Jokes about feminine hygiene are completely inappropriate…

Period

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One of my posts got taken down for being“inappropriate/political” because I used the word liberal

How is it political to say “I’m liberal with the amount of kids I fit in my basement”

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My wife caught me pissing in the kitchen sink, and got really mad at me. "You fucking prick, that's so inappropriate!" she screamed. "Well, so is washing the baby in there, but I don't angry at you about that!" I shouted back.

I think she realised she'd lost the argument, because she didn't even reply.

She just lifted the baby out of the sink and went upstairs...

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Bad dream. Kinda inappropriate

So after a long weekend of partying on a beach in Florida, these three men all have to book a hotel room. They had to book it last minute and got a hotel room with a single queen size bed. The middle man was a tall blonde male. He slept in the middle of the bed because he was the tallest. So when th...

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What do you call a cup of inappropriate coffee?

an ejaculatte

I thought getting an erection during a prostate exam was inappropriate, but my Doctor told me it happens all the time, just ignore it.

I tried to but he kept rubbing it against my hip.

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So someone has anonymously complained that I've given inappropriate nicknames to my female co-workers

I'm not sure who it is but I've strong suspicion it might be Bitchface Bigtits....

What is your most inappropriate, sickest comment on Jeffrey Epstein?

*He died just the way he liked his girls, gagging.*

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An inappropriate joke my child made-up:

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
Fuck you!

Little sister (too excited)
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fuck you!

*We’re just terrible parents...

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What do you call an inappropriate robot?

A wire stripper

My wife says she’s going to divorce me because I always get erections at inappropriate times

It won’t stand up in court

Thin Mints are very inappropriately named.

No matter how many I eat, I never get thin.

Did you hear the cat's inappropriate joke?

[remewved]

It is inappropriate to call people "monkeys"

The politically correct term is "orangutan".

Covid19 inappropriate playlist thread. Honestly, I'm surprised it not been done yet. I'll start....

REM It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

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My dad does this really inappropriate joke where he closes his eyes whenever a Stevie Wonder song comes on.

Fucking nightmare when his songs are on the car radio.

Is it inappropriate to post jokes about the hearing impaired?

Deafinitely

I made an inappropriate joke about water.

It was clearly tasteless.

Inappropriate times for the Kool-Aid Man to bust through the wall.

“I’m so glad you brought me here Jack, I’ve never seen the engine room of an Ocean Liner before.”

“Oh, no?”

**”Oh, Yeah!”**

This woman keeps going to HR to try to get me fired for giving her "inappropriate" massages. Good luck with that.

I don't even work here.

I had a Yoga teacher when I was younger and he was always drunk and touched me inappropriately,

He put me in an awkward position.

My grade school teacher would often touch me in inappropriate places.

Places like the kitchen and the living room. I hated being homeschooled

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Voodoo d***. (INAPPROPRIATE)

A man and a woman get married, and they have the best sex. Better than most people would think, and their sexual compatibility is a large part of their relationship. One day, the husband finds out that he needs to go on a business trip that will last a couple of months. He decides that in order to k...

What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job?

You had one job.

Just got back from the doctor... he said I can touch myself inappropriately whenever I want to!

Wife: Grabs report "This says you could have a stroke at any time"

I saw all the people complaining about inappropriate YouTube ads, and at first I thought they were kidding. Then I saw a Trojan condoms ad.

I thought they were horsing around.

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A science teacher asks her class of sixth graders, “students, what is a part of the body that when stimulated can grow ten times its size?”

Tattletale Susan gets angry in the back and yells, “teacher, that’s a dirty question! You can’t be asking questions like that! I’m gonna have my parents tell the principal and we’re gonna get you fired!”

The teacher ignores her and repeats the question, “alright class, what is a part of the b...

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that...

Inappropriate.

My girlfriend said “I believe in you” and it made me happy.

But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.

What do you call someone who touches cereal inappropriately?

A chex offender

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High School on Valentine's Day

A high school thought it might be a fun activity to let the teenagers cut out paper hearts, put the name or wish of their valentine on the card anonymously, and hang them on a chainlink fence at the entrance of the school. Of course someone had to take them all off afterwards. So the day following V...

My boss touched me inappropriately at work today

But it's okay, i'm self-employed

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I have a habit of reading when I am travelling via train.

This one journey I was reading *Mein Kampf*.

Suddenly this one lady in the cabin caught sight of the title and immediately started a ruckus. She snapped at how inappropriate it is for someone in the modern age to read that regressive book. She even went on to call me a Nazi and continued rebu...

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Hospital humour

A doctor was doing his rounds on the ward and came across a male patient masturbating. He said to the Nurse in charge, surely you shouldn’t be allowing this to happen on the ward, it’s most inappropriate. The nurse replied, he has HSC (high sperm count), he has to do this daily to bring the count do...

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

Today I told my parents that my boss touches me inappropriately so often.

They didn't understand and said something like I'm self-employed.

The inventor of inappropriate innuendo jokes died suddenly yesterday.

His wife is taking it really hard.

I accidentally sent inappropriate photos to everyone in my address book

Not only is it embarrassing, it's cost me a fortune in stamps.

My daughter was trying to convince me that the dress she was going out in wasn’t inappropriate,

but I saw right through it.

Turned the tables on my 8-year-old son.

Son: “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”

Me: “I don’t know; how many?”

Son: “Ten tickles.”

Me: “Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.”

Son: “Huh?”

Me: “Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tel...

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Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

As they turn the corner, they come across a circus in the field over the road that has closed up for the night. One of the main attractions, a huge 12 foot tall bull elephant with a 6 foot long penis could clearly be seen quietly ea...

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Do I Know You?

An older couple from Detroit are driving through Florida one afternoon when they are pulled over by a state police vehicle for speeding.

The patrolman approaches the car, and asks to see the man's license and registration. His wife, who is hard of hearing, yells out "WHAT DID HE SAY??!" The ...

It’s inappropriate to make dad jokes if you’re not a father....

It’s a faux-pa

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Happy Oldman

A journalist asked an old man "tell us a happy story from your life as you lived a long life"

The man said ok: back then when we were living in the village and my neighbor's cow got lost, all the village went searching, we spent a whole day searching, and when we found it we all fucked it....

A wife tells her husband

Wife: "Babe our neighbour died"

husband: "who ray?"

Wife: "Honey it's inappropriate to cheer for something like this"

Inappropriate Joke

"If you kill everyone, it's genocide. If you don't, it's bad press."

My granddad always used to say "there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing".

I say "used to', he got hit by lightening.

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Apparently it's inappropriate for a group of white kids to put on a play of Aladdin, as it is racially insensitive and cultural appropriation. Possibly white washing.

I wonder if we'll see more Jews in Nativity Pageants come Christmas season this year.

Where is it inappropriate to have a Back to School sale?

A gun store.

My father, who was on his death bed, told me that I make jokes out of the most inappropriate things.

Let's just say he didn't live long after that.

I always seem to be telling jokes at the most inappropriate moments.

For years I've been attempting to suppress my gag reflex.

A piece of rope walks into a bar.

After very inappropriate behaviour, the bartender asks the rope to leave.

The rope leaves and gives itself a makeover by unravelling himself at the top and tying himself into a knot.

It returns the next day and the bartender asks “Aren’t you the same guy yesterday?”

It says: “I’...

Decided to eat some chips yesterday

Apparently that's "super weird" and "completely inappropriate at a poker game"

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The Queen of England was touring an American hospital.

During her tour, accompanied by doctors, nurses, and hospital board members, she passed a room with a man furiously masturbating.

"OH MY! HOW INAPPROPRIATE!" she exclaims

"Your majesty, he suffers from a medical condition where he generates so much sperm his testicles will explode if t...

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I got fired from my job at a carpet shop

Apparently asking customers "fancy a shag?" is inappropriate ?

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Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day, and I found a bunch of inappropriate magazines."

"What did you do?" the second nun asked.

"I threw them in the trash, of course."

"Well," said the second nun, "I was in the Father's room putting away laundry and found a bunch of condoms."

"What did you do?" the first nun asked.

"I poked holes in them."

"Oh, crap,...

A patient walked in to an office to find their doctor taking inappropriate photos...

"What are you doing, doctor?" The patient asked.



"It's alright, they're just medic pics."

A Texan woman walks into an animal clinic...

...and says to the receptionist, a young woman named Yvette, that she’d like to see how her cat Urias is doing.

The young woman is visibly confused, and says, in a noticeable accent, that she absolutely cannot. The older woman is also confused, and asks “This is the Stonybrook Animal Clinic, ...

When asked about the inappropriate behavior by his priests the pope said

“it’s an age old problem.”

What does the inappropriate strip club patron say when he finally admits he has a problem?

I come here too often

My wife left me because I kept touching pasta inappropriately...

Now I'm feeling cannelloni

Mischievous twins

In a town somewhere there lived 2 very problematic 12 year old twin boys. If there was trouble in town, they were sure to be involved. It gotten to the point where every time some stranger came to their house it was to complain about something they did.

Naturally their mother had it with thei...

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A man sees a nun hitchhiking

He stops to pick her up, and she gives him the address she's going to.

Halfway there, the man starts to feel a little desperate, and says 'Sister, I know this is inappropriate, but I'm dying and I've never had sex. Do you think we could do it?'

The nun thinks for a moment, and asks 'ar...

The World’s Greatest Gambler

A man begins to deposit a ridiculous amount of money into his bank. Out of nowhere. Someone takes notice, and after a long and complicated series of accusations and charges the man winds up going to court. He shows up with his defense attorney.

The judge asks him bluntly “Sir, how did you com...

A teacher was trying to teach his students good manners.

He asked Michael:

If you took a girl on a date to a restaurant, how would you say that you have to go to the bathroom?

Wait a minute, I gotta pee, Michael replied.

That would be very rude and inappropriate. How would you ask, Chris?

I'm sorry, but I have to really go to ...

I Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clea...

So, John received a parrot, as a gift.

Now this parrot was the rudest, noisiest, most foul mouthed parrot you can imagine. Every other word out of this parrot's beak was profanity, and strings of filthy insults - absolutely appalling behaviour!

Well, over the course of the next week, John tried speaking to it softy and calmly, pl...

Everyone's talking about how inappropriate Louis CK's behavior has been...

...personally, I think he handled himself quite well.

People who say me breastfeeding in public is 'inappropriate'

...should grow up. It strengths the relationship between me and my dog.

My boss touched me inappropriately at work today.

It's quite rewarding working from home I tell ya

My inappropriate uncle told me this one when I was 11: Where do cousins come from?

ant holes

Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12...

....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu

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Mr. Rogers the biology teacher called on Mary

"Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions expands upto 6 times it's normal size?"

Mary gasped and said in a huff, " Mr. Rogers! That is a very inappropriate question. The principal will be hearing of this. " She sat down red faced.

"Susan, can you tell me t...

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"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking"

"Our aircraft has reached its designated altitude, you may now unfasten your seatbelts. Our flight attendants will be serving drinks in five minutes. The expected flight duration is four hours and ten minutes, our current speed is AAAAH, OH FUCK, NONONONONO, HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD!!!"

The inter...

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My penis was in the Guiness Book of World Records up until...

I got kicked out of the library for being inappropriate...

A nail company name Nail Bay hired a publicity agency for a new video ad...

After 2 weeks they asked for a meeting to show the new video.

The video started with an aerial take from the desert and kept zooming into a tiny black spot, which as the zooms keep going is a cross with Jesus nailed on it.

Right after this , the screen goes black and the company logo i...

So a Catholic walks into a bar.... during Lent[Long] [Cultural context wise kinda inappropriate given the season]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; wouldn’t you ra...

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So when a girl tells her friend she has a great ass in that jeans it's okay,

But when I tell my buddy the same thing I am 'being inappropriate' and I 'should really close the coffin now'. The world we live in

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Pop your finger in and see if she's done

Okay so there's this guy, let's call him Brad. He's cooking with his wife's Uncle on thanksgiving, let's call him Lenny. Lenny pulls a Pumpkin Pie out of the oven and is like "Hmm... I dunno, I've never been too good with these things, can neeeever tell if it's fully cooked."

So Brad's like "...

Stranger: hello

Me: hello

Stranger: mind if I come over?

Me: that's a little inappropriate.

Stranger: hold on, some guy in the stall next to me won't shut up.

The French version of Jaws finishes with the word FIN.

It's really inappropriate

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises.

When do we want them?

#NNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWW^WWwww

I told my girlfriend that sometimes she makes me feel like a kid again.

She asked why and I said

Because you touch me inappropriately when I'm pretending to be asleep.

How many Priests does It take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.... one to screw it in, the other to inappropriately molest a underaged child.

I was asked who my favourite X-men was the other day...

Apparently Caitlyn Jenner was inappropriate.

What do my date last night and this question have in common.

They were both ended inappropriately by a period.

I used to date an English teacher

But she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.

A police officer and a hot blonde

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for spee...

Did you hear the one about Xi Jinping?

This joke has been flagged for violations of our *new* content policy, specifically our policy against inappropriate speech.

In medical school, you really do learn something new every day...

...for instance, today I learned that it's inappropriate to refer to infertile people as "seedless".

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A collection of lightbulb jokes

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just Juan

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two. One to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just two but who knows how the...

Whoever wins the Mega Millions Jackpot....

… touched me inappropriately 30 years ago.

I'm going to be a DJ at a retirement home this weekend.

With an average age of 81 years old, will the song "Last Christmas" be inappropriate?

The signs always say, “Break glass in case of emergency,” but when I had an emergency and broke the glass, my neighbor yelled at me.

Apparently, it was “highly inappropriate” to throw my drink to the floor, and I “could’ve just asked where the bathroom is.”

2 Monocles walk into a bar

The new bartender can tell that they are already well on their way to intoxication but obliges them anyway when they order 2 shots.

As the night goes on they continue to get drunker and drunker and their behaviour becomes obnoxious. From loud arguments to inappropriate comments to women and e...

A man and his clothing store

A long time ago there was a man who sold secondhand women's clothing at a small shop on the main road of a small town.
Now, this man, Theodore, had one joy in life: Arranging the mannequins in a way that made each garment look it's best, and placing them in the front window.
As he had gotten ...

I have been banned from attending the local nudist beach.

Apparently I was inappropriately dressed.

I hate discussing things with Jay walkers

they always try to cross subjects at inappropriate times.

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I wanted to borrow a copy of Oedipus Rex, but the library told me the city had banned it.

"Banned it?" I asked.

The librarian nodded. "Yes, for inappropriate content."

I blurted out "Motherfucker!".

She calmly replied "That's exactly why.".

The interview

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?

Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

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A retail store manager calls one of his male employees into his office.

The employee walks in with soaking wet hands.

“I’m sorry sir, but we’re going to have to let you go,” says the manager.

“Seriously?! Why is that?,” the man replies

“Well you use the women’s restroom at least 15 times a day, and many employees and customers have complained abou...

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