Shakespeare: shall I compare thee to a summerโs day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate
US: [translation] you're like summer... hot
upvote downvote report
What animal can only survive in temperate climates?
A lukeworm.
upvote downvote report
This joke may contain profanity. ๐ค
Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.
"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword
The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...
upvote downvote report
This joke may contain profanity. ๐ค
A man is on his way into the pub when a nun steps in front of him...
...and says, "Stop! For the sake of your soul, I implore you!"
The man takes a step back and says, "Can I help you with something, sister? I was just on my way in for a pint."
"A pint?" she asks, "Twenty pints is more like it! You were going in there to get drunk, and drunkenness is a ...
upvote downvote report
God decides it's time for a vacation...
...so he consults with a few of his angels to figure out where he should go for some much needed rest and relaxation. The first angel to speak up says "Well, sir, I hear Mercury is nice this time of year. It's nice and warm, you could catch some rays and maybe get a nice tan." "That could be nic...
upvote downvote report
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.