Castrate Jokes - 57 Hilarious Castrate Jokes

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I would castrate myself

If I had the balls to do it

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A man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated.

The doctor is very surprised at this. “Are you sure?!”

“Yes,” said the man. “I’ve thought about it, long and hard, and I’ve decided I want to do it.”

“But are you sure you’ve thought this through?!” the doctor continued. “This will have a huge impact on important aspects of your life i...

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Why can you only get castrated once ?

Because you don’t have the balls to do it a second time.

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a Eunuch-Corn

What do you call a castrated horse?

A Eunuchorn.

Castration

Jack goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."

Doc: "I can't do that! We only do something that extreme if it's an emergency."

Jack: "I've thought about this and I want it done. If you're not going to do it, I'll find another doctor who will!"

Doc:...

A rookie reporter gets his first interview with a guy who castrates camels.

Not knowing where to start he asks: “how do you castrate a camel?”
The guy repsonds: “Well I take two large flat stones and slap them together.”

The shocked reporter asks: “Isn’t that a very painful ordeal?”

“No, you just have to make sure your fingers don’t get stuck inbetween thos...

Fred goes to a doctor.

He says, "Doc, I want to be castrated. "

Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation. "

Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a littlee mbarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5...

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OJ: I always wanted to be castrated...

But I don't think I have the balls to go through with it

*I think this is an original joke, as I just thought of it*

How do you castrate a redneck?

Kick his sister's jaw in.

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A terrorist group decides to hold a public castration of three villagers.

They ask to the first villager for his occupation. When he says that he's a woodsman they castrate him with an axe.

Then they ask to the second villager. Frightened, he says that he's a farmer. They castrate him with a sickle.

When the turn comes to the third villager they see that he ...

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What is the sexual orientation of a guy who is about to get castrated?

Bye-sexual

A guy asks a doctor to castrate him

- Why the hell for? asks the doctor.

- I will explain you later, you gonna do it or not?

The doctor agrees and the day after, during the morning visit, he asks the guy:

- I still don't get it, why did you do that?

- You know... I am with a girl and I really love her. She ...

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Castrated

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious o...

Whats the best way to castrate a priest?

Kick the alter boy in the chin

How do you call a castrated dog actor?

A cone artist.

I got my dog castrated

I got my dog castrated yesterday, it was really expensive and they did a horrible job with it.

It was just a rip-off.

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A young lady takes her dog to the vet.

"Good morning, what can I help you with today?"

"My dog is constantly trying to hump me! Every time he sees me, he wants to go at it! Daytime, nighttime, doesn't matter, he's always horny!"

"Well, the usual remedy would be to castrate him."

"Gee, doc, that seems pretty harsh! ...

When a pig is castrated

Is it disgruntled?

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A man enters a pub, walks up to have a seat at the bar, and then pulls out a three-inch tall leprechaun from his front shirt pocket to set it on the bar top.

The man looks at the bartender and says, "Yo, I'd like to get a beer for me and an Irish wine for my little pal here!"

The bartender returns with the drinks in short time. The man drinks his beer, the leprechaun drinks all the Irish wine from the bottle. Only for it to suddenly stop in ...

Had to get castrated today for birth control reasons. I paid so much and they didn't even use scissors.

It was a rip-off.

What do you call a one wheeled cycle for castrated men?

A eunuchcycle

Yet Another Gillette joke from a couple generations ago!

(Found in some old paperwork from my college days, 50+ years ago...)

A Nice Young Lady we know swallowed a Gillette Stainless Steel blade. Some time later her doctor discovered that NOT ONLY had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, and a hysterectomy, BUT ALSO she had castrate...

Did you hear about the castrated hipster?

He had a very eunuch style.

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Mr. Johnson walks into a clinic and says to the doctor, "I have thought about this for years, and I have decided that I want to get castrated."

"Are you sure about this?" asks the doctor. "It will really change your sex life."

"Sex life shmex life!" shouts Mr. Johnson. "I want to be castrated!" The doctor sighs and sets an appointment.

A few weeks later, Mr. Johnson wakes up in a hospital ward after his surgery. He turns to th...

What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him?

No hard feelings.

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This guy Bill has been having headaches for about 40 years..

...he doesnt know what to do so he finally goes to a doctor for the pain. The doctor checks him and says "bill I’m not sure how to tell you this , but you have a very rare condition where your balls press up against your spine and put pressure on your head. That’s why you've been getting these heada...

LOST DOG - 3 legged - blind in one eye - missing left ear - broken tail - recently castrated

Answers to "LUCKY"

What do you call a castrated male chicken that runs an illegal moonshine business?

Al Capon

I was castrated yesterday :( but it's ok, I hear there's a good chance they'll grow back when I'm in my forties.

Apparently 85% of marriages don't last until then.

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A man went to the doctor to complain about his migraines.

Man: So doc, what’s the problem?

Dr. Well, after examination we’ve found out that we would need to castrate you.

Man: (surprised) What? Why? What does that have to do with my migraines?

Dr. You see the blood vessels in your penis gets bunched up and hence it constricts blood flo...

Castration

A man comes into the Dr. office and says he needs to have a procedure done. The Dr. asks, what procedure, the man replies "Umm, castration, I need to be castrated or my girlfriend won't marry me!" Puzzled the Dr. asks, "Castrated, do you know what that means?" The man quickly replies, yes I know w...

For the life of me, I cannot find a trumpet for my castrated friend! I guess they really are...

Eunuch horns

What do you call an 80s pop star who castrates any man she meets?

Cyndi Lopper.

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Circumcised

A man walks into a urologist office and says
"I want to be castrated"!
Dr Says "you can't be serious"!
Man says "I insist on being castrated." and drop 10 grand on the table

Next month this guy is talking to his friend who says
"I hear getting circumcised makes sex better.."
...

Two German platoons meet in a training camp.

One General asks the other:

"General, how do you keep your soldiers so tall and strong?"

"Easy" replies the other "I castrate them all!"

"How do you do that, General?" Inquires the first.

"With couple of stones!!" Answers proudly the second General.

"Isn't it too...

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic.

The Sierra Club and the US Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the naturalists had a "more humane" solution. What ...

Two dogs, a Doberman and a German Shepherd, are in the vet's waiting room, and the German Shepherd says to the other "What are you in for?"

"Oh," says the Doberman, "I went for the postman. He said I ought to be put down, but my owner pleaded with him until he said that if she got me castrated instead then he wouldn't take it any further. So that's what I'm in for. How about you?"

"Oh," says the German Shepherd, "my owner was c...

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what do you call a blind deer?

no eye deer

what do you call a blind deer without legs?

still no eye deer.

what do you call a blind deer without legs that has been castrated?

still no fucking eye deer

Guy goes to a doctor...

A guy goes to a doctor and tells him, "I've been thinking about this a long time. I want to be castrated. This is important to me, and don't try to talk me out of it. I don't want any discussion. Just do it."

The doctor shrugs and agrees, and schedules him for surgery the next day.
...

That's the word I was looking for! (Possibly NSFW)

A man walks into a doctors office and says to the doctor "I want you to castrate me"

The doctor says "NO! I will never do such a thing"

Man: "What if I give you $1000 in cash?"

Doctor: "No"

Man: "What about $5000?"

Doctor: "Well... if you insist"

And so, the...

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A wife finds out her husband has been cheating on her.

Heartbroken and keen to seek revenge, she takes a trip to the local witch doctor to buy a voodoo doll.

She brings it home and waits for her husbands return.

As he walks in the door he notices his wife sitting in dead silence, lights off, with only the dim glow of the fireplace lighting...

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Three Chinese Tortures

One day, a man was lost walking through a dense forest. When it was getting dark he came across a secluded cabin in a clearing on top of a hill. He knocked on the door, and an ancient looking Chinese man answered the door.
“Please sir”, the man plead. “It is getting dark, and I’m lost. Could you ...

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My dad is 88 today. Here is one he used to tell all the time. Happy Birthday dad!

A farmer needed to castrate his bull.

After a search of many options including the local veternarians he decides to go with the guy with the cheapest price.
The next day a man shows up with a briefcase and opens it and the farmer is surprised at what's inside. The fellow pulls two bricks ...

A man has a strange request for his doctor...

Credit to u/tenebralupo for the last time I recall this joke being posted here. I thought it'd be funny, so enjoy!

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Some guy walks into his doctor's office.

"Good morning. Are you here for a checkup?"

"Not really. I've decided I want to be castrated."

"Castrat...

A Guy Walks into a Doctor’s Office...

“Doc, I’ve made up my mind, I’ve thought it over. I want to be castrated!”

Doctor stares at him in disbelief,

“Are you sure? That is no....”

The guy interrupts,

“Doc, I’m 100% sure! Let’s do it today!

Later, after the procedure, the guy walks out of the hospital wi...

Fries

Bobby was a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females.

He hired a French guy who didn`t speak much English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, Bobby and the French guy ha...

A guy goes to the doctor...

... and says "I would like to get castrated".

The doctor is confused saying " Are you sure? That's a big step."

But the guy insists, so the doctor performs the operation.

When the guy gets home his wife asks "Did you get vaccinated?"

He slams his head "ahh VACCINATED"...

I saw a "Missing Dog" poster

It read:

**Missing Dog!**

Description :

* Male Labrador
* 3 years old
* Missing an ear
* Missing a leg
* Partially sighted
* Has lost large portion of his tail
* Castrated
* Has onset of mange

* Answers to the name of "Lucky"

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You're going to need more of that confidence now.

A rich CEO flies his private jet across the country to get an appointment with the best gynecologist in the business.

"Doctor," he says, "I'm not happy with the state of my sex life, and I want to you to castrate me today."

The doctor is shocked and asks, "Oh my... Okay, have you thoug...

An old man...

An old man, living alone in a hut in the mountains walked down to the village one day. He went to the doctor.
- I want to be castrated
- No? Surely you don't want to do that?
- Yes, I do! Please castrate me!
And so they did.
When he later walked back up to his hut he met ano...

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A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

 

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

 

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

 

"You see, that ott...

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Two very nervous men got to talking in the doctor's waiting room.

They discovered they had similar symptoms: one had a red ring around the base of his penis and the other one had a green ring. The fellow with the red ring was examined first. In a few minutes he came out, all smiles, and said, "Don't worry, man, it's nothing."

Vastly relived, the...

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A man suffered from a chronic hellish headache

He went to see a doctor who, after the usual exams, said:

- My friend, I have good and bad news. The good thing is that I can cure you of this headache forever. The bad news is that to do that I'll have to castrate you! Your testicles are pressing on your spine, and that pressure causes a he...

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

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Dear Midwest Diary...

Aug. 1

Moved to our new home in Chicago. It is so beautiful here.

The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered

with snow. I LOVE IT HERE!

Oct. 14

Chicago is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are

turning all different colo...

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[Long]A man is having terrible headaches

So a man is having terrible headaches. These have been going on for years –and they just keep getting worse. When the headaches strike the poor man can’t work, he can’t sleep, he can’t bare light or sounds or even touch. The poor guy sees doctor after doctor and tries every therapy from yoga to pres...

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