A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't k...

Analysts are now predicting an exact worldwide repeat of the COVID-19 spread 18 months from now and there is nothing we can do to prevent it

It will be 2022.

Deer nuts are always the same price worldwide....

Always under a buck! lol


My 11 year old son told me this joke today and thought I'd share with everyone.

Which kind of hall is the most famous worldwide?

Jake Gyllenhaal.

With the new coronavirus outbreak Worldwide, the only people who can get closer than 6 feet to us are the police

So we have to tell them "Don't Stand So Close to Me."

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

Just like the "Freshman15", there are reports that this worldwide pandemic is causing some people to gain weight also.

It's called the "Covid-19".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis

It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own ass.

A couple of good covid jokes I've heard

1. I dont know anything about Coronavirus other than if you have it; you get an undeniable urge to go the airport.
2. By the point most of the world has been exposed to covid 19, but the people in Wuhan got it right of the bat.
3. You know why I think coronavirus wont last for more than a year...

Airlines worldwide now let passengers board planes with clocks

As we all know, time flies

More people need to learn about the ways of the Simp

That is why I am hosting the very first worldwide simposium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russians search for My Little Pony porn 427% more than the worldwide average.

In Soviet Russia pony ride you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

Yo mama so fat.

She don’t need the internet, she already worldwide.

“Wonder Woman” earned $300 million worldwide in first week.

"Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.

The government swore to shut down Fortnite due to claims of the video game aggravating children and teens worldwide.

Two weeks later, Fortnight was finished.

My friend runs a very successful business making prosthetic limbs and exporting them worldwide.

He is an International Arms dealer.

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Apparently humans worldwide consume 55 million chickens every single day

Answer me this, veggies: do YOU want to live with an extra 20 billion chickens running about each year?

Thought not. Shut the fuck up and join the fight. Then we'll start on the bastard cows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of four lifelong hunters decided to end their careers in the best way possible.

They'd taken down the most dangerous game to be found, all over the world. From saltwater gators, to bull elephants. They were renowned worldwide for having bagged a giant squid some few years back, but they were getting on in age and knew that they'd be unable to keep up with the youngsters before ...

TIL The U.S is #18 in Mathematics worldwide.

At least we're in the top 10.

Worldwide, millions die from alcohol abuse each year....

Its truly a horrible ginocide.

Data gathered from over 10,000 prisoners worldwide suggests that the most common side effect is...

...cell-ulite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19 and has gone on record to his fans as saying "I'm going to kick the shit out of this thing."

After the quote, millions of people worldwide who fear they may be carrying the virus have begun hoarding toilet paper to await the inevitable.

A recent worldwide survey showed...

A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The leading cause of pedophilia worldwide..

Sexy kids.

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dead Eyed Dick

Here's a cheer to Dead Eyed Dick!

The only man with a spiraled prick.

He went out on a worldwide hunt,

To find a women with a spiraled cunt.

When he found her, the son of a bitch dropped dead.

Damn thing had a left hand thread.

Climate change is getting on the news alot more nowadays.

You could say its a hot topic worldwide.

The Pope, Donald Trump, Lionel Messi, and a 14 year old boy are flying on a plane together.

Halfway into the flight, the pilots announce that the plane is going down, and that there are only three parachutes on board.

Lionel Messi grabs a parachute and says “Well guys, I’m the best football player in the world. My fans and millions of people worldwide need me!”, and jumps out of th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

World-wide known John

One day, one big company's boss decided to visit his employees. There was one man who was greeted cheerfully by everyone. Like really everyone. His name was John. Boss stopped him for a while and asked him a question 'John, how is it possible that our accountant, manager, supplier and even our new c...

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

It Was Happening In A Hospital That ICU Patients Died In Same Bed Every Sunday At 11 Am.

Dr. Thought, It Is Something Super Natural

Worldwide Xpert Team Was Formed To Investigate The Cause.

Next Sunday, Few Minute Before 11 Am, All Dr. & Nurses Stand Around That Bed & Start Waiting To See What It Was?

Then Suddenly A Part Time Sunday Sweeper Entered The ICU,...

I just invented corduroy pillows

My friends tell me I’m stupid but I think they will make headlines worldwide

There must be flat-earthers at Microsoft.

Or why would one call a browser for the worldwide web Edge?

A brilliant inventor creates a brand new type of leather.

This leather is such an amazing product, the inventor is convinced he's made his legacy. He starts a company that manufactures clothes made out of this new leather material, and it instantly becomes a massive success. Everybody went crazy for their products, and the company's leather jeans in parti...

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The Illness

A man returned from a business trip to Dubai feeling nauseous and looking ghastly. He rushed to the ER and was immediately put through some medical tests.


After a few days of experiencing excruciating pain throughout his body, the doctor walks into the room holding his medical report.
...

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A Protestant archaeologist uncovered Jesus Christ’s tomb.

And he discovered inside it remains, which beyond any reasonable doubt belong to Jesus Christ himself. The archaeologist understands that this could be catastrophic for Christian faith, since this means that there wasn’t any Resurrection of Christ. He’s in desperate need of advice, and so he decides...

What's the difference between climate change and obesity?

One's a worldwide problem.

The other's a wideworld problem.

Medical accidents are now the third leading cause of death in America.

And as it happens accidents are also the leading cause of life worldwide.

Do you ever wonder what happens to your luggage once you checked it in?

So does British Airways.


160 Destinations, Over 90 Countries Worldwide.



Could be in any one of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a lion that terrorized a village

There was a lion that terrorized a village near the jungle. The villagers had tried to kill the lion many times, but they always failed. Many hunters came to the jungle and tried to kill the lion, but the lion ate them all. One time, the greatest hunter in the world came to the village. He was renow...

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The small magical pig and the 3 wishes

There was once a little-bitty magical pig and it was very lonely. It had never met other animals or humans.

One day it going through a large forest and met a rabbit and a bear that was up and fight!
The pig ran howling over to them:
- "Stop !!!! I can not fight! You are the firs...

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

Fidel Castro Dies and Goes to Heaven

Castro finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see him. He says, "Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life, how did you get here?"

Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heave...

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