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Watering Jokes

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“You dug the watering hole where the outhouse used to be…”

“…well shit.”

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A priest is fishing at a local watering hole...

A priest is fishing a local watering hole one afternoon and catches an odd looking fish. The guy down the shore explains it’s called a Sonofabitch fish. The priest is not amused but the fisherman swears it is correct. When he gets back to the church rectory the priest gives the fish to the ground...

Last week, I called someone a watering hole

But I meant well

The Watering Hole

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the...

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time?

You have been germinated.

YSK - The number one reason house plants die is OVER watering.

The number two reason is under watering.

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A man scores a hot date Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged.

The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his date are having dinner. The man is in love with her, but is experiencing an increasingly uncomfortable ...

why did the deranged man fill in the watering hole?

Because he was mentally unwell.

What do you call an empty watering can?

A watering can't.

A doctor fell into a watering hole.

Its his own fault. He should have attended to the sick and left the well alone.

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From an old cowboy who frequents my watering hole (hopefully not too country for y'all)

A woman from New York dreams of one day exploring the wild west. After a year of saving and pinching pennies she finally has enough money to make her dreams come true.

After an exciting three weeks she returns home and meets with her girlfriend for drinks.

Her girlfriend asks "How wa...

As I was watering the plants, my wife told me

"After you are done watering the plants, we need to talk about what I saw on your phone".

It's been 4 days, and I'm still watering the plants.

If H2O is water, and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, what is H2O4?

Drinking, bathing, watering etc etc.

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to rati...

What do you call someone who grows plants by watering them with blood?

A phlebotanist

Why did the blind villager fall into the watering hole?

because they couldn't see that well

^^^_yes_i_know^^^

I let go a silent fart in bed last night and gently lifted the sheet to let it escape, my wife shrieked 'Oh my god, that's disgusting! My eyes are watering'...

Must have been bad, she was downstairs at the time

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