Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

If global warming is not real, why does...

the number of hot singles in my area keep increasing?

When I meet women, I immediately start talking about global warming.

It's a real icebreaker.

Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did

What do flat-earthers call global warming?

Toast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking passionately about the things I love! She just had to interrupt me to talk about global warming and some shit

such an anticlimactic thing to say

Over heard my flat earth believing friend talking about global warming..

I told him to make up his mind.

Why did humanity fail to stop global warming?

It was too polarizing

Global warming doesn’t exist

This subreddit is the only place it’s appropriate to say that.

If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

What did the Swiss mountaineer say when he got to a mountain where global warming was reversing itself?

Let's go climate!

I would tell a joke about global warming

But it's just not cool enough to say

I watched a movie about the dangers of global warming.

Pretty good but it had an anticlimatic ending.

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

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Found some global warming porn on my son's computer.

He didn't even put it in the recycle bin.

Did you know global warming is reducing terrorism?

The ISIS melting.

Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

What's a flat earther's solution to global warming?

Blow the C02 off the edge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to solve Global Warming:

Convince republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.

You gotta wonder if after all this global warming talk

If someone in a factory somewhere around the world in a straw factory will say

That's it. That's the last straw

How did i know for sure global warming was real?

On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.

What if this whole Global Warming thing doesn't happen?

Boy, will that be anticlimatic!

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?

Trump likes to pretend they don't exist

Donald Trump DOES have a plan to combat global warming!

He's putting ICE everywhere!

I’m not saying global warming is real...

But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me:*watches argument about global warming*

Also me: *oh shit thing are getting heated*

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.

Maybe it's not global warming.

**Maybe it's just planetary menopause**

First we had an ice age, now there is global warming.

It's almost as if the Earth is bipolar.

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What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

If I were from the Netherlands, I'd start getting worried about global warming...

After all, Nomorelands is not that cool of a name

Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming?

Nuclear winter

Trump said global warming was a hoax and he could easily make temperatures "the lowest ever recorded" this summer.

So he switched the US to Celsius.

When meeting someone new, start with a conversation about global warming...

It's breaking the ice.

Batman: "Alfred, why do people deny global warming?"

Alfred: "Some men just want to watch the world burn."

If the US has a heated debate over global warming that polarizes the nation

desn't that mean problem solved?

Once this whole "global warming thing" melts the ice caps

We're gonna have a canoe world order.

There is no solid evidence of global warming...

...it all melted.

Thanks to global warming, Inuit women are being forced to wear less and less clothing.

*No ice.*

Trump Keeps claiming that climate change is a hoax and that his administration has done the most for global warming, and that the USA is getting colder

But that’s because he doesn’t understand what the media means when they say:

“Donald Trump is the most **Polarizing** President America has had since Nixon.”

You can’t really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He’s permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

Did you know that global warming is making students do worse?

Because all I've heard is that C levels are rising.

How do you program global warming?

using an Al-Gore-ithm

I heard about global warming...

So now I leave my air conditioner on all the time. I know just one individual can't save the planet, but I do my best.

Scientists have reversed Global Warming!

Get rekt, Sun!

Nobody cares about global warming..

Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.

Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger...

...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.

Republicans were just informed about the effects of Global Warming on the polar ice caps

They're losing their cool!

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

Yo mama so fat...

her farts cause global warming!

President Obama is doubling down on fighting global warming

He's already sent three battalions of Marines to invade the Sun.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.

He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressma...

Ending it all

Brad was sick of the World, of Covid-19, those who hate China, global warming, species extinction, racial tension and all the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy the media headlines.

Brad drove his car into his garage at home, carefully sealed up around the windows and doorways of his ...

In 2024 Al Gore decided to run for president again.

His campaign hinged on a song he made to promote the dangers of global warming. It was so popular it became a meme.

After a while, everyone was talking about Al Gore, and, sure enough he became President.

When asked on the News, "How do you think he won," two fallen YouTubers stated, "...

Walking out to my truck today, in texas, I can’t help but think,

Joe Biden has really over done it with his global warming plan.

How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the Reindeer drowned.

Felt Cute...

Global warming will delete everything later...

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

A man walks into a bar....

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink. The bartender is a robot. The robot serves the man his drink and asks the man "What is your IQ?" The man says "150." The robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming, nanotechnology, and quantam physics. The man is very impressed and decides to ...

I used to not believe in climate change

But around October I started supporting global warming

Using Microsoft Word

**moves image 1mm to the right**

4 new pages appear.

Global warming.

Alien invasion.

Armageddon.

Tis' the Treason

Santa: "Please help. Global Warming has put my shop under water. My elves are crossing the boarder for refuge"

Trump: " Don't worry Santy, I'm sending ICE"

What's worse than infected soil in the greenhouse?

A global warming denier in the White House.

An environmentalist and a lumberjack are having a discussion on women.

They both are having a tough time talking to women, so they decide to offer each other advice.

Environmentalist: "So what's your best pickup line?"

Lumberjack: "It's more of a steel cable I tie to my truck to haul logs"

Environmentalist: "No I mean what do you first say to them?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Argument With A Climate Change Denier

The denier goes, “How can global warming be real if it’s 20 degrees here?”

I say to him, “Saying Climate Change isn’t real because it’s cold where you live is like saying smart people don’t exist because you’re a fucking idiot!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer and a scientist walk into a dive bar....

Smiling, happy, the engineer says, "Bartender, shots for everyone!"

The bartender leans in, confused, "I can tell you're not from around here. Are you sure you want to buy these people drinks?"

The scientist retorts with, "Make 'em doubles!"

The bartender deploys the drinks to e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Angry Notes" Courtesy of Saurabh on Fropki.com

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

D...

Santa probably regrets giving coal

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

Donald Trump is such a good salesman he could sell ice to the Eskimos.

Which will come in handy considering his policies on global warming.

I think we can get Republicans on board with climate change initiatives if we just focus on consequences that mean something to them.

I've read that polar ice is melting causing polar bears to migrate south.  They've actually started sharing habitat with grizzly bears and are even interbreeding with them. Now if there's one thing Republicans hate more than science it's interracial marriage. So all we need to do is let them know th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man attended a protest against fossil fuels...

And got six global warming shots in his back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

Topical Jokes (5/20)

Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.

Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit...

Trump is supporting the minorities

The minority of scientists that disbelieve global warming.

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