Having trouble understanding improper fractions?

Our helpline is open 24/7.

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what gets longer when pulled, fits between brests, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

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I fucking hate improper lubrication.

It really grinds my gears.

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During an inquiry, a priest was asked if he had had improper sexual relations.

He said that he had nun.

"Did you hear about poor Ahmed? He lost his hand due to improper use of an egg slicer."

"No really, how could this happen?"

"He stole it."

Was denied entry to a fancy club for improper attire.

Bouncer is all like you need a jacket and tie to get in here bud. I know I've got a jacket in the car but no tie.Putting on the jacket I notice my nice new pair of jumper cables so I think ah what the hell and tie them around my neck.Go back up to the doors ask if I can go in now? Bouncer looks me u...

I used to date an English teacher.

She dumped me however...

She didn’t like my improper use of the colon.

I hate it when people use the word "subdermal" improperly...

Really gets under my skin.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

I'm starting a new diet where I improperly use my jaw muscles to eat whatever I want

It's called CrossFat

What's the difference between a proper punchline and an improper one?

Hotdogs

To all those who work with machinery please remember!

Any machine can be a smoke machine if used improperly enough!

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane..

Cop: "Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger."

Driver: "well I'm just beside myself."

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

A boy was eating dinner with his parents, after having learned fractions at school.

Wanting to show off, he tried to apply some of what he learned:


Dad: Alright son, how do you want a full burger for dinner?


Son: Can i just half one half please?


Dad: Sure thing!


Mom: Do you want some juice?


Son (with a grin): Can i g...

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Proper etiquette is important.

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for high-schoolers, the teacher said to her students:

“If you were courting a well-educated young girl from a prominent family, and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the restroom, what would you say to her?”

Mike raised his...

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Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable pro...

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The mods removed the previous joke that summited about my penis.

It was improperly tagged as long.

My math teacher hates mixed fractions

I'm guessing that's why what she teaches is improper.

A man was consulting his psychiatrist.

Among other questions, the doctor asked.

"Are you troubled by improper thoughts?"

"Why no!" answered the patient.

"To tell the truth doctor, I rather enjoy them!"

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Why can’t an 8 get on top of a 7 during sex?

Because that would be improper.

Women are like numbers ...

* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.

* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.

* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.

* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.

* Every other one i...

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Having sex is like you're doing fractions

it is improper for the larger one to be on top

An IT consultant is fixing KFC's website.

While editing the code, he noticed a line that simply said, "KFC RULES" with improper syntax, which caused the site to crash. When he asked who wrote the code, he was told that Harland Sanders, the founder of KFC, was the one responsible.

The IT guy responded, "That's what I call a Colonel Er...

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