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A Linux user, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar....

I know because they told everybody there

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

Tech Joke: Changing a light bulb

A window user, a Linux user and an apple user all need to change a lightbulb in their respective homes. They split up and the windows and apple user meet back up 5 minutes later

Windows User: Did you get it fixed?

Apple user: No, it can't be cganged so I need to find a new house; how a...

I have a Linux joke...

But some of you would not apt-get it.

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.


"I can't serve you that"


"There you go".

What is a Linux user's favorite game?

sudo ku

Why are linux geeks very introvertish ?

Because they never get out of their shell

Who Has The Highest Rank in the Linux Military?

The kernel.

How would you spot a linux user?

Don't worry they will tell you themselves!

Why is learning linux stupid?

All of the lessons are full of sudo science

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Linux admin say to his racoon friend?

I am root.

Why can't you eliminate Satan from Linux?

Because 666 isn't executable.

What do you call Linux' bodyguards with no balls?


How do you copy in Linux?

You press Ctrl and C at t-

\^C Process aborted with exit 0

New York City is like Linux

* Spend the first year re-learning how to perform basic tasks
* Spend the rest of your lifetime claiming how much better it is
* Bad drivers

Source: @ chromakode on Twitter

What's the cutest Linux distribution?


Did you hear about the herpes program for Linux?

It's open sores

Most appliances use a Linux based OS

But washing machines have windows

Astronauts use Linux

Because you can't open Windows in space.

What did the Dalek say when it shot the Linux user?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 operating systems walk into a bar

The first says "I'm Windows. The most popular, everyone likes me and I don't mess about. I'll have a pint of lager."

The second says "I'm Mac OS. I'm the favourite of artists and hipsters, and I could never settle for a boring lager like Windows. Give me your hoppiest artisanal IPA!"


I think a lot of linux package handling systems are not good enough for the task.

But the one with Ubuntu is apt.

[Computers] Why do Linux admins always take Xanax?

Because they're constantly battling their daemons.

New user: "How come my new printer doesn't work in Linux?" Linus: "You need the right driver."

"My chauffeur's outside."

What do you call a group of Linux users?

*Club Penguin.*

I just donated some money to the maintainers of a Linux distribution derived from Red Hat

\*tips fedora\*

How would you know if someone uses Linux-GNU?

Don't worry, they will tell you

Why do vampire's use linux?

Because they don't like windows in their house. Ba^Dum^Tss

How to make Gnu/Linux run Photoshop?

You serve it WINE.

GNU/Linux can't run Photoshop..

unless you offer it WINE.
Else you will remain stuck with a GIMPed system.

What were the favorite Linux text editors of 8 randomly selected Monty Python fans?

vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, emacs, and vim.

So a network specialist comes up to me and says "do you wanna here a joke?"

There was a Linux error

Q: What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan? (Found on /r/linux)

A: Open the other end

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three programmers were condemned to death by....

Three tech gurus were sentenced to be executed. They were to be executed by a century old guillotine. The first guy, a microsoft engineer is secured at the bottom of the frame. The blade is released but slows down gradually and stops a few inches before the nape of his neck.

Considering it as...

When God closes a window,

he opens a Linux

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