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Zone Jokes

In Europe, they don't call it the "Friend Zone"

They call it the "Pal Region"

Why cant Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone...

Because he's dead

I don't understand time zones!

How is it possible that in Europe it is today.
In Australia it is tomorrow.
And in Alabama it is 1890?

Putin decreed that all time zones in Russia be unified.

After this had occurred, the Prime Minister approached him.

*"Dearest Putin, I had a problem. I called my relatives in the east to wish them good night, and they told me they were on the beach enjoying the sun."*

*"And then I called my family in Kaliningrad to wish them a happy holiday...

I’m already going 75 mph in a 35 zone, stop tailgating me!

Also the blinking lights on top of your car looks stupid

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
<...

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

Police pulls over a car driving 15 mph in a 70 mph speed zone

It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.

She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"

Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"

Then he notices 3 other older ladies ...

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

Chuck Norris parks his car in a no parking zone to buy some groceries. When he returns to his car, he sees a cop standing there. „Is that your car?“, he asks.

„Yes, what‘s the problem?“, asks Chuck.

The cop points at the big no-parking sign and says: „Sorry Sir, it looks like we put that sign in the wrong place.“

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To get out of friend zone ,send her a dick pic

Whatever happens next ,you won't be stuck in friend zone for sure

Yo mama is so fat that…

She needs to wear a watch on both wrists because of time zone difference.

Why do scottish people sing 'Danger Zone' when they forget their password?

Because they Kenny Loggin.

Time zones are very confusing. Like it's may 2 in australia, may 1 in europe

and 1954 in america

There's so much controversy surrounding school zones

I swear, I see a sign saying "end school zone" in every single one.

Why should you always carry toilet paper to the twilight zone?

Doodoo doodoo

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Splash Zone

I have the same rule for a pissing contest contest as I do for Sea World. I'm down to watch but I don't want to be anywhere close enough that I might get wet

I was driving by a sign that said "SLOW - School Zone" when it hit me...

A child to be exact.

i was kicked out of the karaoke bar after trying to sing 'danger zone' 4 times.

They said it was too many Loggins attempts.

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Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.

A cop pulls someone over for doing 130 in a 50 zone

"Your drivers licence please" he asks. The man he just pulled over replies "Sorry I can't, it's in the glove box together with an unregistered firearm". "Really? You know that I have to search the vehicle now?"
"Oh please don't, I just shot my coworker and put his corpse in the boot"
The polic...

I was told to get out of my comfort zone

So I started driving on the other side of the road

Not only I’m I uncomfortable, but so is everybody else

I fined a man £250 after he parked in a handicapped zone.

He was never going to catch me in his wheelchair.

Russia has 11 time zones...

North Korea has only one...

Kim Zone

I never get stuck in the friend-zone

Mostly because I don't have any friends

Time zones are amazing

It's a different time all around the world. For example in some parts of the US it's still 1950

The Friend zone.

It's like being turned down for a job, then they call you a week later complaining about the person they hired.

I got caught speeding

The officer pulled me over and told me I can't drive 70mph in a 30mph zone.

Three days later I got a letter through the door saying "Speeding Fine"

Now I don't know who to believe.

I tried to sing “Danger Zone” five times at karaoke night, but kept forgetting the lyrics.

They eventually kicked me off stage.
Too many Loggins attempts.

Trump made an effort to list certain areas as "no-fly" zones.

Looks like he missed Pence's head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cum leaves the body at almost 30 miles per hour, which means it is illegal to ejaculate in a school zone.

I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though.

I hope Planet Fitness really is a judgement free zone

Gonna be taking my dumps there for the next couple weeks.

Autocorrect has friend zoned me.

It said that it loves me like a brothel.

What do you call the authentication information used to enter the Danger Zone?

Kenny Log-ins

Getting Dad-zoned

Seeing a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar, a man walks up to her and says, "Where have you been all my life?"
"Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasn't even born."

Time zones are weird - Australia is in 2020. America is in 2019..

Des Moines is in 1998, Alabama in 1865, Saudi Arabia 1576.

What do you call a frog in the no parking zone?

Toad

What’s the difference between high school and the friend zone?

I have a chance of making it out of high school.

Yo mama so fat

She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry

Girl, you’re like speeding in a construction zone…

Double Fine

Time zones are crazy

On new years eve some parts of the world are in 2017, some are in 2016, and a large portion of the U.S. is still stuck in 1940.

I got pulled over today for going 112 mph in a 55 mph zone.

The police officer said "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."

I promptly replied "Well I got here as fast as I could!"

Damn girl, are you a road work zone?

'Cause you are double-fine.

If you are a man, don't visit nuclear disaster zones.

Because chernobyl fallout.

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I was doing 65 in a 35 zone when a cop pulled me over.

Officer approaches the car. "License and registration, please."


"I would, officer, but...this car is stolen. Oh, and full disclosure, there's a loaded pistol in the glove box."


"Sir, I'm going to need you to step out of the car."


As I'm getting out, I also le...

What is the friend zone?

It's the space between girlfriend and girl friend.

2020 is like living in the Stephen King novels The Stand and The Dead Zone at the same time.

If clowns show up next, that’s IT I’m outta here!

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A man was pulled over for doing 50 in a 30 zone... [Long]

A man was pulled over for doing 50 in a 30 zone, and the police officer comes up to him and asks for his license and registration. The guy replies "I don't think that would be the best idea, seeing as it's not there, this is a stolen car. I stole it."

The officer, a little surprised, says "So...

In Seattle, the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is looking for a musician/philanthropist to support the cause

i.e. a CHAZ Bono

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A man gets stopped by a police officer for doing 31 in a 30 zone

The police man asks what the man's job is.

The man says 'I'm an asshole stretcher'

The police man asks 'and what do you do in that?'

The man replies in detail 'we get the customers ass and slowly enlarge it by first sticking our fingers in, then our whole fist, slowly increasin...

When she says "I want a boyfriend exactly like you, but not you.", which zone am I in?

For example zone

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There was an American Soldier at the Neutral Zone in Korea

The American Soldier was a little bored and he seen a North Korean soldier so he asked "Do you speak english?" No response

So he turned to the south and asked a South Korean soldier if he knew english and he got no response back.

The American Soldier thought maybe they knew sign langu...

The Communist Party changed things so that China uses single time zone.

It's always Party time.

Samoa is in 2 time zones

Some of those people are living in the past

The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine.

When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?"

"A favor for the Pope??" exclaims the driver, "of course - anything!"

"You know, I hardly ever get to drive, and I'd really like it if I got to drive now. Would you please let me?"
...

A lady was pulled over for doing 120mph in a 50mph zone

The highway patrolman says "Why in the hell are you driving that fast?" She replied "Well I'm running so late for work." The patrolman says "Well I'm going to have to take you to jail for reckless driving." "Is there anything I can do to avoid it? I'll buy tickets to the Highway Patrolman ball to he...

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

Girl I like keeps putting me in the "dad zone"

Good thing this weekend is Father's Day.

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."


Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
...

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.

The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your pic...

A guy gets pulled over on the highway going 90mph in a 55mph zone...

Deputy walks up to the window and says to the guy "I clocked you at 90mph in a 55mph zone, can I see your drivers license"? "Don't got it" says the guy. Deputy then asks for his insurance card to which the guy replies "I think I saw one next to the gun in the glove box". Deputy says "Why do you have...

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Can we stop making Hitler jokes?

It really takes me out of mein kampfort zone.

The concept of dividing the globe into longitudinal strips or bands to establish time zones, was first proposed by Sweden's Alex Andersrag.

But few people today refer to these zones as Alex Andersrag Time Bands.

My Local Pizza Place Just Folded

Now they serve Calzones.

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There's a guy doing 60 in a 30 zone, so a policeman pulls him over Policeman says to driver: "I have reason to believe you've been doing drugs, sir." Driver replies: "Why, cos I'm black?!"

Policeman: "No, sir, cos you haven't got a fucking car."

So this US general gets stationed at some lost, forgotten war-zone in the remotest reaches of Afghanistan.

He gets greeted at the door of his new command by the captain of the troops there. The first thing the General spots – and smells – is this beat up, dirty, flea bitten camel lying in squalor near the entrance to the place.

“Good God man!!” he yells at the captain. “Get that god-forsaken an...

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An elderly couple gets pulled over by a cop.

The wife is driving, but she has a bit of a hearing problem. The officer notifies her that she was doing 38 in a 25 zone.
The wife turns to her husband and asks "What'd he say?"

The husband replies "He says you were speeding!"
The wife turns back to the officer and says "Oh, sorry offic...

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The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour

Which makes it illegal in school zones

During a nuclear explosion

There is a certain radius where all the frozen pizza's are perfectly cooked.

Also, where the people are perfectly cooked.


Flavour zone!

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