A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
...

TIL The U.S is #18 in Mathematics worldwide.

At least we're in the top 10.

Governments worldwide are pushing electric cars.

It's just going to cause a re volt.

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

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Three men are walking through the woods when they find an old, battered lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie.

"After all these years, I'm finally free!" the genie booms. "You know what, it's been so long that I'll make an exception and grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out, "I want a billion dollars!" In a ...

Which kind of hall is the most famous worldwide?

Jake Gyllenhaal.

With the new coronavirus outbreak Worldwide, the only people who can get closer than 6 feet to us are the police

So we have to tell them "Don't Stand So Close to Me."

Deer nuts are always the same price worldwide....

Always under a buck! lol


My 11 year old son told me this joke today and thought I'd share with everyone.

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

“Wonder Woman” earned $300 million worldwide in first week.

"Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.

Just like the "Freshman15", there are reports that this worldwide pandemic is causing some people to gain weight also.

It's called the "Covid-19".

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

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Russians search for My Little Pony porn 427% more than the worldwide average.

In Soviet Russia pony ride you.

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Apparently humans worldwide consume 55 million chickens every single day

Answer me this, veggies: do YOU want to live with an extra 20 billion chickens running about each year?

Thought not. Shut the fuck up and join the fight. Then we'll start on the bastard cows.

The government swore to shut down Fortnite due to claims of the video game aggravating children and teens worldwide.

Two weeks later, Fortnight was finished.

My friend runs a very successful business making prosthetic limbs and exporting them worldwide.

He is an International Arms dealer.

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It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis

It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own ass.

Worldwide, millions die from alcohol abuse each year....

Its truly a horrible ginocide.

Data gathered from over 10,000 prisoners worldwide suggests that the most common side effect is...

...cell-ulite.

A recent worldwide survey showed...

A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

What would you call a worldwide gathering of male athletes who have ED?

The Olympdicks.

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

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The leading cause of pedophilia worldwide..

Sexy kids.

Your mom is so fat

That she doesn’t need the internet because she’s already worldwide

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

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A group of four lifelong hunters decided to end their careers in the best way possible.

They'd taken down the most dangerous game to be found, all over the world. From saltwater gators, to bull elephants. They were renowned worldwide for having bagged a giant squid some few years back, but they were getting on in age and knew that they'd be unable to keep up with the youngsters before ...

A couple of good covid jokes I've heard

1. I dont know anything about Coronavirus other than if you have it; you get an undeniable urge to go the airport.
2. By the point most of the world has been exposed to covid 19, but the people in Wuhan got it right of the bat.
3. You know why I think coronavirus wont last for more than a year...

More people need to learn about the ways of the Simp

That is why I am hosting the very first worldwide simposium

Bosnian guy called Sakib just started working as a car salesman in Germany

Bosnian guy called Sakib just started working as a car salesman in Germany.

First day passes by and Sakib sells 10 cars to some Chinese guys. His boss is shocked, and then ask him: "Sakib, how did you sell 10 cars?" To which Sakib replies: "Boss, all people around the globe know me." Boss jus...

The Pope, Donald Trump, Lionel Messi, and a 14 year old boy are flying on a plane together.

Halfway into the flight, the pilots announce that the plane is going down, and that there are only three parachutes on board.

Lionel Messi grabs a parachute and says “Well guys, I’m the best football player in the world. My fans and millions of people worldwide need me!”, and jumps out of th...

Year 2020: A happening year

1. The WW3 is avoided
2. Australia finally stops burning.
3. 55K+ people died worldwide due to Coronavirus with superclean a\*\*holes.

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World-wide known John

One day, one big company's boss decided to visit his employees. There was one man who was greeted cheerfully by everyone. Like really everyone. His name was John. Boss stopped him for a while and asked him a question 'John, how is it possible that our accountant, manager, supplier and even our new c...

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

A brilliant inventor creates a brand new type of leather.

This leather is such an amazing product, the inventor is convinced he's made his legacy. He starts a company that manufactures clothes made out of this new leather material, and it instantly becomes a massive success. Everybody went crazy for their products, and the company's leather jeans in parti...

There must be flat-earthers at Microsoft.

Or why would one call a browser for the worldwide web Edge?

I just invented corduroy pillows

My friends tell me I’m stupid but I think they will make headlines worldwide

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The Illness

A man returned from a business trip to Dubai feeling nauseous and looking ghastly. He rushed to the ER and was immediately put through some medical tests.


After a few days of experiencing excruciating pain throughout his body, the doctor walks into the room holding his medical report.
...

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A Protestant archaeologist uncovered Jesus Christ’s tomb.

And he discovered inside it remains, which beyond any reasonable doubt belong to Jesus Christ himself. The archaeologist understands that this could be catastrophic for Christian faith, since this means that there wasn’t any Resurrection of Christ. He’s in desperate need of advice, and so he decides...

What's the difference between climate change and obesity?

One's a worldwide problem.

The other's a wideworld problem.

Do you ever wonder what happens to your luggage once you checked it in?

So does British Airways.


160 Destinations, Over 90 Countries Worldwide.



Could be in any one of them.

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There was a lion that terrorized a village

There was a lion that terrorized a village near the jungle. The villagers had tried to kill the lion many times, but they always failed. Many hunters came to the jungle and tried to kill the lion, but the lion ate them all. One time, the greatest hunter in the world came to the village. He was renow...

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The small magical pig and the 3 wishes

There was once a little-bitty magical pig and it was very lonely. It had never met other animals or humans.

One day it going through a large forest and met a rabbit and a bear that was up and fight!
The pig ran howling over to them:
- "Stop !!!! I can not fight! You are the firs...

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

Fidel Castro Dies and Goes to Heaven

Castro finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see him. He says, "Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life, how did you get here?"

Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heave...

[Joke]It's the end of the world!

It's the end of the world, as a meteor will hit the Earth in one hour, and everyone is scrambling to shelters worldwide. However, to enter, the United States, broke even now, requires 25 cents to enter, only quarters.

Billy and his granddad are hurrying to the shelter, however, when they get ...

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