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John Wayne got fired from his first job cleaning stables.

He wouldn't take shit from anyone even if you paid him.

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Why is school toilet paper referred to as John Wayne?

Because it's rough, tough and won't take shit off anyone

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What do you get when Little Richard calls you up to tell you he's picked up Carmen Miranda, Freddy Mercury, Peter Allen, Divine, Sylvester, Chris Crocker, Elton John, Gil Chesterton, Andy Dick, Wayne Newton, Liberace, and Richard Simmons...and they're on their way?

Tutti Frutti en route-y!

(Wooooooooo!)

Wayne was returning home from a business trip,

bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.
Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered. "I'll take you to your car."

Startled, Wayne took a step backward....

Where does Bruce Wayne go to defecate?

The bat-room!

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the ...

BRUCE WAYNE: I won't do it

**ALFRED:** Sir, you have to sing along or it'll look suspicious

**CHOIR:** *Jingle bells...*

**BRUCE: [choking back tears]** ...Batman smells

Corny joke from a warehouse worker.

Was loading semi trailers and it was raining like hell. Asked my team lead to step inside a trailer with me.

"Hey Billy, I keep hearing a weird noise every time I step in a trailer."

"What's it sound like?"

(While pointing at the roof) "It sounds like autotune."

"Autotune...

What do you call a beaten up batman?

A Bruised Wayne....

What does Bruce Wayne take with his drink?

Just ice.

Wayne Gretzky said you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

If Congress is any indication, you miss a lot of the ones you do take as well.

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A teenage girl came across an old man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane in time to a Lil Wayne song.

"Holy crap! I didn't know you'd like rap music?!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".

what did the white woman say to the other white woman who confused jay-z for lil wayne?

thats ludacris

What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?

Wayne Regretzky

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Why did Lil Wayne never release the song "delegate"

shit was so fire, everyone would've realised it was the work of ghost writers

Hip-hop Music Artist Lil' Wayne announced that he's tested positive for COVID-19

The rapper said that he's okay and mostly recovered though, just a lil'weezy.

Bruce Wayne became a surgeon.

Whenever he carried out a surgery, he always asked the nurses to turn the lights off. This was extremely dangerous and unusual, so the nurses asked him why.
He said, "I operate in the shadows"

If you say "I'm a big fan of John Wayne," it's normal...

But add the word Gacy and suddenly you're a weirdo.

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

What walks into an alley with 6 legs and walks out with 2?

"What walks into an alley with 6 legs and walks out with 2?"

"What?"

"The Wayne Family"

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their money,

Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

Q: What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

A: Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

What's the difference between Wayne Gretsky and a bartender?

A bartender makes 100% of the shots he doesn't take.

Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first?

I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

Why do they call Lil Wayne "The Last Communist?"

Cuz he's We-Z baby.

Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming

they were promised a storm...

...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.

I'm here all week.

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If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

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Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on. From Todays GCFL

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on.


The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."


The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Eve...

Some have sympathy for John Wayne Bobbit

I don't, the guy will always be re-membered.

You know how Gotham citizens are going to be able to tell Bruce Wayne is Batman in the upcoming movie?

Because during the day he’ll sparkle.

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What did Dr.Dre say to Lil Wayne?

Nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in Eminem's basement!

What did Bruce Wayne say when Wayne enterprises was dying?

My business is wayne-ing.

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An Indian walks into a grocery store...

He's approached by a store associate who asks him "can I have a moment of your time?" The man agrees and the associate explains to him that they are asking customers to try out a new brand of toilet paper and to come up with names to call it based on their experience. So he convinces the man to try ...

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Betting on John Wayne

Two friends are watching a John Wayne film in the theater. Midway through the film, one of the gentlemen says to his friend “I’ll bet you five dollars that John Wayne gets shot before the end of the movie.” His buddy accepts: “You’re on!”

Sure enough, by the end of the film, John Wayne ...

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If, according to Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches, and if, according to Lil' Wayne, bitches come a dime a dozen

That means one good girl is worth $8.33 (USD), no Wonder 50 cent couldn't afford a good girl.

If Lil Wayne was a Royal What would he be doing on the weekends?

I don't know, but I'm sure it would involve Wayneking.

What was the burglar doing in Wayne Manor?

He was Robin.

What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?

One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.

(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)

Did you know that Lil Wayne's parents were murdered right in front of him?

It was what inspired him to become the Batman.

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Did you hear about John Wayne Bobbitt's dick?

[REMOVED]

What did Bruce Wayne say to the hungry squirrel?

YOU WANNA GET NUTS?

C'mon, let's get nuts.

What does the Jewish Bruce Wayne drive?

The Shabbat-Mobile.

After being 3 months sober from drinking, I bought myself a motivational poster to keep my spirits up.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Wayne Gretzky

How does Lil Wayne get inspiration for his new music?

He listens to his old music.

When Batman takes a hard punch...

... does that make him Bruise Wayne?

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What do lil' Wayne and sewage have in common?

Shit flow.

John Wayne walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender if he can use his private restroom.
"No!" Says the bartender, "You can use the public one, just like everybody else!"
John wayne replies: "Oh come on man, I'm John Wayne!"
"No preferential treatment, either use the public one, or get out."
John Wayne thinks for a w...

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John Wayne

It was a slow day for Mike. He was hunched over the counter doing the crossword in newspaper to pass time as he waited for customers to visit his shop.

The door opened and the bell rang, in walks his good friend Johnny.

"Hey there Johnny! How ya doin'? What can I get you, buddy?"
...

Why are Wayne and Garth banned from playgrounds?

They hog the Schwing set.

I called up a hotel and the receptionist answered 'Hello, Best Western'...

I replied 'True Grit, starring John Wayne.'

16 sodiums walk into a bar followed by Bruce Wayne

Nananananananananananananananana BATMAN!

Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman’s family reunion?

Because it was a Wayne-y day.

Lil wayne becomes a comedian...

Lol wayne

Reportedly Wayne Rooney said to Roy Hodgson "I don't know if I'm better on the left, middle or right"

Hodgson responded "Shut up and pick a seat on the plane Wayne"

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Sexual education with John Wayne

The first time I got sexual education in elementary school, we were told to write a small text about sex and read it out loud in front of the class. Most stories were about "when a man and a woman love eachother", when their dog gave birth to puppies, etc...
I wrote this:
"John Wayne is being ...

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John Wayne

rides his horse into town, ties the reins to the hitching rail, walks to the back of the horse and pokes his finger up the horses butt. He then proceeds to wipes the finger all around his mouth.

A man standing nearby runs over and says "Mr Wayne, why did you do that"

John Wayne replies...

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Sex with ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do an...

Wayne Rooney walks into a shop

He sees a shiny silver thermos flask that he has never seen before, so he finds a shop assistant and asks him, "what is this used for?" the shop assistant replies, "it is used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold". Wayne Rooney buys it and takes it to training the next day. Alex Ferguson sees...

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My mate had builders in doing an extension...

and his five year old daughter decided to help. The builders gave her little jobs to do to make her feel part of the team.

At the end of the week she was presented with her 'wage packet', which consisted of $2 in small change. Her father took her to the bank to open an account with the money ...

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A poor family from India move to London in search of a better life (long)

On their first evening in their new home, the man of the house goes out to buy what he can with the little money he has.

He finds a small store where he buys some food for his family.

Paying for the food he remembers he should buy some toilet paper.

The shopkeeper recommends D...

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Not mine but still funny

A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles north of the Michigan/Indiana State line.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Ft. Wayne , IN to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't w...

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

Batman's dad's new name will be John in a retcon

He will be played by The Wayne, John's Son

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Junior Builder....

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She ...

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Because hes expecting a Lil Wayne

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With the recent cuts to benefits all claims are being investigated, anything suspicious the claiments are invited in to explain.

In Chigwell Essex Tracey had her claim for 13 children flagged as suspicious, she went to the DWP to explain.

Benefits Advisor *“Tracey, I find it hard to believe you have 13 boys all the same name, doesn't it get confusing?”*

Tracey, *“Nah, its well easy, if they're out and I want t...

Kevin Hart is so short

He calls Lil Wayne "Wayne"

Why don't cops shut down Klan rallies?

Same reason you never see Bruce Wayne and Batman together.

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Toilet Paper

A Native American Medicine Man walks into a drugstore one day to buy supplies for his tribe. Having walked to the toilet paper section, the medicine man notices alongside the name brands there was a package of toilet paper that had no logo or anything on it. Inquiring about it, the clerk said that...

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