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Abused Jokes

For an experiment, my son as been wearing a different Manchester United top for two weeks. So far he's been spat at, verbally abused, and punched...

God knows what will happen to him when he leaves the house.

I once abused someone with a dictionary...

The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault

How do you subtly hint that you are being abused?

Beats me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking through the local park when I was verbally abused by two unruly kids.

Then the mother got involved with a real volley of the worst swear words I have ever heard. So I asked her, are the children twins? She said how the fuck can they be twins? One is 12 the other is 8 you stupid fucking Prick. I replied, I couldn't imagine anyone fucking you twice..

A thrice divorced woman is giving love another try ...

Her first love abused her with his fists. The second one ran away. The third one completely failed in bed. But she still feels lonely and doesn't want to stop believing in love, so she posted an ad on a newspaper with her story that she was still available. A few days later, she heard the doorbell r...

Journalist to Abused Wife

Journalist : Do you know what your husband does in his free time ?

Wife : *shrugs* beats me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a lonely, used, abused, beaten down woman places a personal ad in the newspaper...

She writes that she desires a man who won't use her for her money, beat her to a bloody pulp and won't walk out on her leaving her an emotional wreck of shambles. She also states that this man ought to satisfy her sexually and fuck her like no other man has.

Well days go by and no one respond...

In a shelter for abused women.

My husband used to beat me on regular basis. Sometimes, he would get his drinking mates and they would stand one after another to beat me. But one day I said to myself: get a grip woman, enough is enough. So when my husband and his mates collapsed drunk, I run away to this shelter. After 6 mon...

So my dad always abused me as a kid...

..but I knew it wasnt his fault. I wasnt gonna abuse him back, I was gonna abuse what made him do that to me.

So thats how I became a raging alcoholic.

What did the rogue snowflake say to the abused raindrop who was unaware of his powers?

Yer a blizzard Harry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sexually abused robot?

R2-metoo

I was going to make a joke about how i was abused..

But my father beat me to it.

Steven Tyler opens home for girls about to be abused.

Calling it early.

My brother broke down crying and told me about how he was abused by a priest when we were kids.

It was a very touching story.

When I was an infant I had a nanny that abused me

And im still pretty shaken up about it

Did you hear about the contractor who abused the offer for a free kitchen counter top?

He took it for granite.

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

To any redditors who abuse, or have abused drugs...

violence is not the answer.

I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women

It's real thick to hide the bruises

Everything is relative

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money
to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same
church, and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could
he see right through the brothers...

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