This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 12, I lived with my abusive uncle and auntie

We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields.

My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse.

Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion.

Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit weird l...

What does an abusive father and a ghost have in common?

Booze

My abusive father got drunk to the same song every night. I tried to shut it off before he could get started...

But he beat me to it.

Abusive Flashlight

Did you hear about the abusive flashlight?
He was charged with battery

Before we started dating, my girlfriend was in an abusive relationship and she'd Never talk about it.

For the entire first year of our relationship, I just thought she hated high fives.

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

Why did my abusive father cross the road?

Beats me

Why dont people from abusive families report the violence?

Because first rule of fight club is not to talk about the fight club

Us celebrating Earth Day is like an abusive spouse getting their wife flowers on Mother's Day

Its all nicey nice right now, but you know she's still getting drilled for something later.

I'm in an abusive relationship with a congressman

He raised taxes.

A concerned friend asks a guy why he just endures his marriage with an abusive spouse.

He just shrugged it off and says, "beats me."

You hear the song about the abusive hospital?

It has a sick beat

I know a joke about an abusive dwarf and his tall wife. A little offensive.

But a real knee slapper.

My sister Mary has an abusive husband. Their BBQs are awkward...

We watch him eat, drink and beat Mary.

What did the sheep say to the abusive shepard?

Stop herding me!

I hate when people with abusive parents say they can't fight

Like dude, were you even paying attention?

My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive

He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence

What do you call a rooster who's abusive to his kids?

An egg beater

What do you get when your dad is an abusive alcoholic?

Laid.

What’s an abusive dad’s favorite gaming console?

The Switch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sexually abusive Pokemon?

# MewToo

Was holding a crab when it started pinching me

My mom told me to let it go. I replied “no, this is the least abusive relationship I’ve ever been in.”

After all these years, I finally left my abusive relationship. I feel so relieved!

Now that I don't have to beat my girlfriend anymore, I have so much free time.

I've been in an abusive relationship for months now and I can't seem to get out of it. Someone show me what I'm doing wrong.

Everytime I hit her, she keeps coming back.

A half man half machine, a princess, an animal like boy and a clown are trying to save their friend from her abusive father who is inside her

Teen titans was a great show

I don't know what an abusive relationship means

beats me

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

So we hated congress a few days ago for not giving us $2000 but today we love then after the riot yesterday...

...so abusive relationships do work

How I got out of an abusive marriage

I stopped hitting my wife

I finally found the courage to break up with my violent and abusive sausage boyfriend

So you can imagine my horror when my friend tells me “the wurst is behind you”

Jokes about abusive parents...

...just hit too close to home.

What do you call an abusive pothead?

A weed whacker.

Why did the abusive dad’s child cry?

Beats me.

I was in an abusive relationship once.

I got out of it as soon as she called the cops.

A woman is in an abusive relationship.

She's talking to her friend one day. Her friend asks, "Why do you stay with him?" She replies, "Beats me!"

A man is verbally abusive to his wife, but

she always keeps her cool.

He asks her "I'm always so abusive to you, how come you're always so calm?"

"I scrub the toilet" his wife replies

"I don't get it?!" He says

"I use your toothbrush"

I just left an abusive relationship...

Even though I beat her she still kept making mistakes!

What did the abusive mallard say to his duck wife?

Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack.

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It's impossible to describe the trauma of being the child of an abusive mason.

But it's twenty years later and I'm still shitting bricks.

When it comes to physically abusive relationships...

They are hit or miss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emotionally Abusive Husband

A woman turned to her husband one day and said: 'You're such a mean bastard! All you do is push me around and talk behind my back!!'

To which he retorted: 'Well of course I do! You're in a bloody wheelchair!!'

Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat...

... and then blame it on the boyfriend


Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik

The abusive relationship that I'm in is such a joke

I spend everyday waiting for the punchline.

My abusive father always tells jokes

His favorite part is the Punch Line.

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