From the moment I saw my wife's abacus tattoo,

I knew I could always count on her.

For his birthday, I got my friend a telepathic abacus.

It's the thought that counts.

What's the difference between a lawyer and an abacus?

You can count on an abacus.

What did the man say to the abacus?

I’m counting on you.

If you’re ever trying to do something unexpected, don’t steal someone’s abacus.

They’ll be counting on that.

For Mother's Day, I bought my mom new beads for her abacus...

It’s the little things that count...

My wife always complains I’m insensitive. So I got her some beads of an abacus for her birthday.

She said, “What the hell are these?”

I replied, “It’s the little things that count.”

I lost my job in the abacus factory.

They said all my hard work was counter-productive.

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule"  as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator....

People think I’m weird because I swallowed an abacus...

It’s what’s inside that counts...

I made an abacus by threading string through polo mints.... has improved my menthol arithmetic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese mathematician Shinichi Mochizuki has been dubbed 'The Human Abacus'

Friends and family of Mr. Mochizuki have described him as 'someone you can really count on'

My abacus is really reliable for simple maths.

You can count on it.

When people ask me if my knock-off abacus works, I tell them...

“Don’t count on it”.

I asked the shopkeeper if he thought I should be refunded for my faulty abacus

He told me not to count on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Crappy Math Joke: Did you know the abacus... the first example of anal retentive beads?

What did the abacus say to the adding machine?

Calc you later!


Just received my new Chinese abacus. It's poorly made. I can't count on it

A man goes to a funeral ...

After the regular round of eulogies and speeches and well wishers, he leans over the pew and asks the widow:

"Mind if I say a word?"

“No, of course not”, she says. "Please do."

The man stands up, clears his throat and says:


Then promptly sits down.

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