Did you hear about the cannibal who switched to Spam?

He said it's the greatest thing since sliced Fred

A minister was completing a temperance sermon

A minister was completing a temperance sermon.

 

With great emphasis he said,

'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'


With even greater emphasis he said,

'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into...

What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin?

Short Attention Spam

Don’t accept a friend request from Hormel Foods.

It could be SPAM.

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? (read - not spam)

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?

Here's an incredibly simple way to do it,
and there is nothing to buy,
no investment to make,
no money to lose!

Try it now!

Follow this simple procedure:

1) Hold down the shift key.

2) Hit the 4 key four times fast.

If you get an email from Hormel don’t open it.

It might be spam.

I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...

that's just spam.

I just got hired as CEO of the Spam food company.

Suddenly nobody will answers my emails.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox

I find:

* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.
...

Spam in the Middle Ages

A prince is awaiting a letter from his loved one for three days and three nights. On the fourth day, a pigeon flies in and drops a letter on his lap. When he opens it he reads:

"Get your sword forged for cheap"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

Did you hear Pantene recalled all of their women’s shampoo?

Biden said if elected he will personally sniff out this situation.



PS, before spamming my inbox I’m a Democrat that just likes a good joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is spam different to a penis?

One is junk mail, the other is male junk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do spam emails and porn have in common?

They both make me insecure about my penis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who needs all those spam emails? I finally found a way to make my penis 8 inches!

Just fold it in half.

What happened to the car-salesman who was spamming in r/Germany?

He got autobahned

There’s an email going around offering processed pork, gelatine and salt in a can.

If you get this email, don’t open it. It’s spam.

A lame joke I made up based on an existing joke. Sorry if it's bad.

One day Sean joined a quiz team.

He and his teammates studied really hard for a quiz competition.

On the night of the quiz competition, in the last round, Sean and his team was 1 point behind first place.

However, they had one more question that if answered correctly, would awar...

We’ll we’ll we’ll

If it isn’t autocorrect...

People keeps sending me canned meat.

That's a lot of spam.

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it

It’s spam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

Edit: Yes, yes MILLIONS. I wasn't sure if those sources were true or not when I posted.

Also, the spam from the Trump people is great. I feel like I'm on the *real*...

If you receive a picture of some meat in a tin from me to your email address...

... don't worry, it's just spam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about...

The terrorist that was recently caught at a London airport with 3 cans of Spam jammed up his arse?

Police later confirmed he was a member of Ham Ass.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it.

It's spam.

Marketing terms explained

1. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
\--That's direct marketing.


2. You're at a party with friends and see a beautiful girl. One friend goes over to her, points at you, and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
\--That...

I hate jokes about canned meat

They’re mostly spam

At the end of a very strange day, a Jewish-turned Catholic man calls his Catholic friend to chat.

The moment the Catholic picks up, the former-Jewish man tells him that he had several people knocking at his door at two in the morning when he least expected it. The former Jewish man tells his friend that from his sleep-addled perspective, they strangely almost seemed like they were covered in sca...

What's a computer's least favorite food

Spam.

Two Cherokee warriors were walking through the forest

First one sees smoke clouds in the distance so he asks the second:

\- What does that say?

Second one replies:

\- Don't worry about it, it's just SPAM.

FFS my Reddit has been hacked. Please ignore any messages you may get from me about tinned meat...

It’s spam

Just received an e.mail stating $50 dollars to see Cardi B. live.

I'm probably not the right person to spam for these types of ransoms.

I got an email telling me that it was vegan month...

I felt bad putting the message in spam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's an email going around

offering processed pork, gelatin, and salt in a can. If you get this email, do not open it.

It's spam.



Crap looks like /r/jokes is going to delete my joke

"These are jokes. Some of them are old, and as such reflect the tone of the times. Some of them are new, and just as...

I signed up for the newsletter at my local ham market.

But all they sent was a bunch of spam.

Yo mamma so fat..

that the only reason she opened her email was because she heard it contained spam.

This year was especially tough for my family - we lost over 20 family members. Despite all this, I learned to look positive at things...

I'M GONNA TO BE RICH !!!



(btw, why GMail keeps putting these mails in spam?)

Somewhere in the world...

Somewhere in the world, there exists a man or woman with the email address [email protected], and they would be so mad if they found out that I'm the reason they get so much spam mail.

Hey Girl, are you a newly opened e-mail account?

Cos I wanna spam up you inbox so hard I leave a trojan inside you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dark jokes

1. How many dead babies do you need to change a light bulb? Well, apparently not 11, my flat is still dark.
2.Dark humor is like legs, some people don't have it.
3. What is the difference between jews and children? Children come back from their camps.
4. How much time does it take to grill ...

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