I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on her face was priceless.

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Caribbean hens are so rude

Damn jerk chickens

What do you call a rude and isolated bacteria?

Uncultured.

I used to view smokers as rude due to the harmful effects of secondhand smoke.

Now that assisted-suicide is legal, I view them as polite.

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An elderly woman told me "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar.", Because I was being a little too rude...

I told her "You get more flies with shit than with honey, so go fuck yourself."

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Rude people are like dicks

They pop up for no reason, and they all need a good pounding.

My doctor is very rude.

I went in with some legitimate concerns about my prostate and he just gave me the finger!

I saw some of my best friends die in the war: I became rude to my family, cut off my friends, and isolated myself from everyone

And now my mom says I’m never allowed to play black ops again

Ed Smith was a famous but rude ore trader in the area.

ED SMITH'S SHOP.

It was one of the biggest landmarks in the town. You could just look at that big metal sign and see how proud the man was of his trade.

No matter how good a businessman he was, Ed's arrogant behavior was loathed by pretty much everyone. He was too proud of his riches, ...

She told me I was being rude for kink-shaming her...

All I said was, "Karen, stop yelling at the customer service rep."

I don't mean to be rude, but the SuperBowl was boring.

No offense.

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What do you call a rude black hole?

A masshole.

My sisters so rude...

Yesterday I was just minding my own business and she asks me
"Hey can you tell me what a lake in a desert is?"

Startled, I ignored her question and quickly said
"Oh hey sis!"

And then she just said thanks and left. I can't believe some girls.

What's with all of the rude Stephen Hawking jokes??

The man can't even stand up for himself..

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What do you call a rude German?

A Deutsche-bag!

I bet you did Nazi that coming :)

The dude working at the morgue is really rude.

I needed a helping hand but he just gave me the cold shoulder.

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I've been seeing my neighbour for the past few months, right up till she started to be extremely rude.

I mean who the fuck closes their blinds when they sleep.

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Rude joke

Two neighbourhood women are talking away across the fence. Natter natter, blah, blah. All day. About 5pm one of them hears her husband's car arrive home. She freaks and runs into the house to make his dinner. Looks around and grabs the first thing she sees; a can of dog food. Chucks it in the micro-...

A girl in work was a bit rude earlier, she said I look like I'd be boring in bed.

So I told her she should ask her sister ;).

"Haha, I haven't got a sister" she proclaims.

"I know" I said, "you will in 9 months".

Why are teachers so rude during summer vacation?

Because they have no class

How many unnecessarily rude people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

NO, SCREW YOU!!

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What do you call an extremely rude potato?

A dick tater.

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Happiness is someone laughing at a rude word.

"Ha Penis"

Why are single German women so rude?

Cuz they don't have any Männer

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I never tip the cute pizza delivery drivers and always complain that they're rude, even when they're nice...

That way, I know I'm fucking them.

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People nowadays are so rude

Last time I got on a plane everybody went batshit crazy for no reason, screaming and running around the place.

I mean, I was just saying "Hi" to my friend Jack.

Just last week I saw a friend of mine and his wife at the local restaurant. He is 47 and his wife is 19. Other diners were making rude comments about them, giving them dirty looks.

It totally ruined their 7th wedding anniversary dinner.

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There was a very rude parrot who stood at a barber's door. Every time Jane went by he'd say "Yo, bitch!"

Tired of this, Jane went to the barber and complained. As a punishment, the barber painted the parrot completely in black.

Two days after, Jane went again by the barber's door and the parrot didn't say anything. On the next day she went by twice and again, the parrot didn't say anything.
<...

People are so rude when they suffer from kidney failure

It's like they have no filter

So damn rude.

Three triplets in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.

The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."

The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."

The third one says, "I wanna be a boxe...

The Rude Parrot

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing...

I've heard it's rude to interrupt someone when they're talking, so...

I haven't spoken to my wife in 20 years!

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The rude professor.

A biology professor in Italy was giving an anatomy class. "The largest penis was discovered in an archeological finding in rome". Two or three offended female students get up to leave. The professor says "hey girls" The female students turn around in a egotistical manner expecting an apology. The p...

What does a rude Frenchman and a ruthless Englishman have in common?

No Merci.

It’s so rude to insult someone in Braille.

Just think about how it makes them feel.

What do you call a rude convict going downstairs?

A condescending con descending.

My dad’s sister, Artica, has been very rude to everyone ever since her husband left her

It’s gotten to the point we’re we’ve had to preface every meeting with:

“Careful, Aunt Artica is very cold”

Someone made a rude comment towards me for breast feeding in public recently.

But what am I supposed to do? A mans got to eat.

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That's actually rude..

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said: "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother: "Don't eat it. I...

What do you call rude bus drivers?

Bustards

Why was the high school dropout always so rude to people?

Because he didn’t have any class.

Why are dwarfs so rude?

Because they weren't raised well as a child.

Is it rude to go up to someone with an eyepatch and say

"Was it all fun and games up until that point?"

I have a Taiwanese friend who is is incredibly rude and bossy

He has a strong Taipei personality

What job are rude epileptics well suited for?

Salt shakers.

I met a rude Australian once

I asked him if he knew of a furniture store nearby. He said "Does it look like ikea?"

Why do I find broken clocks rude?

Because they won't give me the time of day.

A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground

She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.

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Rude parrot on an airliner

A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man".

"Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minut...

The next time you meet someone who says they're a civil engineer,

Tell them, "That's wonderful! Engineers are usually so rude!"

[sorry, not useful unless you meet a lot of civil engineers]

I called the abuse hotline and they were so rude to me

They said they only help victims

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

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A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment...

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French...

Why was the Trebuchet so rude?

It was an offensive siege weapon!

Trees are really rude

They're always throwing shade!

Rude grandma

I was buying fruits at the supermarket whilst waiting for change I saw an elderly woman with a small child. The child was walking a bit faster than the woman and the woman shouted, "Degree! Wait for me!" I was so amazed hearing that name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and...

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A Lesson For All Employees Who Work With Rude Customers.

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being customer focused, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from serv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This rude guy asked my wife if she shaves her asshole.....

And she said

"No, my husband shaves himself".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] So a man walks into a pet store, searching for a companion.

The man sees this brightly colored parrot on display, but there's a problem, the store owner tells the man. You see, this parrot's last owner was a foul-mouth, and the bird's vocabulary is crude, to say the least.

But the man is lonely, and his life is boring. The parrot might spice things ...

What's the difference between a clever child and a rude marathoner?

One's a cunning runt...

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Rude awakening

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this problem doctor. Every time we're in bed my husband climaxes, he let's out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.". "The problem," she complains, " is that it wakes...

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