UPJOKE
cheerfulcheerybrightsunshinycloudlesssunlitsunshinechillywindybreezytranquilbalmyrainypleasantdrier

Sunny Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've read that excessive sex causes memory loss:

It was in the British Medical Journal in May last year, page 12, paragraph 3. A nice sunny day I was reading in the park ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning...

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a pair of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. <...

Another short joke from Sunny

Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke?"The farmer replyed: "no usually they dont" Then the boy scratched his nose and said: "well i guess your barn is on fire then"

A man and his wife were travelling down to sunny California for their honeymoon.

The husband arranged to go to their hotel a day earlier to prepare, and upon arrival sent his wife a quick email. But unfortunately he misspelled the address, and it got sent to a grieving widow, who's pastor husband had died the day before.

When the widow checked her email, she let out a shr...

[Long] A man was playing golf one sunny afternoon when he hit his ball into a pond.

As he approached the water to retrieve his ball, he noticed a small frog sitting on a lily pad.
To his surprise, the frog spoke up and said, "Excuse me, sir, but I'm not actually a frog. I'm a beautiful princess under a curse. If you kiss me, I'll transform back into my true form, and I'll be for...

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

Why don’t pirates like Sunny Delight?

They prefer the high sea.

One sunny day, Jesus, Moses and a small elderly man were playing golf.

Jesus was the first to tee off. He hit the ball a little to the left, and it ended up in the water hazard. Because it was Jesus his ball floated, and when he got down to the hazard, he walked upon the water and hit the ball into the green.

Moses was the next to tee off, and like Jesus, he too...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning.

As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but n...

One sunny day in January 2021, an older man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a parch bench

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with president trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, trump is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same old ...

Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina,

were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain.

Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Sunny: "What's that?"

Tina: "A condom."

Sunny: "Where'd you get it?"

Tina: "You can get them a...

I told my wife when I first met her that I play a LOT of golf

I told her …

If it’s a beautiful sunny day I’m gonna play golf

If it’s windy I’ll play golf

If it’s rainy I’ll play golf

If we’re in a minor car accident, I’ll drop her off at the hospital and go play golf…

She said she’s a hooker…

I said you’re probably ...

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub,

drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Hitler and Sunny D have in common?

They both like their juice with extra chemicals.

Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days ?

Dunno, they just seem a bit shady

Dad, its sunny here

Son, it's daddy here

My neighbour always seems to hang up his laundry on sunny days, but never on rainy days.

One day I decided to ask him how he always knew which days to hang his laundry.

"Well," he explained, "if I wake up and my wife is lying on her side, I know it's going to rain and I shouldn't hang my laundry. If I wake up and she's lying on her front, I know it's not going to rain and I shoul...

I love sunny side up eggs. But no matter how far in advance I plan to make one...

...I always wind up scrambling at the last minute.

When it's sunny, I think, "beer garden!"

When it rains, I usually go to the bar for a while.

When it's snowing, I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.

I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather…

Why do IT people hate sunny days?

Because there's not enough cloud storage

Every day Sunny Leone creates history

Every day Sunny Leone creates history...

Then

we have to

go to

Settings

and

delete that

History.

Sunny side up!

Growing up I never knew what a sunrise was until one day it dawned on me.

Sunny day with my gf.

I ask honey if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."

She is right, I kill the son of b* in one shot.

I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a sunny morning Brezhnev goes out on the balcony of his apartment

He looks to the east, and says, “Hello, sun!” The sun replies, “Good morning, dear Leonid Ilyich, the beloved leader of our glorious socialist motherland, the hope of all progressive humanity, and the guardian of peace on Earth!” In the evening, Brezhnev admires the beautiful sunset and fishes for a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One sunny day in Auschwitz

One sunny day in Auschwitz Hitler was standing in front of a big pit.
Nervously, in line in front of him, few hundred jews were standing.
Hitler would call one by one, and give orders to them...

Feet together, spread your arms in 90° angle...

As soon as he complied Hitler p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

A joke my Dad told me that I never understood when I was a child.

A man walking along a California beach is deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, Grant me one wish."

The sunny Californian sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Horse and chicken are hanging in farmer Brown's yard.

Horse laid down in great big mud puddle to cool off. He took a nap and when he woke, he was sunk to his haunches and couldn't get up.

"He-e-e-lp me chicken! I'm stuck! Go get farmer brown to pull me out with the tractor."

《Buak》" can't do it. Farmer brown's out plowing the back 40. I...

The year is 1900 and it is sunny summer day in Germany

One person, named Hans has a day off. He decides to go to seer to find about something about his future.

He went to the seer. It was old lady that could see peoples' future in her magical globe. She closes herself with Hans in one dark room and starts the ritual.

All of a sudden she g...

It was sunny out so i put sunglasses on a tree.

Suddenly it was very shady!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pope and his right hand bishop are on a flight with 25 sunny school children

They’re on their way back to the children’s hometown when one of the engine goes. Then another, and then the last two at the same time. The pilot jumps out of the cockpit and runs to the Pope.

“Your excellency, I’m really sorry, but this plane is going down and we only have two parachutes on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One sunny Saturday morning...

Joe and his buddy Ryan decide to go golfing. Joe was setting up his tee when a funeral procession drove by on the nearby road. Joe immediately took off his hat, and stood perfectly still until the procession had passed. Ryan said "Joe, that's one of the most respectful things I've ever seen." Jo...

the weather app on my android tablet tells me it's sunny outside....

.... and it's the same on my Iphone, but if i look out of my window i can totally see it's raining.
Oh my god, I think i've just proven the superiority of windows over Android and Ios.

Google Weather reported today is a cloudy day. But it is a clear sunny day.

Something must have happened to Google clouds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DIARY of a POMMIE EXPAT in AUSTRALIA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally...

When the day is very sunny, And you’re out with your honey, And your nose is very runny, And you think it’s very funny,

Well, it’s snot.

How do you defeat a vampire using eggs?

.
.
.
.
Serve ‘em sunny side up

What’s the solar system’s favorite type of egg scramble?

Sunny-Side up…

I couldn’t resist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

facts

did you know that having too much sex could cause memory loss ?

i remember reading that on the 23 of november 2001 at 9:1:02 am page 36 line 9/11

it wasn't a sunny day in fact it was very cloudy

very...cloudy....

an Amazon native can predict the weather

Engineers were preparing to build a highway in the middle of the Amazon forest when a native rocked up and told them to seek shelter because there would be heavy rain in 2 hours. The engineers looked up at the clear sky, didn't heed the man's prediction and continued with their work. In exactly 2 ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.

"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"

I was still deep in my routine, seemingly ...

A drummer was standing outside of his car panicking because he accidentally locked his keys inside it.

It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.

The new blonde waitress at the truck stop

A nasty and mean looking trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order. He said I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out ther...

Why didn't the astronaut go on holiday to the binary solar system?

It was two sunny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wise woman was once asked "What's the difference between hungry and horny?"

She replied "Depends on where I put my carrot".

Source: Sunny Leonne, the goddess.

OC Dad joke

Farmers say that when all the cows are standing up in the field, it’s going to be rainy weather.

When all of the cows are sitting down, it’s going to be sunny weather.

What is the weather going to be if half the cows are standing and half are sitting?

Partly Cowdy.

<...

Just got back from the tanning bed

Guess that’s not what my wife meant by get some Sunny D.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you go to a nude beach on a bright day...

You get a sunny d

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk" if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the s...

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men in the desert find a genie...

Three guys get trapped in a cave beneath the desert. They find a lamp with a genie. The genie offers each of them a chance to dive into a pool of their favorite drink.

One guy runs from a diving platform and yells "beer" and lands in a pool of beer. Another guy runs and yells "Sunny D" and l...

Did you hear what weather is going to be for Super Bowl LIII?

Sunny, clear sky with no Brees.

Germany has varied climate

Winter is cold, Spring is sunny, Summer is hot,
And the Fall is full of soviets

What’s a vampires least favorite city?

Philadelphia



It’s always sunny there

Why do blind people hate skydiving?

Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.




-credit Charlie on Always Sunny

Little Timmy saw his dad drive by...

It's a sunny day, and little Timmy was outside playing by himself, when he saw his dad drive by with Aunt Karen in the passenger seat. They drive off into the woods nearby, and little Timmy runs after them to see what's going on. Upon learning what it is dad and Aunt Karen is doing out in the woods ...

Cinderella

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, ...

A man and a woman are painfully flirting

The restaurant was practically empty, save for them. The man and the woman sat in silence, each waiting for the other to begin.

The man started.

"H-Hi." **Oh god, I sound like an idiot.**

"...Hi." *My Voice! Please come out!*

"So...uh...um...do w-weather?" **What is wrong...

I live in Nashville.

Weather is nice here in the Nashville area this weekend. Sunny. A little chilly though so must be a.......draft....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two cops knock on a door.

A little lad opens it, he's about 10. Wearing his dad's dressing gown, a blond on either side of him. Glass of wine in one hand a a cigar in the other.
Cops look at each other and say to the little lad;" is your dad home sunny"?
Little lad replies:"does it fucking look like he is"?

4 Weather Patterns Are In A Race

Sunny gets gold.

Cloudy gets silver.

Snowy gets bronze.

And Rainy gets a precipitation award.

A colonial man is walking through town

A colonial man is walking through town on a very clear and sunny day. Just as he approached the town center he starts falling until he is suddenly stunned by ice cold water. When asked by the town reporter what had happed the man said simply that he couldn’t see that well

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Apollo's penis?

Sunny D.

My muslim neighbors were fighting over their suzuki and nissan cars.

The Ciaz vs Sunny problems are getting out of hand.

A man is in love with a woman who shares the same birthday with him (July 22)

He wanted so badly to impress this woman. But they had nothing in common except for the zodiac sign that they shared, which oddly enough she was named after.

He smoked cigarettes to look cool. Got a job in a nuclear power-plant to sound more interesting. Refused to wear sunscreen on a sunny d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Birds

Mr & Mrs Smith move into semi detached house in country sided. Next door is a widow and her daughter.
One sunny day Mrs Smith invites the pair round for tea.
I am sorry my husband is not here but he is out with his hobby.
"What's that" asks widow , "he's into ornithology" said Mrs Smith...

Today's forecast is going to be....

Partially sunny......

Mad cows

Two cows are standing in a field on a sunny day. The grass sways in waves from the summer breeze; a bumblebee slowly meanders across the meadow. One cow turns to the other.
Cow one: you know, I’m really struggling. I simply can’t shake this anxiety.
Cow two: (looking at his companion with a l...

So it turns out there were these two cats

So it turns out there were these two cats, an English cat called One-Two-Three and a French cat called Un-Deux-Trois. One sunny day in Dover the two cats happened to meet and soon discovered that they had very similar names.

Being cats, they had to determine which was the better cat. They dec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny in creative writing

The teacher start creative writing class by saying, "Today I want you to write a sentence that uses the word 'beautiful' twice".

Susie goes first: "My mom bought me a beautiful dress and I look beautiful in it."

Next, the teacher calls on Mary: "Today is a beautiful sunny day, helping...

The Priest & The Frog...

"One fine sunny morning, the Irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool."

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest."

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fi...

The Ice Cream Truck

On a hot sunny day, the ice cream truck was driving slowly until the driver saw a woman chasing frantically down the sidewalk, screaming "Hey, Wait!"

He stops, parks and opens the window, with a smile.

"What'll it be lady?"

She tries to catch her breath, but she manages to tell ...

Paddy and Murphy go fishing

Paddy and Murphy decide one fine, sunny day to take their boat out and spend the afternoon fishing. For a time, all is well and the weather is calm.

All of a sudden, Paddy and Murphy sail in an absolute unit of a storm, and water begins to pour into the boat.

"Paddy, quick!" cries Murp...

So I think i found a new favorite Resturaunt:

I stopped by this place after work called "Sunny Hills" and I gotta say, it ain't that bad.

The menu seems to be all soft easily malleable food. But who doesn't love Custard?

The place is full of senior citizens with nary a person under 50 on site, well the waitresses seem to be arou...

A man goes to a restaurant...

Where he seats himself at a table and browses the menu.

After settling on what he wants, he places the order with the waitress.

After his food arrives, he grabs his plate and leaves the restaurant, climbs into his car and drives to the airport.

There, he boards a plane to Nepal,...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.