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Indecent Jokes

(NSFW) Indecent Proposal

After years of begging my wife to let me have a threesome, she finally agreed. When she asked who I had in mind, I told her these two girls I work with.

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I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said..

"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."

Gary, you filthy bastard.

I got arrested for indecent exposure.

They let me off with a lack of evidence.

An indecent proposal

A man spots a woman at the bar, goes over to her and asks

"Ma'am? Would you sleep with me for a million?"

She looks at him and eventually, she nods.

"How about 5 bucks?"

"What?", she exclaims, "Now what kind of woman do you think I am?"

"Ma'am, I think we have sett...

Why did the photo go to jail?

Indecent exposure

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The Naked Cowboy

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?“
The Cowboy says,...

The other day I got pulled over, and when the cop walked up I pulled out my 9mm

Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night

Aftwerwards I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me naked...

...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure.

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woma...

Dr. Samuel Johnson, author of the first great dictionary of English language, was visited by a delegation of respectable ladies of London.

“Dr Johnson,” they said, “we congratulate you for omitting all indecent or obscene words from your dictionary.”

“Ladies,” said Dr. Johnson, “I congratulate you for looking them up.”

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A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

I was arrested at the bank for indecent exposure

It wasn't my fault though. I was having trouble swiping my card through the machine and the teller said, "strip down facing me"

Three frogs are arrested for indecent exposure.

So three frogs are arrested and taken to court for indecent exposure. The judge orders the first frog to approach. He asks the frog's name to which the first frog responds "My name is Frog." "Well frog, what do you have to say about these charges brought against you?" "I was in the swamp, blowing bu...

Can I press indecent exposure charges against stars?

Because today the sun mooned me.

I wrote a joke about indecent exposure.

You probably won't want to see it though.

The Boston debate team got arrested yesterday for indecent exposure...

They were all caught mass-debating with each other.

I got arrested for indecent exposure.

They've sent me to the Small Claims Court.

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for indecent exposure at the aquarium?

The sicko likes to cuttlefish.

Police hunting a man for indecent assault.

Applications close next week.

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Naked Cowboy

A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St. The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt. The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.

...

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

"It was a misunderstanding, your honor" says a man who is in court for indecent exposure.

"Explain the statement," the judge demanded. "Well you see this girl and I were drinking at the bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman --- so I showed her"

- Got this one from my uncle, never heard it before

It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them...

Cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever.

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I got arrested for indecent exposure after my neighbour claimed he could see my penis.

Maybe he should get a smaller postbox?

Learning photography is hard.

Last week I got kicked out of a photography workshop for indecent exposure.

Why did the cameraman using a fast shutter speed get arrested?

He got done for indecent exposure.

A man took a dark photograph and was arrested

He was charged with indecent exposure

A Scotsman was fined...

A Scotsman was fined for indecent conduct at Edinburg on Friday. Witnesses said that the man continually wiped the sweat off his forehead with his kilt.

Husband is reading Indecent Proposal review during breakfast and asks his wife: *honey would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?*

Wife: *where am I going to get that kind of money*

Here's an oldie but goodie that hopefully hasn't been re-posted a thousand times:

A man is making love to his boss's wife and she passionately whispers in his ear, "Kiss me!"

He says, "Are you out of your mind? I shouldn't even be doing THIS!'


I read that in Bob Newhart's autobiography years ago and it has always stuck out as one of those weird jokes that halfwa...

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

The sign said “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”

It never said anything about pants, so I don’t understand why I got arrested for “indecent exposure”?

My car broke down...

My car broke down, so I decided to jack it.

I was arrested for indecent exposure.

Yo mama's so ugly

She took off her facemask during quarantine and was arrested for indecent exposure

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a crappy day. I got stopped and the police officer wrote me a ticket for not having hubcaps on my car," he tells the bartender. "What? That's not illegal" the bartender says. "That's what I thought, too. But he wrote me a ticket for indecent exposure,"...

A man goes to an open mic at the local jazz club

He gets on stage and starts scatting.

He's promptly arrested for indecent exposure.

Donald Duck can walk around Disney pantless and everyone loves him

but when I do it, it’s “indecent”?

You Might Be An Accountant If

you deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses".

you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store.

while watching the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.

getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.

your idea of trashing your hot...

Today I kicked a breastfeeding mom out of my restaurant

Not because other customers thought she was indecent, but because we have a no outside food or drinks policy

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Hotdog sucks

Al and Bob, two drunkards with no money came up with an idea to get drunk. Al says “Let’s go to the bar and order couple shots and as soon as we get our shots we slam them. I’ll unzip my pants and hold this hotdog, then you jump on your knees and start sucking on it. When the bartender sees us he’ll...

Forgive me for this...

One hot summer day, a cop gets a call about an indecent exposure. He rushes over to the address and is directed to the house next door where he sees an old woman, eating watermelon, dress hitched up to her waist, and no underwear on.

He walks up the driveway towards this woman about to arrest...

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I went fishing recently and caught a 20lb sea bass. I tried to mount it

But I was arrested for indecent exposure.

It's important to show a woman how you feel about her

The police called it 'indecent exposure' but whatever...

I was pulled over by the police today, so I whipped out my nine millimetre...

After they stopped laughing, they arrested me for indecent exposure.

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Three nuns

Three nuns, of the Immaculate conception nunnery were called in the office of the Chief Priest.

Priest said to them : I heard some rumors about your indecent behaviour with some men. But God is merciful and will forgive you if you come clean. He then asks the first nun to confess. «Father I ...

A beautiful lady once asked me what I like in a woman.

I got six months for indecent exposure.

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The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos

They charged him with "indecent exposure"

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A man was getting a tan on a nudist beach when a young girl walks towards him...

Because he found it indecent to be fully nude in front of the little girl, he covered his groin with his hat.
"What's underneath that hat?" the girl asked. "Nothing special, just a little birdy" the man replied.

The girl insisted on seeing the birdy, and the man told her no, so she walk...

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A drunk Scotsman stumbles out of a pub on a windy Saturday night...

...halfway home he passes out on the street, and a gust blows his kilt up, exposing his privates.

Next morning a flock of little old ladies are on their way to church. They see him in all his indecent glory and are aghast. The bravest one pulls a length of blue ribbon from her purse, tent...

A man dies, and goes to heaven

When he arrives, God and his family come to greet him.

'Jerry' God says, 'you have been good all your life, but there is one sin you have committed - you have killed a deer, and had it stuffed. But before you did that, you and your family had the nerve to do indecent things to it before it's ...

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An elderly couple went for a ride.

A an elderly couple went out of town to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. They rented a car and drove out of state.

After six hours of long driving, they both got frisky. The wife groped her man's crotch and started giving him a blowjob. The man was so happy since he only receives blo...

In the Mormon Church there is a family that has recently been baptized.

After a month of being new members the Bishop calls them in separately to see how they are doing. During an interview with the father, the bishop asks,
“Will you give a talk next Sunday in Church?”
The new convert replies, “Sure, but what would you like me to give my talk on?”
“On anything ...

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