Wanna hear a joke about free healthcare?

Oh, your American? Never mind , you wouldn’t get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know how I quit smoking?

I decided to smoke only after sex.

I just wanna say to all people suffering from Paranoia

You are not alone

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

Wanna know the best thing about a covid joke?

Everybody gets it.

Dad: “For your birthday, do you want a new weight set or a new treadmill? Also, do you want to have a party at the beach or at the park? Or do you just wanna wait and see what we surprise you with?”

Son: “Weight and sea”

Dad: “okay we’ll just surprise you”

Costco worker asked if I wanna box for my groceries

No bro, I’m just trying to pay for them, everyone’s so violent these days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sexiest mythological creature is Medusa

Whenever I see her I get rock hard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a friend when she asked “do you wanna see a trick?”

Interested in what it was, I reply “sure, what do you have”

She pulls out a penny and asks “ do you smell anything?” Puzzled for a moment I reply “no, not really” she smirks “you should, it’s a cent.”

She then puts a second penny in front of the first and asks “do you see any fruit?” A...

I wanna tell my girlfriend she's using way too much teeth when she goes down on me, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

How do I soften the blow?

Wanna hear a song about Covid-19?

It's pretty catchy.

Wanna know how to make Texans really mad?

Cut Alaska in half, so Texas becomes the *third* largest state.

Wanna hear the wurst meat joke ever??

... did ya like it??

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanna see if this Serbian joke can withstand translation

A grandson went fishing with his grandpa and as they sat next to the river the grandpa opened a beer.

The grandson asked for one and the grandpa said: "Can you touch your anus with your dick?"
The grandson said no and the grandpa said no beer for you.

A couple of months pass and the...

I wanna become a musical comedian

Sadly, none of my jokes are noteworthy...

My best friend doesn’t wanna hang out with me anymore because he says I’m “behind the times.”

Wait until everyone on MySpace hears about this.

Wanna hear something funny?

China is a member of UN human right council

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, let me give you the tour so you can see for yourself"

He then proceeds to escort Ja...

The shop assistant asked if I wanna box for my groceries.

Told her I hate violence, and asked if I could just pay be card instead.

A blind man enters a bar and asks the Barkeeper "Wanna hear a joke about blondes?"

Suddenly, the bar is as silent as a grave. A guy next to the blind man leans over and whispers

"Dude, be carefull. The barkeeper is blonde and an ex-soldier. The bouncer is also blonde and the reigning box champion of the city. And then there is Joe... he's just released from prison after he...

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

Jumping on the bandwagon: I wanna see if this Spanish joke is as funny to English speakers.

Q. What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

A. Bilingual

Q. What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

A. Trilingual

Q. What do you call someone who speaks many languages?

A. Polyglot

Q. What do you call someone who speaks one language?...

Wanna know what is scarier than a horror game

said horror game’s fanbase.

Wanna hear a joke about procrastination?

Ugh fine i’ll tell you later

Wanna hear a dirty joke

A white horse fell in the mud

You wanna know why chocolate is called chocolate?

Because it's never chocoearly!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanna start a company that makes both condoms and coffins.

The slogan would be "We got you covered whether you are Cumming or Going."

I'm a beggar and I wanna make a difference in this world. You may disagree with me

But I beg to differ

Wanna get attention on reddit?

Mark it NSFW

Wanna know my favorite thing about doing meth??

Only two more sleeps till christmas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and a girl go out on a date..

It's going so well, SHE invites him back to her place. They do the horizontal mambo late into the night. Around sunrise, she leaps up in a panic.

"What!? what!?" says the man.

"I forgot to ask you, you don't have AIDS, do you!?" she asks.

"No!"

"Whew! I don't wanna get th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know what happened to the guy who died from a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close his casket.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanna die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa

And not screaming and shitting myself like the passengers of his bus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I also wanna see if this hindi joke can withstand translation

The Master sacks his servant from the job.

....after a few days.....

Master - Why do you shit outside my house everyday?

Servant - To help you realise that even though you have sacked me, I find enough to eat.

I wanna see if this Pittsburgh joke translates into English

Didjinz gise no dem stillers er gun win da souper bull?

Hunter: Wanna get shot by a rifle?

Duck: Sure, I'm game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun is sitting on the bus when a hippie comes in and sits next to her...

After a while the hippie asks the nun "hey you, wanna fuck?" But the nun replies "no, God forbids it!" And she get's out on the next stop.
A few minutes later the hippie want's to get out too and right as he want's to leave the bus, the bus driver yells "hey you, hippie, come over here.
I hea...

A boy asked a girl in a library if he can sit beside her

The girl shouted "NO, I DON'T WANNA SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Everybody stared at the boy while he sat somewhere else.

The girl then approached the guy a while later and said "I study psychology, so I know when a man is going to flirt"

The boy shouted "$300 FOR A NIGHT, THAT'S ...

Bob and John are talking to each other. "Wanna hear a joke", said Bob.

"Sure", replied John.

"A Joke", Bob said back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second p...

I got a really cheesy joke I wanna share

Never mind it's not too grate.

Damn I suck.

Wanna get a Jesus bod? Ever wonder how the Lord got so ripped?

CrossFit

Wanna hear a poem?

I dig.
You dig.
He dig.
She dig.
They dig.
We dig.


It's not much but its pretty deep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you wanna get in the porn bussiness.

You must really suck at your job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know the difference between life and dicks?

Life is always hard.

Do you guys wanna know what success looks like?

6s

Wanna hear two short jokes and a long one?

Joke. Joke.



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna hear a joke about Kool-Aid?

Crap. I forgot the punch line

Sometimes I wanna cry...

...when I think about how much I hate emotional people.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

I’m still working on it.

A guy and girl go back to her place to hook up. As he goes to drop his pants, he tells her, "I just wanna let you know I'm hung like a baby...". To which she starts to quickly reply, "It's ok, I've been with someone sma....", and she stops abruptly as he drops his pants.

"What the hell?!", she said.

He said, "I tried to tell you, I'm hung like a baby. 7 lbs, 19 inches!"

In order to stop accusations of racism, Trump decides to hire a Mexican immigrant

However, he doesn't feel confortable having him as an employee and calls him over in his office.

Juan: "Why you call me, jefe ?"

Trump: "You're fired!"


Juan: "Que ?! Why ?!!"


Trump: "Because....uh... Because you didn't finish high school!"

Juan: "Oh, no pro...

My ex has the body of a 19 y/o. Wanna see it? :-)

It's in the fridge.

You wanna sell seashells by the seashore?

Well that’s a lot easier done than said.

Do you wanna know why i hate anti-jokes?

They’re not funny

I wanna be mad rich....

I'm already mad so I’m half way there

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to Dicks Sporting Goods and bought a heavy bad and 14oz gloves. The checkout clerk asked me, "Do you wanna box for those?" ...

Why does it always have to be a fight with you people? Can't I just pay for them and go home?

Do you wanna hear a Corona virus joke?

Nevermind, you'll probably spread it around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He's not even your father.

Son: dad, I wanna marry that girl in the apartment below us.

Dad: don't, I had a relationship with her mom. I'm afraid she turns out to be your sister.

Son: thenlet me marry the one in thr apartment above us.

Dad: forget that one too, I had it with her mom. I'm afraid she turns ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl you wanna go to Ireland

Cos you're Dublin the size of this cock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and an alligator walk into a bar.

The alligator's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts...

I wanna try asking out my school crush, but it might come off as awkward

Man being a teacher is hard

The son wanna date a neighbour

\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?

\- No, she is your sister.

\- How about Anna in block 59?

\- No, she is your little sister.

\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?

\- No, she is your brother.

The upset s...

A man sits in his car

A man sits in his car at a gas station. He has just refilled his gas and payed. When he is about to leave, he sees a blonde lady standing to the other side of the road. He pulls down his window, as the lady is waking towards his car. He handsome! The lady says. Can I catch a ride home? Sure, get in!...

Hey dad, wanna see my new book?

Yeah son, so long as it's not the novel coronavirus.

Hey! Wanna make $$$$ fast?

…Just follow my simple instructions:
1. Hold down the Shift Key
2. Press the number 4 four times.

It's that easy!

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

Wanna hear a joke about sodium?

Na

Wanna hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

NaBro

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does anyone wanna buy some used tampons?

No strings attached

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Moses and Jesus are playing golf.

Moses steps up to the tee and hits a beautiful shot 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hooks the ball into the trees.

Jesus looks up into the heavens, raises his arms, and suddenly the sky darkens. A thunder clap rings out, rain pours dow...

Boy: *Kissing girl on couch* You wanna take this upstairs?

Girl: Hehe sure baby

Boy: Sweet! Grab the other end, I can't carry it by myself

Mommy mommy I wanna grow up to be a conspiracy theorist!

Prove it

Wanna know where I store all my dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base

Wanna know how we knew communism was doomed from the start?

Because of all the red flags.

Wanna know my favorite leg day exercise?

Skipping.

A girl told her boyfriend that she was ready to "do it"

He was very excited and quickly went out to buy condoms from the nearest pharmacy. He found one nearby named Literal Pharmacy.

He went in and asked the owner for condoms. The owner asked him “which pack? Single, tripple pack, jumbo, or their special "family" pack?”
The boy asked for the f...

Wanna hear a dead baby joke I just made up?

Sorry, there are problems with the delivery.

The most NSFW one-liner.

You wanna join a union?

Don't wanna brag but I completed a Jigsaw puzzle in just a week.

Even though the box said 2-4 years

Instead of saying, "Kobe!" Whenever I take a shot I say, "Kurt Cobain!".

You wanna know why? Because he never missed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man finds an old dusty beer bottle, it feels like there's something inside so he rubs the dirt off to check and out pops a genie!

Smoke lifts from the stem of the bottle as a man appears floating in mid air wearing cargo shorts and a snapback.

Genie: "alright sport you get one wish make it count"

Man: "but I thought I got 3 wishes?"

Genie: "oh so one wish isn't good enough for you huh? You know when I was ...

What does a leper say to pick a fight?

You wanna piece of me?!

The punchline comes before the joke

Wanna know what's the worst part about time travel jokes?

Wanna know the weird thing about dead babies?

They’re still born

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump goes to Russia to have dinner with Putin...

After dinner they’re hanging around the palace smoking cigars when Putin says “watch this”.

He rings a little bell and this beautiful Russian girl walks in, gets on her knees in front of him, and starts sucking his dick.

After a few moments Putin smacks her on the back of the head and ...

I can still remember my grandfather's last words before he kicked the bucket

He said to me:
Hey! Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?

Racism

Sometimes if I wanna get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with "I'm not racist,
"I'm not racist, but you look great today."

And they say, "that wasn't racist at all."

And I say, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

A Man goes to a bar with his friend at his friend favourite bar after they are few drinks down someone yells 26

Everyone starts laughing including his friend and this guy is confused he asks his friend what's happening before his friend can answer someone else shouts 94 everyone including his friend is in splits now the guy starts getting really confused. After few moments of silence someone says 153 eve...

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

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