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Wishing Jokes

The Competition - Wishing you a Happy Halloween!

Dracula wanted to know which of his bats was the best. So, he organized a little competition.

The bat which would drink more blood in less time than others would be the winner.

The first bat went and came back after 10 minutes. Its mouth was full of blood.

Dracula was impresse...

Three men approach a wishing well one after another

The first, wishes to have one million bucks. Instantly, he is now in ownership of one million wild deer. He sets up a venison business and makes millions

The second wishes for his ex-wife to fall for him again. She instantly trips while thinking about him, and on the way to the hospital, he m...

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well.

I was amazed - I never thought they actually worked.

A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."

"I want a dragon."

"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"

"I want to learn how to fol...

If the mark of a great performance is always leave them wishing there was more

Then I’m great in bed

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak........

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do ...

Wishing Well

English is second language.... excuse grammar

My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well
I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man drops his coin into the wishing well...

" I wish I had a giant cock!"

Wish granted. Cause of death, 2 metre cock shoved up his ass. Giant still at large.

In light of recent political tensions, please refrain from wishing Putin falls into a vat of concrete.

That would set a very dangerous president.

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Wishing Pool

Three friends who were on an adventure through the jungle stumbled upon a magical wonder: they discovered a pool which turned into whatever you wished for. Before jumping off the rock next to the pool, you have to shout whatever you want the pool to turn into.

The first friend decided to try ...

What do you say about the coins you toss into a wishing well?

Money well spent

"I wish..."

"I wish I was rich.", I said while throwing a coin into a wishing well.

Reading the newspaper the next day, the front page headline was:

"Rare coin worth millions found in well"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dropped some Viagra down a wishing well.

Just so I could get my hopes up.

A married couple came upon a wishing well

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a quarter. The wife decided to make a wish, too but she leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men and the wishing cliff

There were once three men and a magical wishing cliff. Legend was when you jumped off the cliff to say your wish you would turn into what you wished for. As it came to be three men who knew of the cliff decided to take their chances and go to the wishing cliff. The first of the jumped and wished to...

A man visits an enchanted wishing well,

deep inside a forest. This well, unlike most wishing wells, had a peculiar quality: as well as granting wishes, it could talk. That made it, in some sense, alive.

So the man knelt in front of the well, and spake his wish: "Please, enchanted well. Grant me the wish of death upon the man who be...

Wishing a happy women’s day to Siri and Alexa

.... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!

Not a joke just wishing you all a merry Christmas

And a funny new year

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