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A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,

Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?

Why was the sand wet?

The sea weed.

If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice...

At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

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Why do we call it a wet dream,

Instead of a snorgasm?

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As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…

I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."

What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet?

PASTA, you pervert!

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What do you call the person who sleeps on the wet spot after sex?

Overcome

I entered a wet T-shirt contest, and everyone couldn't help but stare at me

I just swallowed my fourth wet t-shirt, so I must be winning!

What's hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, begins with a C, has a U and an N in the middle, and ends with a T

COCONUT

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday.

That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

If you threw a green shoe into the Red sea, what would it become?

Wet.

Did you hear about the Irishman who gets wet every time it rains?

Paddy O’ Furniture

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A Girl was toweling her wet pussy.

She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until...

...the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away.

Moral Lessons

1. Be kind to Animals

2. Always keep your thoughts clean...

"GIVE IT TO ME!" She screamed. "I'm so wet right now!"

She can yell all she wants, I'm keeping my umbrella.

Which letters of the alphabet are wet?

H to O

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A cat and a rooster sitting on the lake shore...

The cat falls into the lake and the rooster starts laughing hysterically.


Morale of the story:


When there is a wet pussy, there's a happy cock also

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What's the best way for an incel to get his dick wet?

Taking a bath.

Why does a donkey-meat lover make women wet?

Because he eats ass.

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“Give it to me now!” She yelled “I’m so wet!”

She can scream all she wants, she’s not getting my fucking umbrella

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A woman runs into a man at the grocery store

Woman: Hi there!

Man: Do you know me?

Woman: I think you're the father of one of my kids.

Man: Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?

Woman: No......

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlet

All girls get really wet if they see me

And I only have 5 charges for public urination

What do women and cyclones have in common?

They get wet and wild when coming and they take the house when going.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet then rub up and down...

Then rinse it one last time and that's
how you clean a cup.

What's something that can stop water but never fails to make someone wet?

A kink.

An old lady walks into an Apple store with a dripping wet MacBook in hand.

She finds an employee and tells him that her MacBook wouldn’t turn on after she cleaned it. The employee looks at the MacBook and sees that it’s soaking wet.

“Ma’am did you wash it with water?” He asks.

“Yes but I don’t think that’s what killed it.” Replied the old lady.

“Than w...

Women are like wet paint.

Irresistible to touch,

Hard to get off your hands.

What’s hard and dry at first but once out in a mouth turns soft, wet and sticky?

Gum

Pharaoh, surrounded by family and advisors, tells everyone that he can jump in the river and not get wet at all

They say that they would love to see his godly powers, and encourage him to do it.

He then jumps into the river and, as you would expect, gets soaked.

Despite this, he stands up and shouts "look everyone! I am completely dry!"

And it was clear to everyone around him that he was...

The world's leading expert on wet clothing walks into a record shop.

The expert asks the assistant "Do you have the latest edition of 'Wet Garments' Acoustics'? I'm sure your store just released it yesterday."

"Of course," the assistant replies. "Would you like to listen to it before you buy it?"

"Why, thank you," says the expert, and puts on a pair of...

I won a wet t-shirt competition. Guess what I got?

Pneumonia.

What is big and black and gets you wet?

A thunderstorm

Do you make grass slippery? Do you make windows wet? Are you a morning person?

If so, you may be dew condensation.

2 blondes in the shower

Two blondes are in the gym's shower after their workout. The first blonde says to the other "Hey, can you pass me your shampoo please" The second blonde says "But why? Your shampoo is right next to you" And the first blonde replies "Yes but my shampoo is for dry hair, now my hair is already wet"

My wife got angry when I said her new candle smelled like wet dog and mildew...

But I was just giving my two scents on the topic

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A girlfriend says to her boyfriend: “Oh my god give it to me! God give it to me I’m so fucking wet!”

Boyfriend: “I don’t care how wet you are, it’s my umbrella.”

A wet fart

Should be called a Schrodinger’s shat

T'was a wet and rainy Christmas eve...

...when santa landed on our roof.

The slippery condition were quite treacherous,

as a reindeer missed its hoof.

Santa and his reindeers came sliding down.

I would've laffed if it was a clown.

One by one, they got tangled in the lights,

and came crashing down...

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

When I die I want to be buried in wet concrete

So that over time the plot thickens

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A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

I make women wet all the time.You wanna know my secret?

Be a useless plumber like me

Everyone is on Trump for avoiding the WWI Memorial because of rain, but it was really Melania who didn’t want to go.

She doesn’t remember what it’s like to be wet.

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I went to the supermarket today to do shopping, when I noticed an attractive young woman waving at me…

She came over and said hi to me and I was taken aback because I couldn't recall where I knew her from.

So I asked her, “Sorry, do I know you?”

She replied, “Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

My mind was whirring now and it traveled back to the only time I have e...

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They’re straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

All of my wet dreams are nightmares

I call them scream and creams

A beautiful blonde woman ends up sitting next to a professor on a plane.

He's amused by her ditzy attitude, and the two start playing a trivia game. The blonde agrees to pay a dollar for every question she gets wrong, and the professor, feeling pompous, offers to pay a hundred dollars for his incorrect answers.

After missing the first question, the blonde asks so...

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?

A wet nose.

What is pink, hard when it goes in, soft when it comes out, dry when it goes in, and wet when it comes out?

Bubble gum. Got this joke from a high school science teacher, one of the weird ones.

Today I learned that "Wet Floor" signs…

…are not a request…

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So this guy asks if I prefer breasts or legs

And I reply, really I'd prefer wet pussy.

Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.

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My girlfriend came through the front door and moaned, "I had to walk home in the rain and now I'm really wet!"

I replied, "You get turned on by the weirdest shit…"

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“Give it to me!” She yelled. “I’m so fucking wet give it to me now!!”

She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.


FYI found this on my phone from ages ago but wanted to post it cause I thought it was hilarious.

Who brings Purell and wet wipes to all the good little OCD girls and boys?

Sani Claus.

Mars: I'm wet...

NASA: I'm coming!

I just completed my first wet t-shirt contest but I’m sad that I didn’t win

I don’t get it, I ate waaayy more t-shirts than anyone else

What do you call it when Shakespeare has a wet dream?

Mid summer Night’s cream

Why are Hurricanes normally named after females?

Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car.

My notebook got wet in the rain and I lost most of my school assignments.

On a side note, I still managed to save a few of them.

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Rain is like the Vagina......

When it's wet, It's time to go inside.

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box...

We are born naked, wet and hungry...

Then things get worse

After Ryan got pushed into a river, he kept yelling that he wasn't wet.

He was in de-Nile.

I wet my pants in the third grade once...

And it cost me my teaching career.

I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique

no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.

Little Suzy wet herself in class one day..

The teacher asked "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She said "I did! but it ran out through my fingers!"

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.

I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"

-true story, just happened.

Why was the basketball court wet?

Because all the players kept dribbling on it.
(Not sure if repost, but I find it hilarious)

My family and I were at a friend's house for a barbecue when it started to rain.

Our son commented, "The rain is wet."
My friend laughed and said, "Wow, talk about stating the obvious!"
"He's always doing that," my wife said. "I don't know who he gets it from..." she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, "He gets i...

Wet Joke

My Uncle Forgot to pay his water bill the other day.

I sent him a get *well* soon card

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