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I was sexually active at 10

It is now 10:15 and my arm is still sore...

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A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone...

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A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, “Are you and your husband sexually active?” “Yes, we have verbal sex everyday.” the woman answered. “Verbal sex? I think you mean oral sex!” the doctor laughed. “No, I mean verbal sex.” the woman persisted...

“Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, ‘Fuck you!’"

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Why don't vampires have a very active sex life?

They only eat pussy once a month.

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Doctor: "Are you sexually active?"

Patient: "Nah, I just lie there."

I saw a news story that says there are 60,000 active cases of Coronavirus.

At least these infected people are exercising a lot.

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What do you call a sexually active couch?

A pullout.

Because the government can't seem to get out their own way and are actively hindering relief efforts, evangelicals have a point still going to church

Only God can help them now

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Doctor: are you sexually active?

**me:** No, I kinda just lie there.

**wife:** THIS- *[takes off doctor costume]* this is why we never role play anymore!

When are bullies the most active?

In the meantime

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A pregnant woman was walking past the bank one day when she heard three gun shots...

The woman awoke to the sound of small voice cooing as she slowly tried to grasp her surroundings. As she awoke, laying in a hospital bed, in pain and confusion, the doctor explained that she was caught in the crossfire of an active bank robbery and was shot in the stomach 3 times. Miraculously, the...

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Why is college like being sexual active without protection?condom?

It's really fun until you get tested.

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

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Voodoo dildo

A man walks into a sex shop and tells the shopkeeper that he'll be going on a trip soon. He tells the shopkeeper that his wife is very sexually active, and to keep her happy he wants to get her something to keep herself busy. The shopkeeper goes to the backroom and brings the man a box. The shopkeep...

What do you call a gun owner trying to intervene in an active shooter situation?

Two active shooter situations

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What is it called when an officer poops his pants while chasing a perp?

Active doody.

Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed?

Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him

I need a raise.

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. ...

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NSFW

### NSFW A man goes to the doctor to get birth control pills for his daughter

Doctor: Oh, is she sexually active?


Man: No, she just lays there like her mom

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

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In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a post for a year.




Happy new year from Australia

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Remember, regular sex keeps the mind active and the memory in tip-top condition.

I wish everyone a happy 2016!

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I'm not currently sexually active because i'm saving myself...

...Some Money

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If being sexually active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight?

Developing cancer.

Did you hear the judge’s recent linguistic faux pas, when they were addressing a recently convicted defendant?

“I Order you to serve 2 years incarcerated, 2 years active probation, 1 year of passive probation, 400 hours of community service, evidence of completion of an education service approved by the court, submit to a mental health evaluation...,” etc., etc..

Yeah, it was a run-on sentence.

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Only sexually-active people will get this

STD.

A high quality post on a website with active comment section

*Top Comment *
Thank you for the gold stranger

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Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

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What does being sexually active and being at school have in common?

If you miss a period you're in trouble.

TV crew decides to visit a hundred years old man living alone in a cabin in the woods

When they go there they see he is chopping wood and carrying it all by himself. He is active and healthy and has a body of a forty year old man.

They ask him "What is your secret?" and the old man tells them a story:

"Seventy years ago, there was a huge blizzard that came out of nowher...

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As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck. So if anyone needs me,

I'll be in my lab.

I know a friend who plays in a band...

He is saxually active.

So they've started planting trees actively nowadays.

Well that's a releaf

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An elderly married couple are at the doctor's, and he has some bad news.

"Mrs Smith," he says, "I'm afraid you have developed quite a serious heart murmur. In view of your age and frailty, I cannot recommend surgery. You still have several years left to you if you are careful to avoid excitement, and in particular, I have to emphasise that, if you have continued to be se...

Herd Immunity’s Victory

Hong Kong showed the world how to actively contain the virus.

Italy showed the world how one fails to contain the virus.

India showed the world how anybody can contain the virus.

Boris Johnson showed the world that the virus does not need to be contained.

People are surprised when I tell them that I have a 4.0GPA while working and maintaining an active social life

But hey, anything is possible if you lie.

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace an older doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his house-call rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

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Doctor: Are you sexually active?

Me: [drinking an entire glass of water]
My puppet: No.

I made a (hopefully) original joke!

In 2019, the army had been at war with another country. In order to keep their troops healthy, they needed to monitor the submarine that carried supplies to where the others were located.

But there was a small problem. Every so often, there would be a defect in the submarine's engine that wou...

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An active and successful widowed man finds himself at the end of his days in an upscale assisted living home.

His consoling and rich friends came to spend the last days with the man. While he was still coherent, they decide to hire him a hooker for a final hurrah.

They make the arrangements and the beautiful bubbly woman arrives at the nursing home for the assist a while later. She tells the man “Yo...

I finally found an active Hillary Clinton sub with a lot of subscribers!

/r/politics

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How can you tell if a mechanic has an active sex life?

One of his fingers is perfectly clean.

What do you call an politically active Ewok ?

An Ewoke

From a farmer I know

A lady and her husband are at the county fair and they walk up to where the bulls are being kept. The lady sees a sign on the first bull pen and reads it: "This bull services a cow a week!"

"Hmmm" she thinks to herself just as she notices a sign on the second pen. It read: "This bull service...

An old mathematician turns 89...

Soon after, his friends and family are astounded as he suddenly begins taking up a variety of sports, buying the newest things, and being as active as if he were in his twenties.
Before long, they approach him, asking about this behavior in spite of his age. The man responds "Well of course I'm...

Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...

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