A married man was having an affair with his secretary
One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. ...
Haven't done any healthy activities during quarantine but still managed to stay in shape..
Unfortunately, the shape is potato.
What do you call a Prime Minister who spies on all your activities?
Roadmen can’t do many activities
They have high BLUD pressure
Santa’s Reindeer’s competition
In the days leading up until Christmas, all of Santa’s reindeer throw a party, with each reindeer throwing their own party on a different day. During the day before Christmas Eve, the elves, reindeer, and Claus’ would decide who threw the best party that year and there would be a prize.
Two battleships were out at sea during heavy weather for several days...
The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.
Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow."
"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.
Many horses were asked if they like being used for riding or other activities...
...the unanimously answer was "neigh".
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A couple left the gynecologist’s office with the wife in tears. They were just told that she could never become pregnant and they would never have the family they both desired so fervently.
Suddenly, a masked man appeared before them.
"I think I can help you," he said, handing them a card. "Why are you masked?" the husband asked. "Because the government has declared our activities illegal. Go to the address on this card. The doctor will take a scraping from your mouth and cultur...
My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.
He was a poultry farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens. My grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on them.
West London police wish to alert local residents about the activities of the infamous cross-eyed burglar.
If you see this man staring in your windows,
warn the people next door.
I've come into a lot of cash recently doing unethical activities
If it wasn't dirty money before, it certainly is now.
I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...
My official title is Band Aide.
(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)
An interview with a vampire
An interview with a vampire.
Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.
Voad: Well, I have tak...