UPJOKE
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What do nerds and racists have in common?

They both aspire to be wizards.

Today I learned about a new vocation to which I can aspire: Second Gentleman.

Only problem is, I've been told I don't qualify.

Why do so many children aspire to be astronauts?

Some men just want to watch the world turn.

There was a very well liked guy named Jimmy, and had always aspired to be a pilot, just like his dad.

Unfortunately, life took many rough turns for him in high school; one night while driving late one night, his tire blew out and he lost his right eye. Having only half his vision, his dreams of being a pilot were crushed, and he didn't know what to do with his life.

Jimmy, now fitted with a b...

I aspire to write jokes for laffy taffy.

Q: What do you call a gullible vampire?

A: A sucker

People who don't excel at what they do cannot even aspire to be a scarecrow.

Because only if you are out-standing in your field are you a scarecrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to which we can only aspire.

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"
"Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship.
"I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."
"What word is that?" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Horse Joke (long)

So there are two racehorses.

A young racehorse and an old racehorse.

The young racehorse is about to run his first race and the old racehorse is undefeated going into his last race.

The old racehorse goes over to the young racehorse and says "Hey, you're a really fast runner. Y...

Have you ever heard of the paralysed man who aspired to become a stand-up comedian?

He figured sitcoms suited him better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a pervert that aspires to be a sexual harassment lawyer.

Ok, so I really just want to get myself off in court.

If a lady with manners perspires, rather than sweats

Does she aspire, rather than fart?

The CIA is testing recruits

Out of more than 300 who aspired to become elite special agents only three made it to the final test: Two men and a woman. During weeks in which they reached and exceeded physical and psychological limits they proved time and time again that they are better than all others. Now, they are facing the ...

The Train Conductor

There was a man. He was a train conductor by trade. One day, he saw a woman fall on the tracks in front of his train, but made no effort to stop. He was arrested at the next stop and, unable to make a good excuse for his arrogance, was sentenced to death by electric chair. He accepted his death as a...

Hans Grapje was raised

in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm.


 
Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplai...

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