Buzz Jokes - 61 Hilarious Buzz Jokes

Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...

"Well" he said, "it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door.

Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."

"And he won?" I said.

"Well, no" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped do...

You know what’s funny about Woody and Buzz in Toy Story?

Andy’s mom’s toys have the same name.

I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys.

They probably have the same names

What did Woody say to Buzz?

A lot. There were 3 movies.

a blonde is standing on the street buzzing at a lantern

a blonde police officer sees her buzzing the lantern, stops and asks: what are you doing, madam? The blonde answers: I’m trying to buzz my friend down but he’s not answering. Blonde police officer points confused at the light of the lantern and replies: but he must be home since the lights are on!...

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But me, what a night.

Yes, Buzz Lightyear could kill all the other toys

But Woody?

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A fly is buzzing around a wolf hound.

Fly: What kind of dog are you?

Dog: I'm a wolf hound.

Fly: A wolf hound? Strange name . Why do they call you like that?

Dog: Well, it's quite obvious. My mother was a hound and my father was a wolf.

Fly: I see...

Dog: So, what kind of fly are you?

Fly: I'm a...

A fly is buzzing around a cop, why doesn’t he kill it?

That’s what the swat team is for!

Where did Buzz feed learn to click bait so well from?

Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said “I’m the second guy to walk on the moon...”

“Neil before me”

Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are telling bad moon jokes at a party, and nobody is laughing.

Buzz sighs, "I guess you had to be there"

What did Woody say to Buzz Lightyear?

A lot of stuff, there's 4 whole movies plus some short films.

"Buzz, why in tarnation did ya shoot the spaghetti?", Woody exclaimed.

Buzz leaned back with a satisfied smile.

"Wasn't up to my standards", he commented.

"What do you mean?", Woody replied.

"Flavours were off."

"You... you've had spaghetti?"

"It's a Space Ranger specialty. In all emergency ration kits. And given how many emergencies ...

Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on

Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.

Mosquito came buzzing up and landed on me, said, "I just need a place to rest and maybe a bite to eat."

I said, "I feel you."

How can we call Buzz Aldren a hero?

When he *literally* turned his back on the world.

Every time I'm at the circus, insects keep keep buzzing around my head whispering the future to me.

Time flies when you're having fun.

Buzz Killington

Do you know why W.S Gilbert was frequently drunk on his transatlantic crossings?

Because he was a quartered on the portside!

What did the dog say to Woody after accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear?

You got a friend in me.

Why was Buzz Lightyear at the Lexus dealership?

To go beyond Infiniti

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The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the e...

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There’s a fly buzzing over the water.

A frog is sitting on a lily pad and he says if that fly drops three inches I’ll eat him for lunch.
A fish under the water is looking up and he says if that fly drops three inches that frog will jump, then I’ll jump and I’ll eat that frog for lunch.
There’s a bear on the side of the pond and...

Woody walks in on Bo Peep cheating on him with Buzz...

"How could you do this!?" Woody shouts.

"Woody," says Bo Peep sheepishly, "You've got a friend in me."

"Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing an insect buzzing around me"

"Don't worry it's just a bug that going around"

Why was the Buzz Feed employee found dead in the washroom?

Because number two shocked him.

What would you call Buzz Lightyear if he was an alcoholic?

Buzzed Allyear

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[] There was a fly buzzing around above a river.

There was a fly buzzing around above a river.

 

There was a trout in the river watching the fly thinking, "If that fly would drop down about a foot I could jump up and I'd have dinner."

 

On the shore there was a bear watching the trout watch the fly...

The scale in the bathroom is nicknamed Buzz Lightyear.

When I step on it goes to infinity and beyond.

BuzzFeed vs. Reddit war (reworked joke for the situation)

BuzzFeed and Reddit were at war.

BuzzFeed was on one side of a hill and Reddit was on the other side.

Reddit yells: I only have 1 meme over here but i bet it can beat your best 100 memes.

BuzzFeed send their best 100 memes. After some time Reddit yells back: Send your best 1000...

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Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says:
"When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."
The secon...

Buzz feed steal so much content they should rename themselves

The Appropriated Press

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A Turk, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are traveling on a train.

The compartment gets warm, so the Frenchman opens the window and a fly buzzes in. Wanting to show off, the Frenchman swiftly draws his sword and with one strike, the fly is split in half. As the others look on in amazement, the Frenchman hands out his business card, which reads: "France's Best Sword...

What do Buzz Lightyear and Bees have in common?

They both can fly.

What?

You thought I was going to make a pun? I'm not that shallow.

Now buzz off.

A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket...

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.

The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The...

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What kind of bees don't make a buzzing noise?

Boobies.

Did you hear about the BuzzFeed employee who peed on an exposed wire?

Number 1 shocked him.

BuzzFeed's "Ten ways to tell if someone is a terrorist"

#6 will blow your mind!

After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz.

Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a Woody.

What did woody and buzz say to your mom?

"Strange to see your toys have the same name as us."

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There's this fly buzzing around in a barn...

This fly is buzzing around a barn when he finds a huge pile of cow manure. "Yum!" says the fly and he buzzes down to it and gorges himself until he's so full that his wings can't carry him anymore.

"That's alright," thinks the fly, "If I get a little air first then I'll be able to fly no prob...

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If buzz aldrin lost a part of his in a space accident his nick name woulf be...

Buzz lightrear

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

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After buzzing about in a public toilet, how long will a fly generally stay sat on a urinal?

Until it gets pissed off.

Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?

They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.

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Three rats are at a bar telling stories on how tough they are....

The first rat takes a shot and says, "Whenever I find rat poison, I like to crush it up and do lines just to get a good buzz for the day."
The second rat takes a shot and says, "That's nothing! Whenever I find cheese on a mousetrap, I purposely trip the spring & right before I get crushed I ...

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were training for their moon mission in the moonlike deserts of the Western United States, where they had an encounter with an old Native American man.

The man asked what they were doing in the desert. They replied that they were going to travel to the moon, and explore it soon. When the old man heard that, he fell silent and pondered for a few moments, then asked the astronauts for a favor.

"What do you want?" the astronauts asked.

"...

I can't wait to read the BuzzFeed article on "20 Things You Will Love about Stranger Things"

Eleven will blow your mind!!!

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The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and...

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO ha...

A farmer was milking his cow

At one point, he noticed a fly buzzing in the cows' ear.

Shortly after the farmer looked down at the bucket and noticed a fly swimming in the milk.

"Huh," said the farmer. "In one ear, out the udder."

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When I was eight my grandfather told me...

There was this small pond in the woods and above it a fly was buzzing back and forth.

On the edge of the pond was a frog. The frog thought to itself, “If only that buzzing fly were a little lower I could hop up over the pond and eat it for my lunch.”

On a branch in the tree next to th...

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like using a with no batteries

Sure it fills you up but with none of the buzz.

I missed the Vice Presidential debate...

Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about?

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Moral of the Story

There was a fly buzzing over a lake. In this lake was a fish.

This fish was thinking to himself, "Man, if that fly would come down 6 inches, I could jump up and eat that fly."

Behind a bush near the lake sat a bear.

The bear looked at the fish, then at the fly, then back at th...

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Jewish Mom buys a new apartment

She calls her son once she is moved in and is gushing about what a nice place she has and invites him to come see it.

Of course he agrees so she starts giving him directions on how to get there.

"Once you park, head straight through the courtyard and you'll see a buzzer for the apartm...

I found a vinyl record of Wasp Sounds at a charity shop...

...when I got home I put it on to listen to it - it was all wrong - the buzzing noises was nothing like wasp sounds.

Then I realised - I was playing the Bee side!

I once paid a bee to style my hair.

But it only knew how to do a buzz cut.

The greatest swordsman in the world is giving a demonstration of his skill to a crowd.

As he draws his sword, his assistant releases a single housefly. The swordsman watches the fly buzz around, waits for his moment, and strikes! ...And then the fly buzzes away again. As the crowd groans, the swordsman holds up his hand. "Look again, my friends. The fly lives, yes, but he will never b...

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