A gentleman is walking down the sidewalk in Liverpool, England on a windy day....

A gentleman is walking down the sidewalk in Liverpool, England on a windy day. It's extremely blustery and everything is blowing around.

He approaches a woman walking the other way who is struggling in the wind. All of a sudden, her skirt blows up! It turns upward, covering her face. The woma...

Three old men are sitting on a park bench. The first says "Windy, innit?".

The second says "No. Thursdy.".

The third says "Me too. Let's go for a pint.".

Why is it so windy in swing states?

Because blue states suck, and red states blow.

One rainy, windy night, a man was walking home alone, down a dark, deserted street that ran right by the local cemetery.

As he passed the gates, he heard a bump in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace. But, the bumping noise continued behind him.He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side -

...

What do you call a bald man on a windy day?

Fortunate.

3 men, hard of hearing: "Its Windy out, isn't it?"

"No, it's Thursday", responds the second; to which the third replies "Me too, let's go grab a beer".

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A guy had a girlfriend named Windy. He had tattooed her name on his dick.

So, he goes to a bar one day and visits toilet to pee. There's a black guy in next Urinal. He unintentionally peeks at black guy's dick.

He sees that black guy also has a tattoo on his dick that reads 'Windy'. The guy is shocked.

Hey, look I also have tattooed Windy on my dick. I...

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A man asks his hunter friend to take him on a trip

It's a rather cold and windy day so the man asks his friend: "How do you bear this freezing cold?"
His friend replies: "I just take one of these." and hands him a flask of whiskey.The wind gets stronger and still nothing to shoot in sight, so they help themselves out to a couple of more shots. ...

I hate windy weather

It really blows

Why is the football stadium so windy?

Because of all the fans

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A man's car breaks down in Tibet..

A man's car breaks down in Tibet, and wouldn't you know it? His phone gets no service. So he walks up a long windy road to a huge monastery at the top of the hill. He knocks at the reinforced double doors and a Tibetan monk after some minutes finally opens.

"My car broke down. Do you...

Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench.

Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"

Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."

Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer."

Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?

All those fans

Why is Oklahoma so windy?

Because Kansas sucks, and Texas blows

It's mad windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere

So watch out for your ex.

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A letter from an Irish mother

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.

You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 2...

Three old men, hard of hearing

Three old men, hard of hearing, are waiting at a bus stop on a hill, it’s winter time.
The first man goes as he’s shivering “brrrr, it’s windy”!
The second one responds “it’s not Wednesday, it’s Thursday”,
And the third man says “I’m thirsty too, let’s go grab a beer”!

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My favorite joke

Two guys are drinking in the restaurant atop the Space Needle on a windy day.

Man 1: You... You know... When it is this windy, you can jump off the edge, and the wind will blow you back on.

Man 2: Bull.

Man 1: No man, I'm telling you. The wind just blows you back on. Here, let ...

Got this joke off of a yogurt pack... Why are football stadiums so windy?

'This is not labelled for individual sales'


I know, I dont get it either...

Why is it so windy in England?

Because Harry Kane lives there.

I was planning on taking my little girls to the start of summer village fair today, but its raining, windy and cold so we decided not to go.

May weather won.

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An elderly woman bought a parrot.

An elderly woman bought a parrot. She asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays.
The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there.
She bought the parrot and the next week put him on her shoulder and went off...

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A drunk Scotsman stumbles out of a pub on a windy Saturday night...

...halfway home he passes out on the street, and a gust blows his kilt up, exposing his privates.

Next morning a flock of little old ladies are on their way to church. They see him in all his indecent glory and are aghast. The bravest one pulls a length of blue ribbon from her purse, tent...

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There's a bar on top of a really, really tall building and it's very windy outside.

A guy walks into the bar and has some drinks and is there for a few hours.
Another guy comes and sits next to him.
The first guy who has been there for a while looks at the man and says to him, "You know that there is a nice breeze outside and if you jump out it will blow you right back in."<...

Chicago really is the windy city.

After all, they did just win de World Series

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

John leaves the tent where he is with his girlfriend in the campsite late in the evening.

- John, where you go?

- I’m going to pee outside. Be right back!

Two minutes later when he sits next to his girlfriend:

- John! It’s raining?

- Nah! Just a lil bit windy!

Do you know what Sin City is?

Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?


Person 2: Las Vegas


Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?


Person 2: Chicago


Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?


Person 2: ...


Person 1: Mass over volume

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. ...

A Lufthansa pilot...

...landed his AirBus A320 at London's Heathrow Airport. An operations manager saw him deplaning and asked him if he had any trouble landing the plane since it was a bit windy.

"Nein," the pilot answered, "I let Otto land the plane."

"Otto? Is that your co-pilot?"

"Nein, my co-p...

Three old friends are walking on a beach, when one turns slightly to the group and says:

„It‘s windy today!“

„No, it‘s Thursday!“ replies the one walking in the middle, looking a bit confused.

„So am I! Let‘s have a beer.“ adds the third one

What is a brush fire’s favorite place to eat?

Windy’s



I apologize. I’m from California.

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Three guys are walking down a street ...

A rich man, middle class man and a unemployed man are walking down a very windy street with their wives. A strong gust of wind causes the skirts of the wives to rise up and their husbands notice none of the women were wearing any panties.


The rich man turns to his wife and asks her why s...

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Diary of an Englishman after he moves to South Africa....

**August 1**: Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Phalaborwa, Limpopo, South Africa. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally fo...

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A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

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Three Old Prostitutes

Three old prostitutes were sitting around the nursing home, chatting about the old days. The subject of their first trick comes up:

First prostitute: My first trick was a police officer, and he was the best lover I ever had.

Second prostitute: My first trick was a fireman, and he wa...

A Bunny Story..

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunn...

Whenever the wind gets bad...

I think to myself, "It may be windy but at least its not sandy."

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over to talk to you?

Me: Because it would be too windy if you didn’t?

Two friends are traveling through a deafening storm

"SURE IS WINDY TODAY!"

"IT'S THURSDAY!"

"ME TOO! I THINK THERE'S A BAR JUST UP THE ROAD!"

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A guy walks into a lounge on the top floor of a hotel ...

... sits next to a local, and orders a drink. The local says "Never seen you around here before - you staying at the hotel?"

"Yes, just here for a couple of days on business."

"Ah, so you don't know about this hotel on windy days like this do you?" the local said.

"Gee, no. What...

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Elderly woman wants a pet to keep her company

so she goes to the pet store to get a new friend.

She tells the shopkeeper she would like something she can talk to and possibly bring to church with her, and he suggests a parrot.

She agrees and the next day brings the parrot to church with her.

In the middle of the service, th...

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Two prostitutes are waiting by the corner

...for a client, on a cool and windy night.
The first one says with a sense of optimism, "I am sure that the wait is gonna end soon. I can sense a dick close by. I can smell it. I can *smell* it".
To which the second one responds with a smile, "No silly.. I just burped"

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More 83 YO dad funnies.

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree
when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a new...

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A lonely old woman goes to a pet store to find a companion...

A lonely old woman goes to the pet store with the hopes of finding a pet to keep her company.

&nbsp;

The store owner says "I have just the thing for you! We have a parrot that I think would be the perfect fit. He speaks over 500 words." The old woman is elated, buys the parrot, and...

Stable bulls

One for the old folks...

Along the coast in California, there is a large dairy herds that graze the hillsides. The sun and the rain produce wonderful pastureland. The best eating was at the tops of the hills, but when the ocean breezes turn to gales, the cows are often blown right off their f...

Stop laughing, we are all SENIORS !!!!

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

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A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but ...

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What an asshole

One windy late night in Chicago, in the top of a high-rise building, was a bar. This bar had windows all around. The only people there were the bartender and one customer.

A man walks in, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The first customer says to him, "I bet you $100 that I can ju...

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day....

One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

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