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Bodily Function Jokes

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My grandpa likes to boast that his bodily functions are like clockwork

Now he wasn't always like this so he's been taking extra pride in it:

"everyday I go to sleep at 21 o'clock.then at 5:30 a.m. I take a piss.At 5:45 I have a shit,and at 6 a.m. sharp I wake up."

Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

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[OC] Inspector Gadget is sitting in his therapist's office, ranting...

“no, I actually love to be the center of attention, I love being able to say ‘go gadget rocket shoes’ and catch up to a car on foot, the super powers are great. It’s the tedium of life as a cybernetic man outside the spotlight that get to me. I’ve got four separate bowel systems to maintain and ever...

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A teacher was giving a lesson on manners while at a date.

She asked Willy, "What would you say if you need to use the restroom?" Willy responded, "I need to go pee". The teacher said, "Nice try, but it's not polite to talk about bodily functions at the table".

She then asked Billy, "What would you say, Billy?" Billy said, "I need to use the restroom...

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Three old men, 70, 80, and 90 years young, sat on a park bench for a chat.

During their conversation, the topic of sleep schedules and bodily functions comes up. Of course, being a competitive group, each one feels the need to have the most significant problems.

The 70 year old says, "I wake up at 5 AM every morning and need to pee urgently, but I have to stand th...

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied th...

A joke I will always love

In the distant future when interstellar space travel is common place, scientists are traveling through galaxies to find life on other planets. On one planter many light years away, they find a giant granite statue statue of a man in a squatting position. Upon close inspection they find this statue i...

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Flatulence problem...

**Okay, so I usually post my own jokes, but I thought i'd switch it up with one of my faves that's not written by me:**



There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of brea...

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