An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

I wanna tell my girlfriend she's using way too much teeth when she goes down on me, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

How do I soften the blow?

I'm a beggar and I wanna make a difference in this world. You may disagree with me

But I beg to differ

I wanna start a company that makes both condoms and coffins.

The slogan would be "We got you covered whether you are Cumming or Going."

I got a really cheesy joke I wanna share

Never mind it's not too grate.

Damn I suck.

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

Costco worker asked if I wanna box for my groceries

No bro I’m just trying to pay for them, everyone’s so violent these days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know the difference between life and dicks?

Life is always hard.

Wanna know what quarantine has really taught me?

That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.

A blind man enters a bar and asks the Barkeeper "Wanna hear a joke about blondes?"

Suddenly, the bar is as silent as a grave. A guy next to the blind man leans over and whispers

"Dude, be carefull. The barkeeper is blonde and an ex-soldier. The bouncer is also blonde and the reigning box champion of the city. And then there is Joe... he's just released from prison after he...

Wanna get a Jesus bod? Ever wonder how the Lord got so ripped?

CrossFit

Sometimes I wanna cry...

...when I think about how much I hate emotional people.

Do you guys wanna know what success looks like?

6s

Wanna know the difference between men and women?

Men can't sell their bath water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna hear a joke about Kool-Aid?

Crap. I forgot the punch line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to Dicks Sporting Goods and bought a heavy bad and 14oz gloves. The checkout clerk asked me, "Do you wanna box for those?" ...

Why does it always have to be a fight with you people? Can't I just pay for them and go home?

Do you wanna hear a Construction joke?

Too bad, i'm still building on it...

Wanna hear a poem?

I dig.
You dig.
He dig.
She dig.
They dig.
We dig.


It's not much but its pretty deep.

I wanna be mad rich....

I'm already mad so I’m half way there

You wanna sell seashells by the seashore?

Well that’s a lot easier done than said.

Wanna hear two short jokes and a long one?

Joke. Joke.



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Wanna hear something shocking?

A million Volts.

The son wanna date a neighbour

\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?

\- No, she is your sister.

\- How about Anna in block 59?

\- No, she is your little sister.

\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?

\- No, she is your brother.

The upset s...

A guy and girl go back to her place to hook up. As he goes to drop his pants, he tells her, "I just wanna let you know I'm hung like a baby...". To which she starts to quickly reply, "It's ok, I've been with someone sma....", and she stops abruptly as he drops his pants.

"What the hell?!", she said.

He said, "I tried to tell you, I'm hung like a baby. 7 lbs, 19 inches!"

My ex has the body of a 19 y/o. Wanna see it? :-)

It's in the fridge.

Hey dad, wanna see my new book?

Yeah son, so long as it's not the novel coronavirus.

Wanna know where I store all my dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl you wanna go to Ireland

Cos you're Dublin the size of this cock

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does anyone wanna buy some used tampons?

No strings attached

I wanna try asking out my school crush, but it might come off as awkward

Man being a teacher is hard

Do you wanna hear a Corona virus joke?

Nevermind, you'll probably spread it around.

Don't wanna brag but I completed a Jigsaw puzzle in just a week.

Even though the box said 2-4 years

Mommy mommy I wanna grow up to be a conspiracy theorist!

Prove it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

Wanna know the weird thing about dead babies?

They’re still born

Wanna hear a dead baby joke I just made up?

Sorry, there are problems with the delivery.

Wanna hear a joke about sodium?

Na

Wanna hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

NaBro

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A boy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?

He took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles was the neighbor.

Wanna know how we knew communism was doomed from the start?

Because of all the red flags.

Wanna know the difference between COVID-19 and my Posts

One actually leaves New

Wanna know my favorite leg day exercise?

Skipping.

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

Hey! Wanna make $$$$ fast?

…Just follow my simple instructions:
1. Hold down the Shift Key
2. Press the number 4 four times.

It's that easy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

wanna fuck? why do you have to say it like that its supposed to be a magical moment!

ok hocus pocus lemme strokus

Boy: *Kissing girl on couch* You wanna take this upstairs?

Girl: Hehe sure baby

Boy: Sweet! Grab the other end, I can't carry it by myself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanna joke about my poop

but then i thought it was gonna be shit anyways

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Hey Amazon I wanna buy something

Amazon: Ok, but you need to find $25 worth of items to get free shipping

Me: Why's that?

Amazon: Because our prices are so low, only if you buy $25 can we cover our shipping costs

Me: Ok, I found 3 items that total $25 and pushed the Order button

Amazon: Great! Here are y...

what do you call it when a small bug doesn't wanna pay to get into heaven?

a protestAnt

I wanna make a Zelda pun

But I don’t wanna tri and force it

Me: Wanna 68? GF: What's that?

Me: It's a 69 but I owe you one.

I don't wanna go to the JFK museum

I'm not ready to get my mind blown.

You wanna see my belt of watches?

Nevermind it would be a waist of time

Hey, wanna hear a joke about reddit mods

[This post has been deleted aggressively]

Why don't churches have WiFi?

They don't wanna compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Wanna know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes into the bank, walks up to the teller and says, "Hiya Toots, I wanna make a fuckin' deposit over here."

The teller is a little taken aback by the customer's language, but does her best to be professional.

"Sir, I'm more than happy to help with that, but I'm going to need to ask you to mind your language while we conduct our business."

"Whoa, Lady, take it easy," the man says, "I just ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A man walks into a bar with a crocodile

Everyone jumps out of there chairs and spills there drinks in shock.The man proceeds to take a seat when the bartender walks up to him and says "Sir,you aren't allowed to bring a dangerous animal in here".

The man says to the bartender "Oh don't worry about him,he isn't dangerous,here let me ...

A guy walks into a bar.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a dozen shots. The bartender brings them to the guy, and as the bartender is grabbing the cheque, he sees that the guy has already downed over half of his shots.

The bartender walks over to the guy and exclaims, "Woah buddy, you might wanna chill out over th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ok so a horse is watchin MTV

The horse is seeing a rock band and thinks "hey I could do that." The horse calls up guitar center and is like "hey I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". T...

So yesterday, I ran into this savvy gold investor. He dropped his wallet as I was walking behind him. He didn’t notice so I picked it back up and ran it to him. He then proceeded to thank me profusely and gave me his number so I could get a share if his stocks. Do you wanna know what I said next?

“Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are sitting in a bar...

One man looks at the other and says "Wanna hear joke?"

"Sure"

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator!"

"Hahaha that's pretty good, but I have a better one. What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one!"...

I wanna marry a guy named Mark.

As that would make me Marksman :)

I couldn't work for that man. Not after what that man said to me. You wanna know?

He said "you're fired"

Hey girl, are you a toaster?

Cuz I wanna turn you on and put you in my bath.

Wanna know what's great about orphan jokes?

They never hit too close to home.

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?

As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"

My best friend Emily and her girlfriend Sarah gifted me a Rolex.

Really appreciate the present but not what I meant when I said I wanna watch

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