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Global Warming Jokes

Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.
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Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did
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We should all stop studying to prevent global warming

Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.
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If global warming is not real, why does...

the number of hot singles in my area keep increasing?
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I would tell a joke about global warming

But it's just not cool enough to say
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What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
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What do flat-earthers call global warming?

Toast
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Elon Musk organized a press conference about his project to solve global warming

"I will build giant sunglasses"

Journalist raises her hand. "How does that stop the earth from warming up?"

"It makes it cool"
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Global warming can reduce terrorism

because the isis melting.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

If you don't know what to talk about on a first date try mentioning Global Warming.

It's a huge icebreaker.
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Did you hear Hansel from Zoolander is an activist for Global Warming now?

He teamed up with Greta Thunberg. Their movement is called “Hansel & Greta: So Hot Right Now”
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I have a solution to global warming!

Nuclear winter.
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How did i know for sure global warming was real?

On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

Over heard my flat earth believing friend talking about global warming..

I told him to make up his mind.
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I watched a movie about the dangers of global warming.

Pretty good but it had an anticlimatic ending.
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We should stop global warming.

Club Penguin was shut down because of it.
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Maybe it's not global warming.

**Maybe it's just planetary menopause**
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What if this whole Global Warming thing doesn't happen?

Boy, will that be anticlimatic!
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Found some global warming porn on my son's computer.

He didn't even put it in the recycle bin.

There is no solid evidence of global warming...

...it all melted.
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Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming?

Nuclear winter
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You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.
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I heard about global warming...

So now I leave my air conditioner on all the time. I know just one individual can't save the planet, but I do my best.
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You gotta wonder if after all this global warming talk

If someone in a factory somewhere around the world in a straw factory will say

That's it. That's the last straw
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Global warming doesn’t exist

This subreddit is the only place it’s appropriate to say that.
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If you meet a woman, start talking about global warming.

It’s a real icebreaker.
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Trump is trying to solve global warming

That's why he's trying to create a nuclear winter
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Me:*watches argument about global warming*

Also me: *oh shit thing are getting heated*

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.
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Scientists have reversed Global Warming!

Get rekt, Sun!
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If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"
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According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.
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Yo mama so fat...

her farts cause global warming!
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Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.
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I’m not saying global warming is real...

But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!
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A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.

He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressma...

Donald Trump DOES have a plan to combat global warming!

He's putting ICE everywhere!
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How do you program global warming?

using an Al-Gore-ithm
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When meeting someone new, start with a conversation about global warming...

It's breaking the ice.
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The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
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If I were from the Netherlands, I'd start getting worried about global warming...

After all, Nomorelands is not that cool of a name
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Once this whole "global warming thing" melts the ice caps

We're gonna have a canoe world order.
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How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the Reindeer drowned.
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Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.
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Nobody cares about global warming..

Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.
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You can’t really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He’s permanently surrounded by snowflakes.
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What did the Swiss mountaineer say when he got to a mountain where global warming was reversing itself?

Let's go climate!
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Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger...

...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
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President Obama is doubling down on fighting global warming

He's already sent three battalions of Marines to invade the Sun.
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What's worse than infected soil in the greenhouse?

A global warming denier in the White House.
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what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?

Trump likes to pretend they don't exist
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Did you know that global warming is making students do worse?

Because all I've heard is that C levels are rising.
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The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.
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Why did the Cold War end?

Global warming started.
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Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

Trump said global warming was a hoax and he could easily make temperatures "the lowest ever recorded" this summer.

So he switched the US to Celsius.
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Republicans were just informed about the effects of Global Warming on the polar ice caps

They're losing their cool!
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Trump Keeps claiming that climate change is a hoax and that his administration has done the most for global warming, and that the USA is getting colder

But that’s because he doesn’t understand what the media means when they say:

“Donald Trump is the most **Polarizing** President America has had since Nixon.”
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Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...
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I'm an environmental hipster

I believed in global warming before it was co... nevermind.
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Pegleg Pete the Pirate decided to retire

He fired his crew, ran his ship aground, and built a small cabin for himself just a short walk from the beach. He enjoyed his quiet life until global warming turned his front yard into a swamp. He couldn't get down to the shore without struggling through muck and mud that was once his peaceful stro...
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I used to not believe in climate change

But around October I started supporting global warming
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Thanks to global warming, Inuit women are being forced to wear less and less clothing.

*No ice.*
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What's more concerning than a text saying 'We need to talk...'

Global warming
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Tis' the Treason

Santa: "Please help. Global Warming has put my shop under water. My elves are crossing the boarder for refuge"

Trump: " Don't worry Santy, I'm sending ICE"
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Why is America and Russia participating in a Second Cold war?

Because according to our greatest leaders, this is how you address global warming

Donald Trump is such a good salesman he could sell ice to the Eskimos.

Which will come in handy considering his policies on global warming.
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A black man attended a protest against fossil fuels...

And got six global warming shots in his back.

A man walks into a bar....

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink. The bartender is a robot. The robot serves the man his drink and asks the man "What is your IQ?" The man says "150." The robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming, nanotechnology, and quantam physics. The man is very impressed and decides to ...
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Walking out to my truck today, in texas, I can’t help but think,

Joe Biden has really over done it with his global warming plan.
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Ending it all

Brad was sick of the World, of Covid-19, those who hate China, global warming, species extinction, racial tension and all the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy the media headlines.

Brad drove his car into his garage at home, carefully sealed up around the windows and doorways of his ...
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An environmentalist and a lumberjack are having a discussion on women.

They both are having a tough time talking to women, so they decide to offer each other advice.

Environmentalist: "So what's your best pickup line?"

Lumberjack: "It's more of a steel cable I tie to my truck to haul logs"

Environmentalist: "No I mean what do you first say to them?...
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Santa probably regrets giving coal

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.
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An engineer and a scientist walk into a dive bar....

Smiling, happy, the engineer says, "Bartender, shots for everyone!"

The bartender leans in, confused, "I can tell you're not from around here. Are you sure you want to buy these people drinks?"

The scientist retorts with, "Make 'em doubles!"

The bartender deploys the drinks to e...

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Argument With A Climate Change Denier

The denier goes, “How can global warming be real if it’s 20 degrees here?”

I say to him, “Saying Climate Change isn’t real because it’s cold where you live is like saying smart people don’t exist because you’re a fucking idiot!”

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