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My doctor asked if I was sexually active.

I answered "I use Reddit" and he put down no.

What would you call a woman who actively encourages her husband to sleep with her friends?

Sharon Cox

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer)

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I was first sexually active at 10.

It's now 10:30, and my arm hurts.

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I was sexually active at 12

It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me.

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A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about m...

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I am sexually active

i run on the treadmill and masturbate at the same time.

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That’s right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

What do mermaids smoke when they want to get high?

Sea weed.

Why do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Because it contains the active ingredient THSea.

How do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Water bongs.

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Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives.

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week".

The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active s...

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I wish -

### A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.


“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.


The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.


“How mu...

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< Athletes foot! >

I made up this joke in 2010

........................................................

A very active runner was hit by a power shovel. The affect was to shear his privates off. When he got to the hospital the doctor tried to reattach it, but to no avail. The doctor then noticed that...

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A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, “Are you and your husband sexually active?” “Yes, we have verbal sex everyday.” the woman answered. “Verbal sex? I think you mean oral sex!” the doctor laughed. “No, I mean verbal sex.” the woman persisted...

“Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, ‘Fuck you!’"

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A sexually active cock

A couple goes to visit a farm. A farmer shows them around and points toward a chicken and says, "This chicken is amazing, he can have sex 300 times a day."

The wife glances meaningfully to the husband and says, "Wow, what an amazing cock."

He husband, wisely, asks the farmer, "But is i...

What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive?

Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. (Long)

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. He sat amidst billions upon billions upon billions, which surrounded him. He alone, at the end of time, bore witness to the Great Library, the vast repository of consciousness in Universe.

Before him was a pile of similar cubes. These cub...

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So, I went to the doctor...

She asked "What brings you here today?"

I replied "My car."

And then she looked down at the form, shook her head, checked a box, and commented under her breath: "Not sexually active."

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Doctor: are you sexually active?

**me:** No, I kinda just lie there.

**wife:** THIS- *[takes off doctor costume]* this is why we never role play anymore!

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One day a man is feeling depressed and goes to his therapist for advice.

"I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like living anymore." he said.

The therapist responded brightly. "Well I know just the trick for that. You need to be more sexually active." The man looks at him, confused. "What especially works for me is banging my wife two to three times a week....

When are bullies the most active?

In the meantime

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What do you call a sexually active couch?

A pullout.

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

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Only sexually-active people will get this

STD.

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Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

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Remember, regular sex keeps the mind active and the memory in tip-top condition.

I wish everyone a happy 2016!

Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed?

Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him

What do you call a gun owner trying to intervene in an active shooter situation?

Two active shooter situations

Because the government can't seem to get out their own way and are actively hindering relief efforts, evangelicals have a point still going to church

Only God can help them now

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.



At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”



The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the...

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Why is college like being sexual active without protection?condom?

It's really fun until you get tested.

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What does being sexually active and being at school have in common?

If you miss a period you're in trouble.

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If being sexually active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight?

Developing cancer.

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In the Beginning was the plan.

And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”

And the workers went unto their supervi...

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

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As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck. So if anyone needs me,

I'll be in my lab.

People are surprised when I tell them that I have a 4.0GPA while working and maintaining an active social life

But hey, anything is possible if you lie.

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I'm not currently sexually active because i'm saving myself...

...Some Money

A high quality post on a website with active comment section

*Top Comment *
Thank you for the gold stranger

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So this young woman goes to the doctor and he asks, "Are you sexually active?"

She says, "No l, I just lay there."

I'm thinking of joining a gym.

I'm keeping mentally active.

I finally found an active Hillary Clinton sub with a lot of subscribers!

/r/politics

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