If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound like a commie

Then soviet

do commies write everything in lower case?

you know beacause they hate capitalism

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier...

When I was a kid, we used to refer to the People's Republic of China as "commies."

Now they are "dot commies."

Where do Soviet nerds gather?

At Commie-Con.

Did you hear the one about the suicidal soviet pilot?

He was a commie-kazi.

Four communists go to a hotel.

When they get to the hotel, one of the comrades gets very tired and tries to get some sleep. The other three annoy him all night and keep him from sleeping. The other three began telling jokes about the Soviets, so he creates a plan.

The fourth communist goes to the kitchen and asks for a cup...

There are 3 people in a car

The American one said turn right,

The Soviet commie one said turn left,

The Chinese one said to signal left but then turn right.

Afraid your kid might be a commie?

Well if he paints one of his bedroom walls red with some yellow stars or a hammer and sickle, that's a huge red flag.

Why couldn’t the commie find the fascist?

They were looking too far left while the other one was far right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm so patriotic, I piss red white and blue.

My doctor told me it was pancreatic cancer.


I told him to shut his commie mouth.

I took my wife to the beach today and now she’s mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.

After all, I could’ve sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo commie con.

What do you call a funny person who is a socialist?

A commie-dian

What did the back-then USA president commented about the USSR during a press conference at the mere start of the Cold War?

"If those reds wanna be commies, then **SO BE IT**"



My first actual english joke-pun, please don't be harsh xD

What do you call a communist beaver?

A dam commie

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I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

What do you call a Soviet congress?

Commie con

Why did the comedian go to Russia to cut down a tree?

Because the real joke is always in the Commie Ents.

Two guys from the 50's

Two guys from the 50's were talking out front of one's house.
The first neighbor says to the other, " what do you think of that new family, the Petrov's?"
The second neighbor looks at him and replies, " I don't know if they're commies Teddy, but they sure do raise a lot of red flags."

What do you call a convention for communists?

CommieCon

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I want to make a Russian coffee table book based on sex positions using cross stitch images. I will call it...

The commie suture.

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Then one stormy Christmas night, Santa came to say:

"Rudolph... man, you're like the only one I can talk to. I mean... I work all year, you know? For these kids? Do you know what it takes? Goddamn elf slave labour. Slaves, Rudolph. How can a man live with that? Then I deliver the gifts and the adults call me a red-faced Commie."

"I'm old, Rudy...

You know why Communist Jokes are funny?

Because they are Commie-cal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the joke about the communists penis?

It was fairly commie-dick.

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Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run commie collective farm.)

A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."

The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?" ...

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Gorbachev visits Washington

Gorbachev visits Washington. He is in the Oval office with Reagan. He noticed a red button on the president’s desk. So Gorbachev sits down on Reagan's desk and presses the button out of curiosity. A trapdoor opens above his head, and a bucket of shit empties on his head. Reagan is rolling on the flo...

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