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Altered Jokes

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

What do u call someone who has altered their nationality?

An alternative

Why doesn't Bruce Banners pants rip when he transforms into the Hulk?

Because the radiation altered his jeans

Heinz have altered one of their spicier sauces.

It's a remustard version.

I need help with a 17 year old joke about Jello and Communism

So my friend and I started this game 17 years ago where you have to come up with a jello (we altered the rules to allow *some* pastries) that fit a communist theme.

Everytime we come up with a new one we swear there are none left. I know he cheats, cos I cheat too. My sister came up with Ban...

My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!

"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"

My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"

I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"



(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with g...

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.

"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," said one woman “they must have the same landlord I do."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just lost my virginity.

The experience changed me completely. It absolutely altered my self-image.

It's like I have entered another body.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the police have a new slogan.

So the police in my area have a new slogan that they altered from the post office. Rain nor shine nor sleet or hail will keep your ass out of jail.

What do you call a disobedient feline pirate?

A mew-tineer!

And what do you call a genetically altered cow?

A moo-tant, of course!

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