I don't understand why people are disgusted by domestic violence against pregnant women.

At the end of the day, it's 2 against 1.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave is in the court because of domestic violence.

"These papers say you beat your wife with a hammer" says the judge. "Is this true?"

"Yes," says Dave.

"Disgusting son of a bitch," says a man in the audience.

The judge proceeds. "Then, two weeks later, you beat your wife's mother with the same hammer. Is this true?"

"Yes...

What would you call a domestic worker in China?

Maid in China.

I would make a joke about domestic violence

But I just think it would hit too close to home for some

Jokes about domestic abuse

are only funny until someone gets hurt.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse...

But i beat her to it.

So Donald Trump was discussing domestic policy with Mike Pence

Donald Trump- *The more walls we build, the less Mexicans will come here.*

Mike Pence- *The “fewer.”*

Donald Trump- *I thought we agreed to not call me that in public yet.*

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A group of chronic masturbators have recently started an organization to protect women from domestic violence.

Their slogan is "We only beat ourselves."

A klansmen, a domestic abuser and a murderer walk into a bar...

The bartender asks “what’ll it be officer?”

In New York, when a married couple gets into a fight, it’s called domestic violence.

In Alabama, it’s known as sibling rivalry.

Heartbreaking

Dallas Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with chil...

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A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it.

In order the figures were:

1) A Woman. 2) A Donkey. 3) A Shovel. 4) A Fish. 5) A Star of David.

After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a...

Did ya’ll hear about the domestic disturbance at the seafood restaurant?

Apparently three fish got battered!

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What happens when you mix Adolf Hitler and domestic violence?

Adolf *Hit-Her*

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I got a domestic violence charge

From my penis

Scientists today combined a car with two domestic sweeping devices.

It goes broom broom.

A banjo asked a fiddle to marry him. "Don't frett," he said. "Just duet and we'll live in harmony until the end of time."

Ten months later, the fiddle started to tip the scales. Her belly was noticeably bowed and before you could say concerto, out popped a minor.

Daddy banjo went to the Hyundai dealer and traded in his old Accent for a brand new Sonata. After just a month, mama fiddle lost her key at the bar and...

A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country

Police say they are farmed and dangerous.

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Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blended Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.<...

A police officer radioed the station for backup

Officer: Looks like that domestic disturbance is a homicide, old lady murdered her husband for tracking dirt on a floor she just mopped.

Dispatch: have you arrested her?

Officer: Not yet. The floor isn't dry.

Did you know my dad is an incredible magician?

He can turn a case of Jack Daniels into a case of domestic abuse

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I was reading an article on how men could be the victims of domestic abuse

I was starting to believe this crap, but thankfully, my wife came in and slapped me back to my senses. That's the last time I'm reading men's rights propaganda.

Please dont tell jokes about domestic abuse...

They hit too close to home

My uncle is a magician

he turned a bottle of whiskey into a case of domestic violence

My wife is a horrible singer .

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

A man brings his wife to his first domestic abuse support group

As they sit down, the man beside him leans over and whispers in his ear:

"You hittin' that?"

I like my beer the same way I like my violence.

Domestic

Dogs are the the most racially tolerant of all domesticated animals...

They don't see color

a man named his son Rock Bottom

he ends up in jail a few years later for domestic abuse. his wife visits him and asks him through tears: “What happened? Why are you here?” The husband says: “I’ve hit Rock Bottom”

What do you call a child born from incest

Gross domestic product

What it’s called when a train is in a bad relationship:

Domestic caboose.

More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever

If you can't beat em, join em

Irish man arrested for domestic abuse

The man has been arrested on the same charge 5 times before.

"Why do you keep beating her Paddy?" asked the police officer.

"Well isn't that obvious you idiot?

It is my height and weight advantage coupled with my superior reach and better footwork!"

Why is there no equality in domestic abuse?

Someone always has the upper hand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish Mother was horrified to find out her daughter was divorcing her doctor husband.

"Does he hit you?" she asked.

"No Ma."

"Is he cheating on you?"

"No Ma."

"Did he lose his money?"

"No Ma."

"You live in a beautiful house, you have luxury cars, your clothes are of the finest quality, you have a staff to take care of the domestic chores. Wh...

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

If Germany was the Fatherland and the Soviet Union was the Motherland,

does that make WWII domestic violence?

My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive

He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence

A very Canadian joke

It's Grey Cup weekend in Vancouver... the Stampeders are playing the Argonauts at BC Place, and fans are flying in from all over the country to watch the game and join in the festivities.

It's kind of chaotic at the domestic arrivals terminal at YVR. Air Canada and WestJet flights are arrivin...

If a Muslim beats his wife...

Would it be domestic violence or child abuse?

I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert...

...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas

They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic abuse or foster houses.

It will be called the Broken Home Depot.

I like my craft beers like I like my abuse...

Domestic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golden Wedding Anniversary

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of th...

Did you hear about the redneck magician?

He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

If Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland...

Does that mean the world wars were two cases of domestic violence?

What do you call it when Thomas the Tank Engine beats his wife?

Domestic Caboose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A day in the ER

Sean Bean's wife brings her husband into the Emergency department with a broken nose and a bruised shoulder. During triage the nurse asks how the Sean sustained the injuries. After a nudge from his wife, he sullenly replies "I was looking over my shoulder and walked into a door." The nurse wonders h...

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost ...

Why did the blonde travel abroad with her boyfriend to beat him?

Cause at that point, it isn't domestic violence anymore.

There is a country whose main export is spiders...

They have a gross domestic product.

A thought about Del Toro’s “The Shape of Water”

“The Shape of Water” is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a pluck...

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