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Active Jokes

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

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I was active at 12

It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me.

I'm going to quit my job and market a line of active-adult diapers and underwear liners with a feline theme.

Gonna call them Puma Pants.

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What is the active ingredient in ?

Mycoxaflopin

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I was first active at 10.

It's now 10:30, and my arm hurts.

What is a soldier's most active day of the year?

March forth!

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My doctor asked if I was active.

I answered "I use Reddit" and he put down no.

Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people.

This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed?

Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him

Is this sub still active???

I haven't seen a post all year...

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Doctor: are you active ?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

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A active

A couple goes to visit a farm. A farmer shows them around and points toward a chicken and says, "This chicken is amazing, he can have 300 times a day."

The wife glances meaningfully to the husband and says, "Wow, what an amazing ."

He husband, wisely, asks the farmer, "But is i...

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

When are bullies the most active?

In the meantime

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[NSF] even after 25 years of faithful marriage, i still have a very active life

and on rare occasions, my wife decide to join in

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Only -active people will get this

STD.

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4 out of 5 physicians say that having an active life is normal.

So yes, we’re all very special.

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My doctor asked me how often I'm active, and I told him that I have a number of times each week.

Zero is a number.

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Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their lives

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week".

The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active s...

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What do you call a active Bison?

Bisexual

The most active user on reddit:

[deleted].
Seriously this guy is everywhere.

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Doctor: Are you active?

Me: [drinking an entire glass of water]
My puppet: No.

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A mother found out condoms in her daughter's dresser. She is obviously concerned, so she asks her, "Are you active?" The daughter replies...

Not really, mom. I just sort of lie there.

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

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Why is college like being active without protection?condom?

It's really fun until you get tested.

I finally found an active Hillary Clinton sub with a lot of subscribers!

/r/politics

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Did you hear about the active squirrel on cocaine?

He was nuts

So they've started planting trees actively nowadays.

Well that's a releaf

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Remember, regular keeps the mind active and the memory in tip-top condition.

I wish everyone a happy 2016!

What do you call an politically active Ewok ?

An Ewoke

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer)

A high quality post on a website with active comment section

*Top Comment *
Thank you for the gold stranger

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How can you tell if a mechanic has an active life?

One of his fingers is perfectly clean.

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”


The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

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If being active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight?

Developing cancer.
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