The Mom app.

I had a blind date last night. But I was concerned -- What do I do if she's really unattractive? I'll be stuck with her all night.

Turns out, There's an app for that.

It's called "Mom, Are You OK?". It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her.

If you like her, you ig...

Why are people so surprised by reposts on this app?

It’s literally called Read-it

This Grindr App is Trash

Had it for a week now and still can't find anyone to skate with.

Bald Dating is a dating app for bald people that's completely free...

You don't have toupee.

I got this new recipe app. I am having issues with the security.

I want my password to be BeefStew, but the app keeps telling me it’s not stroganoff.

I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I didn’t do it for the glory I did it to make hens meet.

Instagram is the best app

For posting things that went viral on reddit a week ago

There's a new dating app out there for pirates.

It's called Shiver Me Tindrs.

They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService

There is a new dating-app especially for peadophiles.

Kinder

How did the app control all of its users?

Karma

What do you call an app that delivers drugs to you, whenever you need it?

Instagram.





I just thought of this while scrolling Reddit and i just had to post it

We are launching a Food App that will help you lose your weight

You'll order but we won't deliver.

Who knew naming a for-profit investment app after an anti-rich hero was just marketing.

I’m astounded, and am immediately switching to one called Mother Theresa.

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only app I want stealing my personal data is Pornhub.

Their 'recommended for you' section is always lit!

Have you heard about that new app, “Cinder?”

It’s great for carbon dating!


:-)

(I just thought of this joke while walking to my car. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not the first to come up with it. Apologies, if it’s been made before.)

(In case it isn’t obvious, it’s a play on the *dating* app, “Tinder.”)

Can we please stop with this whole FaceApp trend

It’s getting old quick

Have you heard of the new titanic app?

I was excited to use it, but as soon as I plugged it into my computer it started syncing!

- My professor. No one laughed.

I got popular on the Vine app with a show called........

Whose Vine Is It Anyway?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you the cookie clicker app?

Because you're fucking stupid and I don't understand why you exist.

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

I'm going to start an app for Gastroenterologists

And call it snapshat

Do you know which app is best fit to be used in the delivery room?

Discord!

We all know the app for learning to speak another language is Duolingo but did you know

That to learn to speak in tongues, you need Cunnilingo?

I'm making an app like Tinder, but exclusively for paleontologists

I'm calling it "Carbon Dating"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm thinking about an app to let people rate strippers

I want to name it "Strip Advisor"

I spent five dollars for a weather app on my phone....

I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in climate change.

My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead

He calls it *Nyetflix*

Girlfriends are like phone apps

They come with in-app purchases, and need the reassurance of updates to function well.

I used a MeetUp app and attended a BDSM meetup...

but left the meetup a little blue :(

Why did the Dalai Lama download the gambling app?

He'd heard they had an introductory offer that would make it Free Tibet.

I think there is a bug in my Tinder app, I'm not getting any matches.

So I wrote an email to Tinder's tech support, but apparently they have the same issue.

I'm thinking of making an app that steals from the poor and gives to the rich...

I'm gonna call it 'Robbin' the hood'

What is Harry Potter’s favorite new app?

Spellcheck

This mindfulness app is taking a long time to download

It’s really stressing me out...I should really meditate or something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried out a horror themed Grindr app the other night...

It gave me the willies.

I am starting my new venture, a startup healthy food delivery app that will help all to reduce weight dramatically!...

Basically it works as follows: You place your order, and I don't deliver the food at all.

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