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Sloth Jokes

What did the Tortoise say when she was dating the Sloth?

Let’s taake it sloooooow.

That poor sloth

A sloth got robbed by three turtles.

When the cops showed up to help him they asked, “what did the turtles look like?”

The sloth said, “I don’t know, it all happened so fast!”

I watched a gif of a sloth for 5 minutes yesterday

Until I realized it was just an image

How did the sloth become President of the tree?

He slept his way to the top.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The interrupting sloth.

The interrupting sloth who?





















Ahhhhhh!

What is the name of Jay-Z's pet sloth?

Lay-Z

My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths?

Don't Hurry, Be Happy

Why do we not eat sloths in the US?

Because it’s not a fast food

A sloth walks into a bar in the afternoon

Bartender: we are closing in 5 minutes

Sloth gets mugged

A sloth gets mugged by three turtles. At the police station the cop asks him if he got a good look at the muggers. The sloth replies "I don't know, it all happened so fast".

Wanna hear my sloth joke?

Knock

What do you call an intelligent sloth?

Slo-mo sapiens

[OC] So a Sloth goes to tell a joke and says...

“Knock...”

After making love to my wife last night, she told me I had a body built for sin

12 hours later, I still can't figure out if she meant Gluttony or Sloth

You let a sloth give you gonnorhea?!

*slow clap*

Who’s a sloth’s favorite rapper?

Lay-Z

A sloth walks into a bar

Well actually, I got ahead of myself, it’s still walking there...

This is taking longer than I expected...

Never mind, I’ll finish the joke when the sloth finally gets here.

What do you call a slow sloth?

a sloth.



My son told me this joke when was 8. We was just sitting in the room watching Zootopia and he says to me, he says "Hey dad want to a hear a joke?" so I says back "sure" and then he said the joke. I was so taken about by the simplicity of it, that I damn near died laughing. (f...

A sloth goes to a bar to get drunk.

After a long time and a lot of drinks the bartender asks the sloth why he is there.






The sloth replies, "I'm depressed, my wife is leaving me. I bet she's already halfway through the kitchen."

What did the sloth say when it was mugged by a bunch of snails?

"It all happened so fast!"

What do sloths and depressed people have in common?

Both hang from the tree

If Sloth discovered the gold in the Goonies.

He would have shouted 'AU guys!'

Why are sloths so good at giving handjobs?

They aren't in a hurry.

What did Sloth say when he found gold?

AU GUYS!!!

An Internet Explorer user was recently mugged by a snail, a turtle, and a sloth.

When reporters asked him if he could describe the muggers, he responded, "Not very well. It all happened so fast."

How are a sloth and a depressed person similar?

Both hang from trees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Sloth was on the top of a tree smoking weed.

The Gecko saw it and went to ask for a hit and the Sloth said "Sure man! Take a big hit that's some good shit".
Almost immediately after taking a hit the Gecko started coughing like crazy. The Sloth then said to the Gecko "Damm go to the river and drink some water. I told you that's some good shi...

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.

A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.

"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang ...

Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open?

Because when it comes to energy they're conservative.

I am truly a party animal!

Sadly, a sloth.

I told my girlfriend I got gonorrhea from bestiality. She laughed and left me the same way as that sloth.

With a slow clap.

I'm just okay during Pride Month.

But just wait until Sloth Month. Or Gluttony Month. That's my time to shine.

Did you know that the seven main characters on SpongeBob SquarePants represent the seven deadly sins?

SpongeBob:

Patrick:

Squidward:

Sandy:

Plankton:

Gary:

Mr. Krabs: Lust, sloth, wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, and greed

What are ‘pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth’ commonly known as?

The Bill of Rights

They say I have a body built for Sin

That sin being Sloth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The seven shittiest Sins

Greed: I want shit
Envy: I want your shit
Wrath: I'm going to wreck your shit
Lust: I'm into some freaky shit
Gluttony: This is some tasty shit
Sloth: I don't feel like doing shit
Pride: I am the shit

P.s : Not mine. I saw it today on 9gag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a busy day in Heaven....

So God figures he will let in the 3 next most pathetic deaths, and close up for the day. God asks the first guy "how did you die"?

Guy 1: Well, a co-worker told me my wife was cheating on me, so I left work early to catch her in the act. I got home to my 10th floor condo, burst through the do...

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