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Active Jokes

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

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I was sexually active at 12

It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me.

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A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon....

that she wanted her labia reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
...

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What is the active ingredient in Viagra?

Mycoxaflopin

What is a soldier's most active day of the year?

March forth!

I'm going to quit my job and market a line of active-adult diapers and underwear liners with a feline theme.

Gonna call them Puma Pants.

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I was first sexually active at 10.

It's now 10:30, and my arm hurts.

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My doctor asked if I was sexually active.

I answered "I use Reddit" and he put down no.

Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed?

Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him

Is this sub still active???

I haven't seen a post all year...

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I am sexually active

i run on the treadmill and masturbate at the same time.

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Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people.

This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.

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A sexually active cock

A couple goes to visit a farm. A farmer shows them around and points toward a chicken and says, "This chicken is amazing, he can have sex 300 times a day."

The wife glances meaningfully to the husband and says, "Wow, what an amazing cock."

He husband, wisely, asks the farmer, "But is i...

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

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[NSF] even after 25 years of faithful marriage, i still have a very active sex life

and on rare occasions, my wife decide to join in

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

When are bullies the most active?

In the meantime

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Only sexually-active people will get this

STD.

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4 out of 5 physicians say that having an active sex life is normal.

So yes, we’re all very special.

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My doctor asked me how often I'm sexually active, and I told him that I have sex a number of times each week.

Zero is a number.

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Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week".

The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active s...

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What do you call a sexually active Bison?

Bisexual

The most active user on reddit:

[deleted].
Seriously this guy is everywhere.

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One day a twelve year old walks into a house of ill-repute dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. He slaps a hundred dollar bill on the counter and says

"I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says "Don't you think
you're a bit young for that?" He slaps another
hundred on the counter and says "I want one of
your women."

The madam says "Okay, have a seat, she'll be down
in about thirty minutes." He slaps anoth...

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Doctor: Are you sexually active?

Me: [drinking an entire glass of water]
My puppet: No.

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A mother found out condoms in her daughter's dresser. She is obviously concerned, so she asks her, "Are you sexually active?" The daughter replies...

Not really, mom. I just sort of lie there.

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

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Why is college like being sexual active without protection?condom?

It's really fun until you get tested.

I finally found an active Hillary Clinton sub with a lot of subscribers!

/r/politics

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3 generations of prostitutes are talking about how much they charged for oral sex

Daughter says she charges $100 because she's worth it. Mother admits she only charged $50 when she was active. To which grandma says "In my time we were just happy to get something warm in out bellies"

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

So they've started planting trees actively nowadays.

Well that's a releaf

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Remember, regular sex keeps the mind active and the memory in tip-top condition.

I wish everyone a happy 2016!

What do you call an politically active Ewok ?

An Ewoke

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer)

A high quality post on a website with active comment section

*Top Comment *
Thank you for the gold stranger

What would you call a woman who actively encourages her husband to sleep with her friends?

Sharon Cox

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How can you tell if a mechanic has an active sex life?

One of his fingers is perfectly clean.

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”


The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

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If being sexually active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight?

Developing cancer.

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