Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

If global warming is not real, why does...

the number of hot singles in my area keep increasing?

When I meet women, I immediately start talking about global warming.

It's a real icebreaker.

Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did

If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"

Over heard my flat earth believing friend talking about global warming..

I told him to make up his mind.

What do flat-earthers call global warming?

Toast

I watched a movie about the dangers of global warming.

Pretty good but it had an anticlimatic ending.

What do they call the line of code in the computer program that tracks global warming trends?

The Al-Gore-ithm

What did the Swiss mountaineer say when he got to a mountain where global warming was reversing itself?

Let's go climate!

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

Did you know global warming is reducing terrorism?

The ISIS melting.

What if this whole Global Warming thing doesn't happen?

Boy, will that be anticlimatic!

I would tell a joke about global warming

But it's just not cool enough to say

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found some global warming porn on my son's computer.

He didn't even put it in the recycle bin.

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

We should stop global warming.

Club Penguin was shut down because of it.

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.

If I were from the Netherlands, I'd start getting worried about global warming...

After all, Nomorelands is not that cool of a name

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to solve Global Warming:

Convince republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.

You gotta wonder if after all this global warming talk

If someone in a factory somewhere around the world in a straw factory will say

That's it. That's the last straw

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

I’m not saying global warming is real...

But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!

Trump said global warming was a hoax and he could easily make temperatures "the lowest ever recorded" this summer.

So he switched the US to Celsius.

Maybe it's not global warming.

**Maybe it's just planetary menopause**

First we had an ice age, now there is global warming.

It's almost as if the Earth is bipolar.

Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming?

Nuclear winter

How did i know for sure global warming was real?

On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.

Donald Trump DOES have a plan to combat global warming!

He's putting ICE everywhere!

what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?

Trump likes to pretend they don't exist

Trump Keeps claiming that climate change is a hoax and that his administration has done the most for global warming, and that the USA is getting colder

But that’s because he doesn’t understand what the media means when they say:

“Donald Trump is the most **Polarizing** President America has had since Nixon.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

You can’t really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He’s permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

When meeting someone new, start with a conversation about global warming...

It's breaking the ice.

Batman: "Alfred, why do people deny global warming?"

Alfred: "Some men just want to watch the world burn."

Did you know that global warming is making students do worse?

Because all I've heard is that C levels are rising.

Me: Did you know that the fish in Egypt dont believe in global warming?

Friend: ....
Me: Yeah, they're in Da Nile

Once this whole "global warming thing" melts the ice caps

We're gonna have a canoe world order.

There is no solid evidence of global warming...

...it all melted.

We have a valid potential solution for global warming.

Nuclear winter.

Thanks to global warming, Inuit women are being forced to wear less and less clothing.

*No ice.*

I heard about global warming...

So now I leave my air conditioner on all the time. I know just one individual can't save the planet, but I do my best.

Nobody cares about global warming..

Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.

Scientists have reversed Global Warming!

Get rekt, Sun!

Republicans were just informed about the effects of Global Warming on the polar ice caps

They're losing their cool!

Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger...

...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

President Obama is doubling down on fighting global warming

He's already sent three battalions of Marines to invade the Sun.

Walking out to my truck today, in texas, I can’t help but think,

Joe Biden has really over done it with his global warming plan.

A 15 year old boy saves the world.

A 15 year old boy makes a fresh new campaign to save the world from global warming. The movement is a huge success, with almost 100% of rubbish removed from the oceans, and succeeding in righting lumberjacks' and factory owners' ways, cutting down greenhouse gas emmision and forest cutting by around...

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

I used to not believe in climate change

But around October I started supporting global warming

How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the Reindeer drowned.

What do anti-vaxxers do at Covid-19 funerals?

Stare at the ceiling.
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**Thank you** /u/JustNick4 for giving this joke the extremely desirable **Evil Cackle Award**. I've never won an Evil Cackle Award before, so as you can imagine, I'm over the moon. I'm going to put it in the candy bowl every Halloween for the neighbor kids ...

Why is it becoming easier to make friend?

Cause global warming already broke the ice

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

A man walks into a bar....

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink. The bartender is a robot. The robot serves the man his drink and asks the man "What is your IQ?" The man says "150." The robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming, nanotechnology, and quantam physics. The man is very impressed and decides to ...

Tis' the Treason

Santa: "Please help. Global Warming has put my shop under water. My elves are crossing the boarder for refuge"

Trump: " Don't worry Santy, I'm sending ICE"

Using Microsoft Word

**moves image 1mm to the right**

4 new pages appear.

Global warming.

Alien invasion.

Armageddon.

What's worse than infected soil in the greenhouse?

A global warming denier in the White House.

What's more concerning than a text saying 'We need to talk...'

Global warming

Yo mama so fat...

her farts cause global warming!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to talk to a congressman

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Argument With A Climate Change Denier

The denier goes, “How can global warming be real if it’s 20 degrees here?”

I say to him, “Saying Climate Change isn’t real because it’s cold where you live is like saying smart people don’t exist because you’re a fucking idiot!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Angry Notes" Courtesy of Saurabh on Fropki.com

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

D...

An environmentalist and a lumberjack are having a discussion on women.

They both are having a tough time talking to women, so they decide to offer each other advice.

Environmentalist: "So what's your best pickup line?"

Lumberjack: "It's more of a steel cable I tie to my truck to haul logs"

Environmentalist: "No I mean what do you first say to them?...

So I was walking down the street one day, when an oddly dressed man caught my attention.

He was wearing a long, white, clinical robe and shouting at nearly everybody that came within his proximity. Having foolishly stopped out of curiosity he approached me. “Global Warming is having a drastic effect on the globes axis!”, he yelped. “The rotation of the Earth is speeding up dramatically,...

Donald Trump is such a good salesman he could sell ice to the Eskimos.

Which will come in handy considering his policies on global warming.

I think we can get Republicans on board with climate change initiatives if we just focus on consequences that mean something to them.

I've read that polar ice is melting causing polar bears to migrate south.  They've actually started sharing habitat with grizzly bears and are even interbreeding with them. Now if there's one thing Republicans hate more than science it's interracial marriage. So all we need to do is let them know th...

Santa probably regrets giving coal

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

Topical Jokes (5/20)

Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.

Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit...

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