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Reconstruct Jokes

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Someone in the transplant club just recieved surgery to reconstruct his penis

Turns out it's our newest member

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Reconstructive surgery

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay. You'll walk again and everything. However, your penis was sever...

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Crushed Scrotum

During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”

There was...

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NSFW: What do you call a urologist who performs reconstructive surgery?

A cocksmith.

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A guy loses his penis in an accident.

He asks the doctor if there’s any hope of reconstruction. The doctor says “Sure. There have been a lot of medical advancements lately, but it’s not cheap.”

“How much does it cost?” asked the man.

“About $1,000 an inch. You should probably discuss this with your wife and let me know wha...

What do you do first before going in for facial reconstructive surgery?

You pick your nose.

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What's the difference between a clock and a surgeon that specializes in penis reconstruction?

One's a tick tock, the other's a dick doc.

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A baby is born without an eyelid and referred to a Plastic surgeon

Plastic surgeon : You’re lucky it’s a boy. We will perform a circumcision and reconstruct the eyelid with the foreskin.
Mom (not entirely reassured): Will he be ok ? Will he be cockeyed?

Plastic surgeon : Oh no Ma’am, in fact he will have foresight.

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Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more...

There was an accident at the toll booth

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and plowed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces.

Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and...

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A man loses his penis in an industrial accident

Through the wonders of modern medicine, plastic surgeons are able to reconstruct his penis using tissue from an elephant’s trunk. After a full year of recovery and therapy, he’s finally cleared to use his new penis

So he takes his beautiful girlfriend out for a nice meal at a fancy restauran...

Did you hear about that guy that lost his ear in a construction accident?

They reconstructed it from pig skin, the sound quality is good but there's still a little bit of crackling...

It's summer 2022

The war has ended as Putin saw all celebrities singing "Imagine" and he promptly got his troops back to Russia. The first tourist arriving at Kyiv Airport and visiting the capital city under reconstruction. When they exit the airport, the first thing they see is a statue of the fallen soldiers, the ...

A woman had chronic headaches.

She had them since she was in her early teens, and had gone to the doctor, had x-rays, scans, medication, and nothing seemed to help. Finally, she went to a headache specialist, and he told her that her left breast was the cause. The only treatment was to remove the breast. The good news was that he...

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Geography of a Woman vs a Man

Between 18 & 22 a woman is like Africa... half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 23 & 30 a woman is like America... well developed & open to trade, especially for high financed investors.

Between 31 & 45 a woman is like India... ver...

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John was in an accident and his face was badly burned.

The doctors couldn't reconstruct his face with John's own skin because he was so skinny. But his wife said they could use hers. The doctor decided that the best skin to be used was from her butt. So they took her skin and reconstructed Johns face.

After the surgery he looked better than ever!...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to a museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. H...

My wife went into hospital last night after an acid attack, "Will I still be attractive?" She sobbed.

The doctor had a quick look, and said, "Sure, but you may have to have some facial reconstruction and wear a mask.... How does that sound to you?"

"Not good!" My wife replied, "The acid only hit me on my leg."

The IRS call a rabbi.

The IRS call a rabbi:
"Excuse me, did Samuel Kohn really donate $10000 for the reconstruction of your synagogue?"
"He will..."

The county's road maintenance staff got a new trainee.

The trainee is tasked to paint the lines of a reconstructed highway before it is to be re-opened for public traffic.

- On Day 1 the trainee painted 5 miles.
- On Day 2 the trainee painted 2.6 miles.
- On Day 3 the trainee painted 0.9 miles.
- On Day 4 the trainee gets then question...

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Burn unit

I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with facial burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed

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How to rob a bank

I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping u...

A sprinter is training one day when he beats the world record.

After this he wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a completely shattered foot.
"I'm afraid this happens sometimes in jokes," says the doctor, "and frankly you got off lightly. You reached the limit of what the laws of physics allow for and hit the fourth wall."

"Does this mean I...

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Geography of a woman

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open.Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is l...

Hand Surgery

A man suffers a traumatic accident that requires the surgical reconstruction of both his hands. It takes multiple operations, but eventually his mangled digits resemble something human again, and he regains full use of all of his fingers. Thankful but somber, he asks the surgeon, "But doc, will I ev...

Once in a small town lived a guy, who dreamt of having a car

He was fascinated by their speed and beauty, yet his parents wouldn't agree to fulfil his dream and buy it for him. So he changed various jobs, worked part-time and ran errands, anything just to get a bit closer to saving up for that final trophy. But as time came by his bank account didn't seem to ...

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[NSFW] A woman goes in for surgery...

A woman is booked in to have a vaginal reconstruction operation and prior to the procedure she shaves and cleans downstairs to help make the operation go smoothly.

After the operation she awakes to find three roses on her bedside table, she turns to the nurse and asks, "Excuse me nurse, where...

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