The 89+ Best International Jokes

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International women’s day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes

Period.

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the f\*\*k would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.

As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others' laps.
...

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

A man saw a gorgeous flight attendant sitting alone reading the paper in an international airport.

He couldn’t quite pin down the exact airline, but he wanted to show off as a man of the world. He tried by saying Air France’s old motto. ‘Making the sky the best place on earth!’ The stewardess gave him the side eye but otherwise ignored him. Undeterred, he tried Singapore Airlines’. ‘A great way t...

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At an international gynecologist's convention...

Two American Doctors and a European Doctor were having drinks and talking about work. After a few too many they started telling stories.

The first American decides to talk about the strangest patients he had had. "This woman's vulva was like an apple!" He explained.

The second America...

International Men's Day

When creating International Women's Day the committee in charge also created one for men. The problem is, every single man forgot the date, so it has been lost to history.

Well, after much digging and searching I managed to rediscover the date, and wanted to share this information with every...

Does the International House of Pancakes answer to the United Nations or is it the other way around?

Serious answers only. I'm studying for my AP World History final.

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Me: Happy International Anxiety Day!

My therapist: International Anxiety Day is tomorrow.

Today is International Women's Day.

It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.

In honour of International Women's Day, I'd like to point out to everyone that PMS jokes are not funny.

Period.

/r/Jokes won the International Green Awards!

96% recycled content.

What could we call an international chain of hotels catering to vampires?

Hema Globe Inns

(Thoughts on this OC?)

I work for the Big, International Non-Governmental Organization.

And BINGO is its name-o.

There’s so much debate about whether to allow Russian athletes to compete internationally

Whatever else happens I hope they let Russians compete in the Paralympics. With the way the war’s going they’ll have a heck of a team

Did you hear about the International women’s day sale on steam?

Everything was 70 cents on the dollar.

A photographer from a well known international magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.

When the photographer arrived, he realize that the smoke was so thick, it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything at ground level.

He requested permission to hire a plane and take photos from the air.

Arriving at the airport, he saw a plane warming ...

At an international scout camp, three boys were talking about where babies come from.

A German boy said that the stork brings babies, while a French boy said it involved the mother and father. The American boy was silent.

After some prodding, he finally said “Well, with us it depends on whether you’re from a red state or a blue one.”

it's international Talk Like A Pirate Day! enjoy a cross-re-post.

What's a Pirate's favourite letter?

You'd think it'd be r, but a pirate's first love is the C.

Keeping with the spirit of all the international jokes, I present one of my favorite Ukrainian ones.

A Ukrainian man and a Russian man are out fishing when suddenly the Russian reels in a golden fish.
The fish looks at the men and says "Congratulations! You have caught me and know I shall grant you both three wishes."
The fish turns to the Russian man and says "Since you are the one who r...

What do you call an unruly, unreasonable passenger at Las Vegas International Airport?

A McKaren.

The organisers of the International Chilli Growers Trade Show put up a fairground as entertainment —

The ChilliCon Carney

Workers at the International Earth Rotation Service have gone on strike.

This is going to be a long day.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

What do you call a tangled rope on International Space Station?

Astroknot

What do you call a fistfight at an international gathering of bakers?

A contention convection confection convention

Have you heard of the international bathroom?

When you go there, you're Russian.
Once there, European.

At the the end, you're Finnish.

What do visitors to the International Space Station have to do before boarding?

Pay the parking meteor.

International Time Differences

One of the Russian Ambassadors comes to President Putin and tells him he'd like to resign.
"Why?" Putin asks him.
"Ah, Mr. President, I can't take these time differences! I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, I last woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only ...

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule" as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator....

I just learned today is International Joke Day.

But do we really need a whole day dedicated to Trump?

A bat in China didn't start covid. It came from a sick bird stuck in the landing gear of an international flight...

...an ill-eagle immigrant.

Why has no electrician ever gone to the International Space Station?

They don't think it's safe. None of the wiring runs to ground.

Since its international Stoke awareness day

3 old ladies are sitting on a bench together and a flasher runs up to them and exposes himself, the first old lady has a look and then has a stroke, the second old lady also has a look then has a stroke, but the third old lady was too far away and it hurt to stand up so she just had a look

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

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Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

So I guess you could say, we need s'more lions!

With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!

It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.

Itvis international talk like a pirate day!

Arrgh, I'm not paying for all these streaming services!

North Korean international press conference

The North Korean representative starts:

\- I will have you know that in North Korea no one has died of hunger

\- No one has died of thirst, of cold or homelessness

The Russian representative:

\- have you tried polonium ?

Who is the leader of international public health?

Yes.

An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.

The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".

African president asked, "What is food?".

Europe asked, "Wha...

Man says to his wife: today is International Generalizations Day

Wife replies: that's EVERY day with you

The International Flat Earth Society Annual Conference was going to be held on Zoom this year.

Unfortunately they all agreed on the same start time.

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The trip to Rome

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.

He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded,

\- “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

\- “We’re taking United,” wa...

“Father, do you have anything to declare?”

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate i...

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I'd like to take the opportunity on this, International Women's Day, to refute allegations that I'm a sexist.

I've got a friend who's a woman. And I believe she should be treated as if she *is* equal.

An Indonesian ambassador and a Polish ambassador are meeting in America to discuss international relationships when the American embassy worker gets confused.

"Their country flags are so similar and confusing," the American embassy worker thought to himself, "How can I tell the Indonesian flag and the Polish flag apart?"

"Is the white strip located above the red stripe?" The embassy worker asked the ambassadors.

"Tak" replied the ambassadors...

Why is it International Women's Day?

Cause yo mamma is that fat.

One of my joints is an giant international media conglomerate.

Which one?

Dis knee.

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Anal swabs are made compulsory for all international travellers to China.

This is in line with their "China first" policy. First China enters you, then you enter China.

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Today is International Orgasm Day...

Those who suffer from premature ejaculation celebrated yesterday.

The international recognition of Jewish sovereignty is so bad...

...that they have to name their country "It's real" to remind everyone that it exists.

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

Happy International Women's Day

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore. Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be gi...

At an international military convention during the Cold War,

various generals from around the world gathered to brag about their accomplishments. An American general stood up and proudly stated, "In the US military, all of our soldiers get 3000 calories a day and we can raise it to 5000 during periods of hard training."

A Soviet general, upon hearing ...

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I’m an international man of mystery

I leave the nation and nobody knows who the fuck I am.

Update I guess I’m a national man of mystery too

The Pope gets off a plane at JFK international airport...

He tells the limo to get in the back
“Why?” The limo driver replies.
“Because I’m the f#&$’n Pope” Said the Pope.
Next thing you know the limo’s going down the Brooklyn Bridge doin like 30 over the limit.
Cop pulls him over.
Pope rolls down the window
“Water you whining about” ...

I was watching an international soccer game, and suddenly an Iranian player ran into the stands to beat up a spectator.

Then the Shiite hit the fan.

Everyone at John Lennon International airport has been quarantined.

Imagine.. all the people.

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

Parker seeks the help of International Rescue for something out of the ordinary...

"You have to help me, Mr. Tracy. It's Lady Penelope. She has gone crazy! "

"Gone crazy, Parker? What do you mean by that?"

"It's her drinking....She cannot restrain herself. Every evening for five months she's been in the bar, drinking heavily, disturbing everybody and being utterly un...

On this international women’s day I would like to say to all women everywhere

Thank you for your cervix

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A young couple are on a long international flight

A young couple are on a long international flight. The flight crew turns off the lights in the cabin for the passengers to sleep. The guy turns to his girlfriend and says "hey everyone is sleeping let's have sex." "No are you crazy? Everyone will hear us" says the girl. The boyfriend comes up with a...

I read a book on the International Space Station.

I couldn’t put it down.

Where did Miami International Airport go?

It went MIA

Say what you will about Trump, but in the end, he kept the promise he made in 2016 about restoring respect for America in the international community.

All he had to do was lose in 2020.

Once Upon A Time there was a International Poets Contest. All the poets from across the lands came to compete bringing there best original work to compete against their peers. For 40 days and nights they competed eliminating Poet after Poet.

On the 40th day they had narrowed it down to only 2 poets. Both poets read poems back to back for 12 hours, each poem as good as the last. After the 12th hour the judge’s became exhausted and realized that this may never end as both poets were equally amazing. They had to decide a winner and they ha...

Job ad: Position of a psychic at large international corporation open ($1M/annually)

Submit your application and cover letter you know where. The deadline is you know when.

Why don't international pandemics begin in the US?

They do, but we prefer to release them in China.

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International train ride to FaceslapVille

A Pole, a Russian, a nun, and a blonde ride the train from Warsaw to Szczebrzeszyn

Suddenly, a tunnel appears and the lights are out.

Then BAM! A faceslap!

Train reemerges from the tunnel and the Russian has a red face

The Nun thinks: "He must've grabbed the thigh of the...

An international conference was held to decide what the most annoying musical instrument was.

After intense debate, a shortlist of instruments was created, consisting of the bagpipes, didgeridoo, and vuvuzela, but before a vote was held it was decided that the exact origin of each instrument had to be accounted accounted for beyond any doubt.

The didgeridoo's origin was easily proven,...

Being a man means never celebrating International Men’s Day.

Because every year we forget what day it is. Just like we forget what day our anniversary is.

International Doctor Debate

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a...

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A gent, badly in need of the toilet was on an international flight to Japan..

All of the bathrooms were engaged, bar for the ladies' loo in first class.

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but warned him that this was a Japanese toilet and cautioned him against using any of the buttons on it.

Having ta...

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An international chess tournament is being held in a swank hotel in New York.

However, due to a conflicting convention the tables have been set up in the lobby. Everyone who is anyone in the world of chess is there. After a grueling 4 hours of chess, there is still no winner. In the lobby, the players get into a big argument about who is the brightest, the fastest, and the be...

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(OC) Why don’t Canadians participate in international spelling bees?

Because the judges say they use too many letters, eh?

Today is international men's day AND world toilet day.

I'm celebrating both by leaving the toilet seat up.

What's an international gathering of Volkswagen vans called?

A combination

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A group of highly skilled doctors meet at an international medical conference to boast of their greatest achievements

The Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, our medicine is so advanced that we are able to chop off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in only 6 weeks he is up and looking for work!"

The German doctor snorts and says: "That's nothing. In Germany, we can take out a bit of man's brain, pu...

This Sunday is International Women's Day

Or as they say in the US, International Women's 17 Hours.

How do you get a big international company to kiss your ass?

By dressing up as Winnie the Pooh!

In honor of international women's day....

Why are women like a hurricane?

at first they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house.

You can do anything you want in international waters.

That's why I filled my hot tub with international waters.

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat announced:

"Gentlemen !

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-

Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece

and

Frustration of ...

International exits

Polish exit: leaving the party without saying goodbye.

British exit: saying goodbye very dramatically several times but not leaving.

How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport

Re:LAX

The leaders of Russia, North Korea and the United States fly up to the international space station...

Upon their arrival, they all marvel at the view of the earth from such magnificent heights. They begin to toss around ideas of ways they could all benefit from the ISS.

The Russian leader talks about all of the opportunities to use imaging to spy on people from outerspace. The other leaders ...

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