A politician visits a remote village to garner some votes. He gathers a group of villagers and ask what problems they face.

One guy says crying "sir, we have not had water for months, our crops are dying, we are suffering"

On hearing this the politician takes out his phone and talks into it. "I want all the fields washed with water poured from helicopters." He puts the phone back in his pocket and asks " Ok, what...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girlfriend says if this gets a thousand up votes she'll let me try anal

please don't her strap on is huge

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

An admiral is touring a submarine

The Captain is with him, showing him the functions and rooms of the submarine. Near the end of the tour when they’re in the operations room, the admiral notices a monitor with “Up 0, Down 0” displayed on it. Perplexed, he asks the captain “What is this monitor’s function?”

“Oh, that’s the tal...

The year is 2024

The year is 2024 and it’s time to decide a new President of the United States. There are three candidates for the American people to choose from: Joe Biden, looking to hold onto the Presidency, Donald Trump, looking to regain it, and Obama in a sombrero and fake moustache calling himself “Juanbama”....

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

My friend Glados said there is cake on my cake day

But all I see is praise and up votes. I'm starting to think the cake is a lie.



Boy it's hot in here too.

Why is Trump so keen to stop counting votes?

His advisers are rushin...

In democracy your vote counts.

But in feudalism, your Count votes.

If you're wondering why its taking so long to count votes in Nevada

They hired pole workers instead of poll workers

On the Sherrifs Wife’s Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Nevada taking so long to count the votes?

When Vegas found out someone was counting they beat the shit out of them and kicked them out.

What does a president who cant get his votes up suffer from?

Electile dysfunction

What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day....

You feel desserted.

If you are wondering how Trump got almost half the votes.

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”




Thank you George Carlin's for the punch line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

Reddit logic.

- Oh I see you made a comment, I'm sorry to inform you it got deleted! You don't have enough karma to make the comment.

= That's fine! How do I make enough karma then?

- You need up votes and rewards on your comments of course!

= ok...? I will make one then and hopefully I get u...

Ok this is a groaner, so I expect down votes...

One night, a man is making his way home from the local. He's had a fair bit to drink, when he hears this thumping noise behind him. Not wanting to get involved in whatever it is, he puts his head down and keeps walking. Minutes later he hears the noise again, behind him and getting louder.
‘Thump...

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