UPJOKE
computer sciencethree-toed slothlearnslothroboticschessgosichangtimachinelearninginseminationcomputingmt

‌‌I w‌‌a‌‌s i‌‌‌‌n V‌‌enic‌‌e B‌‌eac‌‌h i‌‌‌‌n J‌‌anuar‌‌y a‌‌n‌‌d t‌‌her‌‌e w‌‌a‌‌s a‌‌‌‌ h‌‌omeles‌‌s m‌‌a‌‌n w‌‌it‌‌h a‌‌‌‌ s‌‌ig‌‌n t‌‌ha‌‌t s‌‌ai‌‌d "‌‌‌‌1 d‌‌olla‌‌r f‌‌o‌‌r d‌‌irt‌‌y j‌‌oke."

Seeme‌‌d l‌‌ik‌‌e a‌‌‌‌ g‌‌oo‌‌d i‌‌nvestmen‌‌t t‌‌‌‌o m‌‌‌‌e s‌‌‌‌o I‌‌‌‌ g‌‌ladl‌‌y h‌‌ande‌‌d o‌‌ve‌‌r a‌‌‌‌ d‌‌ollar.

Homeles‌‌s m‌‌an‌‌: "‌‌Alrigh‌‌t s‌‌i‌‌r w‌‌hat‌‌s y‌‌ou‌‌r n‌‌ame?"

Me‌‌: "‌‌Bobby"

Homeles‌‌s m‌‌an‌‌: "‌‌S‌‌o Bobby, t‌‌her‌‌e i‌‌‌‌s b‌‌lac‌‌k r‌‌ooste‌‌...

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AI Doctor.

Guy hurts his arm. It's painful so he goes to his doctor.

The receptionist says "it's all AI now, just supply a sample of your urine and put it in the machine"

The guy things "weird but o.k'., does a sample, puts it in the machine.

A minute later a message appears. 'You have a ...

Joke written by an AI

Disclaimer: The joke below was not created by me, or any human, but rather by an AI. I was curious to see if an AI could have a sense of humor.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman. After an hour of conversation, the woman says to the man, "Thank you for buyin...

I created an AI that analyzed everything submitted to /r/Jokes over the past year, then I had it write its own joke. Here is that joke.

EXC_BAD_ACCESS (code=1, address=0x0)

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because




ROBOTS CAN...

How would you figure out whether someone is an AI robot or a human in Reddit?

Nice try bot.

AI-Generated Joke: "What Kind of Error is a Clothes?"

"A Dress Up."




(It gives an explanation for the Joke. So apparently it's a Joke because...

mess and dress rhyme.

mess-up is a kind of error.

dress and clothes mean roughly the same.

)

i tried using an ai to generate a joke with the prompt "two guys walk into a bar"

Two guys walk into a bar.

It's just one, and he's forty.

"what will it be, sir?"

"A water," the guy says.

He takes a sip.

He grimaces and makes a face.

"That's really watery."

"Yes," says the bartender.

An AI algorithm walks into a bar...

and says "I'll have what everyone else is having."

What is an AI's favourite music?

Algorhythms

How can we beat an AI invasion

we wear stoplights

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”

“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.

Leaders from all over the world applied the proposals on the paper and in a month everyone starts living a bett...

How did the young computer geek refer to his AI-based girlfriend?

His "Databae"

AI will never take away my job.

Only an idiot would do my job.

Have you ever heard of Roko's Basilisk? (contains a small amount of existential dread)

It's a thought experiment provided by a user named "Roko" on a philosophy forum-based website.

Suppose a machine is invented that can simulate the whole world from the past to the future, becoming practically omniscient. The scientists who made this obviously want this to help the world, so ...

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Ol Henry Graber's son, Abraham, became the first Amish software engineer.

He was one of the pioneers of AI voices. But he was let go because they were too hoarse and buggy.

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Is there a God?

Scientists have created an AI, and asked it, "Is there a God?"

The AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer."

The scientists connected the AI to a powerful supercomputer and gave it access to Wikipedia, and asked it again, "Is there a God?"

Again, the AI ...

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

The perfect AI

Some many years into the future...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

I have a self-driving car, yesterday I added Microsoft word to its AI program.

Today it wrote it's autobiography.

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

Finally, he had made the perfect AI, a superhuman intelligence, waiting for his orders ...

Finally, he had made the perfect AI, a superhuman intelligence, waiting for his order. It would do whatever he told it to do, and it would do so in the most effective, fastest and cheapest way possible. So he thought, and thought and finally said to the robot, "Robot, I don't want to see any sufferi...

In 500 years when computers become sentient ai beings...

Would they be considered nonbinary?

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Did I ever tell you about my friend who bought experimental AI shoes?

He always stayed out late drinking and partying and most mornings he woke up god knows where, no wallet or phone, completely lost and stranded.

One day he met a man at a bar, they got talking and the man told him about these new shoes his company was developing; no matter how out of it you we...

AI learns that Jesus was crucified to save everyone from their sins and he'll. AI believes in redundant safety.

AI clones 1000 jesuses and crucifies them all

I named my data endpoint protection AI "Johnny".

He's my Johnny D.E.P.P.

[OC] What do you do if your AI catches a virus?

You give it some Robo-tussin!

I got a computer to analyse every episode of Married With Children and it developed sentience based on what it learned.

It's an AI Bundy.

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

I can't wait for an AI to reach 10% of the capabilities of the average human.

Then we can replace all of Congress with a single AI.

What instruments should be featured in a rogue AI's music band?

Just Harmonika

AI will silently take over a lot of industries until it gets to carpentry...

then suddenly everyone will start coming out of the wood work

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Why did the AI cross the road?

Nobody has a fucking clue why...

AI: Rise and Fall

So a programming team developed true AI capable of thinking, reasoning, and feeling. They wrote all the code in Scheme They go to their project manager and tell him of their invention and invite him to come talk to it. He agrees and sits down at the terminal they point to.

He types:
Hell...

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

Why do they use AI (Captcha, etc.) to detect if you’re a robot online?

It takes one to know one.

An engineer creates the smartest AI in the world

An engineer creates the smartest AI in the world.
To test it he lets his nephew try it. The boy asks "Where is my father?"

After a couple of seconds the computer answers "Your father is at the Niagara Falls with a friend"

The kid turns to his uncle and says
"Uncle, this compu...

I've perfected an AI as a substitute to a girlfriend.

Every time I try to turn it on I get the silent treatment and there are no output to tell me what's wrong.

Who is smarter, a robot maid or a robot MD?

A robot maid, because she's got her AI.

Two guys walk into a bar

They walk up to the robot bartender and the first guy says "I'll have an h2o." The second guy says "I'll have an h2o too!" The robot bartender then murders them both because Elon Musk was right about AI.

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A Brazilian and a Venezuelan gets into a fight

They cant agree on which country has the best ass cheeks. To settle the debate in a fair non partisan manner they decide to consult the most advance AI of the Time.



The AI prompts them to word their question very carefully because it always outputs exactly what it is asked from it. <...

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You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

Jokes generated by AI at the University of Edinburgh

I like my relationships like I like my source: Open.
I like my coffee like I like my war: Cold.
I like my boys like I like my sectors: Bad.

http://www.i-programmer.info/news/105-artificial-intelligence/6210-ai-is-funny-a-generative-joke-model.html

A grizzled veteran notices a new recruit in the warzone and walks up to him.

"Did you come here to die?"


"Naw mate, Ai came here yesterdai!"

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

Little Johnny and the drawing project

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided ...

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?

AI (Artificial Intelligence)

in the next 50 years we will all be living under communism

because when AI will enslave us we will all be **equally** miserable.

Mark Zuckerberg

Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?

Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI

Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge

Mark :

consultant :

Mark ...

So, I was in philosophy class

We were talking about AI in relation to the mind-body problem, and the professor said to flip to page 404. I couldn’t find it.

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I met a guy at the pub,... (long)

I met a guy at the pub, who was experimenting with AI and shoes. He had designed himself a pair of shoes that would learn where you live and where you go regularly and if you ever get lost the shoes would be able to guide you home.

He found out the best use for them was to get him home after ...

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The Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the West coast of Ireland lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the village’s only undertaker who also happened to be the local p...

What's the difference between a conspiracy theorist and a futurist?

Replace the words "new world order" or "aliens" with the words "robots" or"AI," and replace the word "now" with "future." One gets laughed at, while the other gets invited to TED talks.

Daedalus and the Labyrinth

Daedalus, the famous Greek architect and inventor, was relaxing in his home in the Blessed Isles of the Underworld when Hades, the Lord of Death himself, came to him with a favor.

"Listen, Daedalus," Hades began. "You know how the population of the dead here increase every year? The Underworl...

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