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My publisher just rang

Apparently my book “Sex with herbs” is finally being printed and will be in the shops soon.
It’s about fucking thyme

I just finished writing my book on penguins.

My publisher said it would've been better if I'd written it on paper.

Good news! I am about to publish a Reddit Jokes Book with all the different jokes ever posted on this page!

I'm just waiting for the first publisher to agree on publishing a book with only 4 pages.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to his publisher about his long awaited upcoming book?

I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write!

My publisher didn’t like my Erotica...

He said the plot was full of gaping holes

A lady finds out what a reference said about to her potential employer and is upset by it.

She calls her friend and asks him: "Why did you say I was a racist?!"

The friend is confused and asks "what are you talking about?"

The lady tells him, "You know how I listed you as a reference for that job in publishing? Because I always wanted to work in publishing? Well, not alway...

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

A newly published novelist wrote in her blog that her 100,000-word thriller got her $1,000,000 from her publisher.

She brags at a party that her words are worth $10 each. A slightly drunk guy walks up, confronts her by the bar, plots down $10 and says “OK, wise ass, give me one of those $10 words.” The writer calmly stuffs the bill in her pocket and says “thanks” and walks away.

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I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book

It's about a vixen whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.

I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.

I couldn't find any publishers for my autobiography, so I invested a whole pile of my own money and got 10,000 copies printed. I'm yet to sell even one copy.

Story of my life.

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Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

Job application...

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....


NAME - Greg Bulmash


DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be a...

Dickens: I wrote a book about ghosts

**Publisher:** we need a christmas book

**Dickens:** *[adding, like, 4 words]* I wrote a book about christmas ghosts

I'm all ready to blow the lid on nepotism in today's society!

Had some trouble interesting a publisher, but my uncle reckons he can have a word in the right ears.

(EDIT: This was the third time I tried this. The first two got auto-modded, possibly for "self-promotion")

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I entered ten puns into a pun contest

I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.

A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!...

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

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