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Abusive Jokes

My abusive father got drunk to the same song every night. I tried to shut it off before he could get started...

But he beat me to it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 12, I lived with my abusive uncle and auntie

We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields.

My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse.

Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion.

Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit weird l...

Before we started dating, my girlfriend was in an abusive relationship and she'd Never talk about it.

For the entire first year of our relationship, I just thought she hated high fives.

Why dont people from abusive families report the violence?

Because first rule of fight club is not to talk about the fight club

“Mom, why do you stay with my abusive dad?”

Mom: “Beats the hell outta me”

What does an abusive father and a ghost have in common?

Booze

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Abusive Children.

I was walking through the park, when these two kids started verbally abusing me. So I told them off.
Then the mother got involved with a real volley of the worst swear words I have ever heard. So I asked her, are the children twins? She said how the fuck can they be twins? One is 12 the other is ...

Before my abusive father left, he was really enthusiastic about vacuuming

He would always say "Whenever I look at your face I want you to Dyson"

Abusive Flashlight

Did you hear about the abusive flashlight?
He was charged with battery

I've been in an abusive relationship for months now and I can't seem to get out of it. Someone show me what I'm doing wrong.

Everytime I hit her, she keeps coming back.

I hate when people with abusive parents say they can't fight

Like dude, were you even paying attention?

What do you get when your dad is an abusive alcoholic?

Laid.

What’s an abusive dad’s favorite gaming console?

The Switch

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What do horny men have in common with abusive corporals?

They both beat their privates

I never wanted to believe the rumors about my company’s tech department being abusive until I had to have them come fix an issue with my office computer.

And then IT hit me.

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What’s the most verbally abusive mushroom?

Shit-talk-ie!

A concerned friend asks a guy why he just endures his marriage with an abusive spouse.

He just shrugged it off and says, "beats me."

I know a joke about an abusive dwarf and his tall wife. A little offensive.

But a real knee slapper.

What did the sheep say to the abusive shepard?

Stop herding me!

My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive

He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence

Jokes about abusive parents...

...just hit too close to home.

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

My sister Mary has an abusive husband. Their BBQs are awkward...

We watch him eat, drink and beat Mary.

I was in an abusive relationship once.

I got out of it as soon as she called the cops.

Why did my abusive father cross the road?

Beats me

You hear the song about the abusive hospital?

It has a sick beat

My father may have been abusive and a drunk, but there's one good piece of advice he gave me that I wont forget.

When I was younger I asked him how to make a good impression at an interview. I was gonna ask my mum but she wasn't feeling well after she had another "accident" as he put it. He begrudgingly told me to "dress for the job you want, then once you have that job, don't start slacking. It's just as impo...

What do you call a rooster who's abusive to his kids?

An egg beater

After all these years, I finally left my abusive relationship. I feel so relieved!

Now that I don't have to beat my girlfriend anymore, I have so much free time.

How I got out of an abusive marriage

I stopped hitting my wife

A woman is in an abusive relationship.

She's talking to her friend one day. Her friend asks, "Why do you stay with him?" She replies, "Beats me!"

I once had an abusive girlfriend.

Her name was Lorraine. Whenever she didn’t agree with something I said or did, she would strike me all over the body, but punching me in the eye was most common. That left me with black eyes almost constantly. I had enough. I broke up with her after five months of abuse. I can see clearly now, Lorra...

A half man half machine, a princess, an animal like boy and a clown are trying to save their friend from her abusive father who is inside her

Teen titans was a great show

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What do you call a sexually abusive Pokemon?

# MewToo

Any man who has an abusive wife

Any man who has an abusive wife, needs to start practicing marital arts.

I finally found the courage to break up with my violent and abusive sausage boyfriend

So you can imagine my horror when my friend tells me “the wurst is behind you”

I don't know what an abusive relationship means

beats me

A man is verbally abusive to his wife, but

she always keeps her cool.

He asks her "I'm always so abusive to you, how come you're always so calm?"

"I scrub the toilet" his wife replies

"I don't get it?!" He says

"I use your toothbrush"

What did the abusive mallard say to his duck wife?

Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack.

What do you call an abusive pothead?

A weed whacker.

When it comes to physically abusive relationships...

They are hit or miss

My abusive father always tells jokes

His favorite part is the Punch Line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's impossible to describe the trauma of being the child of an abusive mason.

But it's twenty years later and I'm still shitting bricks.

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

An electric confession!

A woman is on trial for beating her abusive husband to death with his guitar collection.


The judge asks her "First offender?"


She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

So we hated congress a few days ago for not giving us $2000 but today we love then after the riot yesterday...

...so abusive relationships do work

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When I was young I spent my summers on my mean Auntie and Uncle's farm.

When I was 10 until I was 13, I spent my summers staying on my Auntie and Uncle's farm. My mom said it was to "build character" but really its because I was out of school and she was a single mother and had to work. Auntie and Uncle were not physically abusive but did tell me I was "trash" and all s...

Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian

"Me and girlfriend..... we’re not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I’ve heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."

"My girlfriend has the great...

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A joke my dad's friend told me when I was way too young

Going off the dome for this one but it's been burned in my head since I was 8; apologies if it's been told before (couldn't find a direct post). Also, this joke, is uh, from a different era? Apologies again.

There was a woman who found herself recently single after her abusive husband suddenl...

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