UPJOKE
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A Linux user, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar....

I know because they told everybody there

Tech Joke: Changing a light bulb

A window user, a Linux user and an apple user all need to change a lightbulb in their respective homes. They split up and the windows and apple user meet back up 5 minutes later

Windows User: Did you get it fixed?

Apple user: No, it can't be cganged so I need to find a new house; how a...

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.

"ephedrine?"

"I can't serve you that"

"sudoephedrine"

"There you go".

How would you spot a linux user?

Don't worry they will tell you themselves!

Why are linux geeks very introvertish ?

Because they never get out of their shell

What is a Linux user's favorite game?

sudo ku

I have a Linux joke...

But some of you would not apt-get it.

Who Has The Highest Rank in the Linux Military?

The kernel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Linux admin say to his racoon friend?

I am root.

New York City is like Linux

* Spend the first year re-learning how to perform basic tasks
* Spend the rest of your lifetime claiming how much better it is
* Bad drivers

Source: @ chromakode on Twitter

How do you copy in Linux?

You press Ctrl and C at t-

\^C Process aborted with exit 0

Why can't you eliminate Satan from Linux?

Because 666 isn't executable.

What's the cutest Linux distribution?

UwUbuntu.

Why is learning linux stupid?

All of the lessons are full of sudo science

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 operating systems walk into a bar

The first says "I'm Windows. The most popular, everyone likes me and I don't mess about. I'll have a pint of lager."

The second says "I'm Mac OS. I'm the favourite of artists and hipsters, and I could never settle for a boring lager like Windows. Give me your hoppiest artisanal IPA!"

T...

Astronauts use Linux

Because you can't open Windows in space.

Did you hear about the herpes program for Linux?

It's open sores

What did the Dalek say when it shot the Linux user?

xterm-inate!

What do you call Linux' bodyguards with no balls?

Unix

Most appliances use a Linux based OS

But washing machines have windows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saying Java is good because it works on Windows, Linux and Mac OS is like saying...

Anal sex is good because it works on men, women, and animals.

What is the preferred OS in russia?

Linux, because they are afraid of Windows.

I think a lot of linux package handling systems are not good enough for the task.

But the one with Ubuntu is apt.

[Computers] Why do Linux admins always take Xanax?

Because they're constantly battling their daemons.

New user: "How come my new printer doesn't work in Linux?" Linus: "You need the right driver."

"My chauffeur's outside."

What do you call a group of Linux users?

*Club Penguin.*

Why do vampire's use linux?

Because they don't like windows in their house. Ba^Dum^Tss

I just donated some money to the maintainers of a Linux distribution derived from Red Hat

\*tips fedora\*

How would you know if someone uses Linux-GNU?

Don't worry, they will tell you

Damn I must be an annoying person to be around

I spilled my vegan protein shake while doing crossfit which short circuited my Arch Linux computer. There is no god.

GNU/Linux can't run Photoshop..

unless you offer it WINE.
Else you will remain stuck with a GIMPed system.

Q: What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan? (Found on /r/linux)

A: Open the other end

What were the favorite Linux text editors of 8 randomly selected Monty Python fans?

vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, emacs, and vim.

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

So a network specialist comes up to me and says "do you wanna here a joke?"

There was a Linux error

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