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Abused Jokes

For an experiment, my son as been wearing a different Manchester United top for two weeks. So far he's been spat at, verbally abused, and punched...

God knows what will happen to him when he leaves the house.

I once abused someone with a dictionary...

The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault

How do you subtly hint that you are being abused?

Beats me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking through the local park when I was verbally abused by two unruly kids.

Then the mother got involved with a real volley of the worst swear words I have ever heard. So I asked her, are the children twins? She said how the can they be twins? One is 12 the other is 8 you stupid . I replied, I couldn't imagine anyone you twice..

Journalist to Abused Wife

Journalist : Do you know what your husband does in his free time ?

Wife : *shrugs* beats me.

In a shelter for abused women.

My husband used to beat me on regular basis. Sometimes, he would get his drinking mates and they would stand one after another to beat me. But one day I said to myself: get a grip woman, enough is enough. So when my husband and his mates collapsed drunk, I run away to this shelter. After 6 mon...

So my dad always abused me as a kid...

..but I knew it wasnt his fault. I wasnt gonna abuse him back, I was gonna abuse what made him do that to me.

So thats how I became a raging alcoholic.

What did the rogue snowflake say to the abused raindrop who was unaware of his powers?

Yer a blizzard Harry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a abused robot?

R2-metoo

I was going to make a joke about how i was abused..

But my father beat me to it.

Steven Tyler opens home for girls about to be abused.

Calling it early.

My brother broke down crying and told me about how he was abused by a priest when we were kids.

It was a very touching story.

When I was an infant I had a nanny that abused me

And im still pretty shaken up about it

Did you hear about the contractor who abused the offer for a free kitchen counter top?

He took it for granite.

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

To any redditors who abuse, or have abused drugs...

violence is not the answer.

I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women

It's real thick to hide the bruises

Everything is relative

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money
to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same
church, and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could
he see right through the brothers...
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