This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lion is taking a peaceful drink out of a jungle stream, when a gorilla spots him through the trees

The gorilla sneaks up behind the lion, grabs his hindquarters, and screws him up the butt


The lion roars out and the gorilla takes off through the trees. The gorilla manages to stretch out his lead a bit, when he comes on a camp. The gorilla decides to disguise himself as a human on saf...

One day there were two boys playing by a stream.

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. ...

I’m like that one stray stream of water from the shower head...

The people who turn me on hate me the most.

I tried injecting drugs straight into my blood stream, thinking I would feel better afterwards...

but it was all in vein.

I'm trying to stream Titanic

But it keeps syncing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

What do you call a voodoo live stream?

Twitch-craft.

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Dive-Bar Dare

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass...

Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.

One yells to the other, 'How do you get to the other side?' The other blonde replies, 'You are on the other side!'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a fish in the stream who was looking up at a fly...

...the fish thought, “boy if that fly drops 6 inches, I would have myself a nice meal.”
Meanwhile, there is a bear sitting behind a tree, looking at the fish who was looking at the fly. The bear is thinking, “boy if that fly drops 6 inches and that fish goes up to get it, I’ll go grab that fish ...

A farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a stream.

He shouted over in Welsh: “Don't drink the water! It's disgusting! There's sheep poo in it!”

The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking. Realising the man couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.

But still the man couldn't...

Peaceful Place

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenit...

Why can't house flies stream on twitch?

Because they would immediately get swatted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunting tale

There’s a fly flying above a stream and there’s a fish watching the fly and it’s thinking “if that fly drops 6 inches I’m gonna have a great meal.” Meanwhile, there’s a bear on the bank watching the fish thinking, “if that fly drops 6 inches that fish is gonna get the fly and I’m gonna have a great ...

A priest, a minister and a rabbi.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi wanted to find out who’s best at his job. So they decide that each of them will go into the woods, find a bear and attempt to convert it.
Later that day, they get together. The priest begins: “I found a bear sitting by a tree. I blessed him and sprinkled him wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Long)(Dirty) A fly was hovering 6 inches above a stream...

Below that stream was a fish. He watched thay fly intently, saying 'if that fly dropped about 6 inches, I could swim up and have some lunch.'

On the bank of the stream was a bear. He sees the fish is distracted and says to himself, 'if that fly drops about 6 inches, that fish will jump up, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fly over a stream. [Dirty Joke]

One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream.

In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat."

Alongside...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men camping...

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy.

One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and ...

(OC) Once, back the days of dragons...

Once back in the days of knights and dragons there was a mountain to which people would travel from leagues around.

At the summit of this mountain was a magic cradle which would heal the illness of any child placed in it, but only if the child's parent would then roll up into a ball and tumbl...

An unemployed finds hard getting a suitable job in his stream.

An unemployed graduate was looking for a suitable job in his stream. He attended several exams and many personal interviews, only to be rejected. Being fed up after so many months of his job hunt, he decided to get into any job that will provide him some money for his daily expenses.
Being financ...

Why was the mountain stream laughing?

Because it's banks were hill-areas...

Fed up with God's creations, Lucifer decides to lead an army to destroy humanity...

The war had been raging for many years, and humanity was slowly losing. Lucifer could raise a never ending stream of demons, and until he was contained, the fighting would never end.

In order to stop him, God gives the humans a ritual that would seal away Satan forever. The Pope was recruited...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

RE-RE-RE-REMIX - So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet...

*This is a parody because the original is posted almost daily*

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?”

“Yup”

“What if you miss?”

He lo...

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"
<...

What did the fisherman stream?

A rodcast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three scientists want to know how long can an organism live without shitting

They try to test it with a pig, so they put a plug in his butthole and start feeding him for days.

The first two weeks the pig is ok, but the third week the scientists see that the pig has become very very fat, so they decide to remove the plug from his ass.

The problem is they don't k...

A man REALLY has to pee

He walks into the restroom of a venue and stands in front of a urinal.Suddenly he hears a weird sound and looks to his side. There hee sees another guy peeing but with two streams!

Intrigued. He asks how that's possible, two streams! The other guy looks up and explains he’s a veteran and by b...

What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

Live stream.

So a bat comes back to the bat cave...

...with his face completely covered in blood. All the other bats get super excited and ask him "where did you get all that blood?!! Finally a decent meal!", so he says "come with me, I'll show you!".

So they all super excitedly fly out of the bat cave, they turn left and fly off.

He f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Farmer in Cornwall see's a bloke drinking from his stream

He shouts, "Wozzon! Ee den wanna be drinkin dat, t'is fulla horse piss an cow shit".

The bloke says "I'm from london and just purchased a property in the village can you speak bit slower please".


The Farmer replies "If - you -use - two - hands - you - won't - spill - any"!!!!!

The Priest and the Frog.

One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine ...

What is the best city to stream a movie?

Buffa lo

How do you kill a hipster?

Drown them in the main stream.

The IRS decides to audit Ed, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS decides to audit Ed, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ed shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A retired Italian man is working away in his garden when he finds a mysterious old lamp

He picks up and lamp and rubs it, and out pops a genie. The genie explains to him that he only gets one wish, so he should think on it and make it a good one. The man thinks for a few moments before saying "my wife and I love to drink wine, I'd like to be able to make the best wine in the world!" th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Cooties

Three cootie explorers gather on a woman's belly. One of them says "One of you will go up, one of you will go behind and i will go down. We will meet here in a hour and we will discuss our findings.".



One hour later three coaties meet at the same spot. The cootie who went up looks tir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

I seem to have this constant stream of bugs trying to hang me.

They're really quite the noose ants.

How does Aquaman get his news?

He streams it on SeaNN.

So there was a fish swimming up stream and it runs into a wall...

And it was like "damn."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Old-timers Were Discussing Problems of Old Age

The first one had urinary problems and said “It’s really terrible because I’m always
having to get up in the middle of the night to pee..and then other nights I need to pee
but nothing comes out. I’d give anything to just be able to pee normally.”

The second guy had elimination issues....

Dumb fisherman.

Two buddies are fishing,   but they haven't caught anything all day.   Then,   another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish.   They ask him   "excuse me,   but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies,   "If you just go down the steam until the water isn't salty, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between German porn and The Ghostbusters?

German porn doesn't wait until the end of the movie to cross the streams.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Top of The Toilet - The_Merciless_Potato

A crappy feeling's comin' over me

There is defecation in 'most everything I see

Not a toilet in sight, ate a taco and some fries

And I won't be surprised if it's a stream



Every worst food-combo in the world

Is now coming true especially inside me

And...

Frank the farmer had a nagging wife

She made his life miserable. The only real peace he got was when he was out in the field ploughing.

One day while in the field, Frank's wife brought him his lunch. Then while he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining.
Suddenly, Frank's old donkey kick...

What is it called when you shoot at a river?

Stream Sniping.

Why do the Ghostbusters stick together when they go swimming at the river?

Because none of them want to be across the stream.

Once upon a time an alien race tried to invade Earth (OC)

Humans were at a loss to protect themselves, then The Doctor came and and protected Earth. Everyone asked, "Doctor Who?"

There was no answer. Humans moved on and named The Doctor, "Doctor Who".



Once again an Alien race tried to invade earth. Helpless earth chanted "Doctor Who...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man is on an Airplane...

Several hours into the flight he needs to go to the bathroom, so he goes to the lavatories but they are all occupied and there's quite a queue. He waits for about 10 minutes until he literally cannot hold it any longer.

Just when he's about to burst he sees lady come out of the ladies room in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn't make this 4 years ago. This might not be the worst joke. I'm posting again for the ones who read the original by the original poster...this is my version to pay homage

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-known porn star, and the other is a lazy ass. Lazy ass doesn't have a job and just likes to sit around the house. One Sunday, the porn star is angry and thirsty. He decides to make the brother do something useful....

A lizard in the jungle is trying to get high...

So he walks around looking for some pot. Suddenly he catches a whiff of some dank. So he follows the smell to a tree where he sees a monkey getting stoned.

He shouts "Hey monkey, you mind if I smoke some of your weed with you?"

Monkey says "sure come on up lizard I'll smoke you out"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An older couple were exploring art museum...

...when they came across a painting that they didn't quite understand. It appeared to be three naked black men sitting on a bench, the one in the middle had a white penis. This made the couple ponder for a while.

What was the message? Was it a commentary on racism? Perhaps an insight into cla...

America's waterways are increasing in salinity and I know who's to blame.

Who else but Fortnite players could be responsible for so many salty streams.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Of Biblical proportions

An elderly Catholic priest dies one night peacefully in his sleep after a long life of serving God, and finds himself standing at the pearly gates.

"You were such a pious and holy man in life," began St. Peter, "that as a reward you can make one request of me before leaving behind your worldl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has a 25 inch long penis

And he thinks it is way too big, and he looks for ways to make it smaller. One day, he finds out about a witch in the woods who can solve his problem.

When he went to the witch, she told him to look for a frog by the stream and ask the frog to have sex with him. The frog will say no, and his ...

How come the Ghostbusters never made it very far in Oregon Trail?

They refused to cross streams.

A farmer from the midwest was trying to sell his farm so he could retire in Florida.

The farm had been on the market for several months with no prospects until a man stopped and asked about the place.

The farmer explains that there were 1,000 acres half farmable and the other half beautiful timber with a trout stream and a small pond full of small mouth bass.

The man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When the fly drops 4 inches

Picture a mountain stream and there is bear that is trying to catch a fish and there is a fly that is buzzing over the stream.

The fish inside the stream is looking up at the fly, and is thinking if this fly would just drop 4 inches then I could jump out of the water and have a snack.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was looking for porn....

I was looking for porn but nothing was doing it for me. So I decided to put on the FCC live stream nothing gets me off like seeing a whole country get fucked.

The Bear Hunter

One day a hunter took his trusty Winchester to the mountains to hunt for bear. He hid behind a rock that overlooked a beautiful valley and waited.

Soon a brown bear appeared by the stream which ran through the valley. The hunter aimed and fired and killed the bear dead.

Suddenly then t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh day, resting.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds

"Look Michael, look what I've made", said God. Archangel Michael looked pu...

How do gamer guys pee?

Spray and Pray or split-stream

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Low tech enlightenment

A young tech executive is strolling through his business campus to stretch his limbs and get some air. He sits on a bench to relax, and pulls out his phone. Distracted, he looks up to notice an elderly Buddhist monk has sat down next to him.

He nods greeting and looks back to his phone, scrol...

What do you call something that gave up being a small body of running water to pursue a career in professional skateboarding?

Ex-stream

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since it’s 4/20, here’s a quality repost

A monkey was in a tree smoking weed...

A lizard, walking by, looked up and saw him. "Yo, Monkey." Said the lizard. "What are you doing up there?"

The monkey looked down and answered him. "I'm smoking weed."

"Can I have some?" Asked the Lizard.

"Yeah, dude. Come on up here...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] Voodoo Dick (Long)

Lucia popped into her local South American produce shop on the way home from work (it was enchilada night). While browsing she got a call from her bff Natalie and spent some time talking about the recent divorce, and her lack of sex life. Shortly after hanging up, she was approached by the store cle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why we rarely see male live streaming masturbation like camgirls?

Because the stream ends in 2 minutes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Coldest Igloo in the World

Three Eskimos are arguing loudly in a bar. Each is convinced his igloo is the coldest in the world. The bartender, tired of overhearing the argument, suggests, "Why don't you just visit each other's igloos and see for yourselves whose igloo is coldest?" The eskimos agree to this suggestion.

A...

The Zoo Joke (Long)

So there's this zoo, and this zoo isn't very affluent, but, if someone visits the zoo, it is definitely to see their gorilla.

One morning, the workers come in early to open the zoo like normal and find, to their great sadness, that their famous gorilla has died of old age. The zoo staff are ...

Frank goes hunting in the woods by himself.

He comes across a small black bear drinking from a stream so he shoots and kills it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a large black bear.

"Hey", says the bear. "You just killed my cousin. What's your name?"

"Um....Frank", the hunter says nervously.

...

Why don't salmon watch cable television?

They prefer streams.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman...

...meet at a bar, really dig each other, and decide to go back to his place for a bit of fun.

One thing leads to another, and soon the woman is on her back, enthusiastically receiving oral sex. As she's moaning and writhing, she hears the man's muffled voice say what sounds like "urinate"....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was having a few drinks in a bar

..and had to take a leak, so off he went to the bathroom. As he is releasing his stream a tiny leprechaun dressed in green appears beside him.

Man: “My goodness!! A leprechaun!! This must be my lucky day!!”

Leprechaun: “Aye! ‘Tis yer lucky day! I being a leprechaun, will grant ye a wis...

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors.

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.