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A guy's wife faints one day, so he takes her to the hospital. After a full day of tests on the wife, the doctor approaches the husband wearing a grave expression. He says: "I'm afraid I have some bad news. We know that it's either AIDS or Alzheimer's."

The husband breaks down, and says "Oh my god, what do I do? What do I do?"

The doctor replies: "This is exactly what you need to do: Drive her home with you now, but drop her a couple of blocks from the house. If she finds her way home *don't fuck her*."

I've a joke about AIDS.

Hope no-one gets it anymore.

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A very attractive girl goes to confession (NSFW)

Girl: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do Child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Ye...

“What do we want!?” “Hearing aids!”

“When do we want them!?”
“Hearing aids!”

I'm releasing a new line of sleep aids featuring melatonin-infused almonds, cashews, and pistachios.

They're called Doze Nuts.

Did you hear the one about the little kid with aids?

It never gets old.

My new hearing aids are so good, they're restored my hearing fully

- That's awesome, how long have you had them?
- About 200$

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A very tall man walks into a bar...

and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.


They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm ...

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Aids or Alzheimers

A woman noticed her husband wasn't quite the same as he used to be. So she takes him to the doctor. The doctor does a bunch of tests. He calls the woman into the office. He says, "Well, I've narrowed it down to two things. It's either Aids or Alzheimers." The woman says, "Oh, My God!!!! What am I go...

Common sense is like AIDS.

Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

Paul: I got these really nice hearing aids. It was an amazing deal!

Bill: Oh yeah? What kind is it?

Paul: It is half past 9.

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Why do doctors recommend avoiding sexual contact with the ears

Hearing Aids

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. ...

So my ex called me this morning, and said “Jason, I have aids.”

And I called her back and said, “I know.”

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Never have sex on the phone

You could get hearing AIDS

"Your wife's test results indicate she has either Alzheimer's or aids, however..."

"Your insurance only authorized the one test, so we really can't narrow it down more."
"What should I do Doc?"
"Leave her here and drive home alone. If she shows up do not sleep with her!"

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Oh sure, when a white man has HIV; people say he has AIDS. But when a black guy has it...

He has Kool Aids

Am elderly gentleman with hearing problems goes to the doctor and gets fitted with hearing aids.

After a month he goes back for a checkup and the doctor asks him how things are going now that he can hear everything and if his friends and family have said anything.

The gentleman replied, "I haven't told anyone yet I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will f...

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[NSFW] Lisa, one of the regulars at church enters the confession booth to confess her sins.

Lisa:"Forgive me father, for I have sinned"

Priest: "Don't worry my child. Tell me what happend."

Lisa: "Two days ago I met a guy"

Priest: "And?"

Lisa: "He was very sweet and such a gentleman..*

Priest: "So?"

Lisa: "Well we kissed and he started to touch me...

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Son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.

Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the boozer on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the pub, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. W...

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A guy and a girl go out on a date..

It's going so well, SHE invites him back to her place. They do the horizontal mambo late into the night. Around sunrise, she leaps up in a panic.

"What!? what!?" says the man.

"I forgot to ask you, you don't have AIDS, do you!?" she asks.

"No!"

"Whew! I don't wanna get th...

What kind of STD's do fish get?

**Merm-aids**

Send my hearing aids up for repair

Haven't heard of them since

You know what’s more dangerous than a Pitbull with AIDS?

The man who gave it to him...

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Doctor : Your wife has either AIDS or Alzheimer's

Husband : Doc! Is there anything I can do!!
Doctor : Drive her 2 miles from home and drop her off, if she comes back, don't fuck her.

What do you call an old man with his hearing aids turned off?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.

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In the Beginning was the plan.

And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”

And the workers went unto their supervi...

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

What was the most rampant STD in the crocodile community in the 1980s? (NSFW)

GatorAIDS.

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Charlie: "I just bought the most expensive, high-tech hearing aids available."

Eddie: "No shit! What kind is it?"
Charlie: "Quarter after nine."

Doctor: You have AIDS and alzheimer...

Patient: At least I don't have AIDS

What does a broken thermometer and AIDS have in common?

They've both wasted Mercury

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What will you get if a HIV positive person fucks your ear?

Hearing aids.

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You can’t catch aids from a parrot

but you can catch aids from a cockatoo

What's meaner than a pitbull with AIDS?

The man who gave it to him.
Via shared needles.

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Q: What's the first symptom of AIDS?

A: A steady pounding sensation in your ass.

What's more dangerous than a pit bull with AIDS?

The guy who gave him AIDS.

I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic.

Everybody is so positive.

My dad told me he just got one of the best hearing aids money can buy.

So I asked him "what kind is it?"

He said "about 4:30".

Did you know you can catch aids from a New York toilet seat?

If you sit down before the other guy gets up.

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A military ship pulls into a foreign port for shore leave

Before they all depart, the commanding officer makes an address to the crew:

"In this city, half of the women have AIDS and half the women have COVID. Given the knowledge of these facts, what will your course of action be here?"

"I'll just fuck the ones who cough, sir"

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