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Ballot Jokes

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler, Salin, and EA were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

EA says "NONSENSE! I've ruined dozens of game franchises. I am the most hated!"

Hitler said "Why don't we hold a vote in hell and see who is the mo...

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What is the difference between 69 and a ballot paper ?

In 69 you have to look at only one asshole.

What do you call an election ballot in mexico?







pick-o-de-guy-o

What do call a haunted ballot box?

A poll-tergeist

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There was a very, very unlucky man with a single testicle.

One day, he went on a plane. Unfortunately, a malfunction occurred. The flight crew announced that the plane was going down and one of the passengers had to be thrown out to reduce weight.

To determine the victim, passengers drew lots, and the unlucky man was chosen. He refused furiously, say...

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[nsfw] I like my ballots like my wife has sex...

Mailing it in and taking forever to come!

Ah, thank you!

My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive.

Why are Trump supporters usually first to the ballot box?

Because they’re always Russian

It's no surprise Nevada is taking so long to count their ballots

Anyone smart enough to count in Vegas gets kicked out and banned for life

The vote for better slides in school playgrounds is on the ballot this year.

Unfortunately, I live in a swing state.

Everyone’s talkin about these mail ballots...

but what about the femail ballots?

Boxes of previously uncounted ballots have been found in Florida

Associated Press is now declaring the State of Florida for Al Gore

Did you hear that Rudy Giuliani has proof of fake ballots and fraud? He says he found a whole stack of 'em.

Yeah, and he's going to be turning them in soon. He just finished printing them, and is waiting for the ink to dry.

Everyone says the other side is the devil, but why wasn't actual Baphometh on the ballot?

Turns out, Spoonerists' "vet out the goat" campaign was a success.

I wanted to put a measure on the ballot that would release all English instructors from prison, but apparently...

**you can't end sentences with a proposition.**

Breaking news: Conspiracy against trump confirmed.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ...

I asked my son when the ballots will be finally counted. His answer?

Neva, da.

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I'm starting to think this election is really sexist

Pundents are constantly going on and on about Male ballots, and I haven't heard a single mention of Female ballots!

These people in Nevada

Seems they can count cards, but not ballots.

I just read some great political news today!...

...Arizona, Georgia and North Carolina have all projected that they will probably have the 2020 ballots counted in time for the 2024 presidential election.

Mr Trump, the American people will be voting soon...what do you think of the ballots ?

"I much prefer faster songs ."

Baby, you must be a rigged election

because I want to stuff your ballot box.

Robert Mugabe, Donald Trump and Boris Johnson are in a crashing aircraft.

The problem is, there's only one parachute. So Boris says, "Look here chaps, we're all democracies. Why don't we just vote on who gets the parachute?" Donald and Boris agree, and, even though they have limited time, they decide on a ballot system.

They all cast their votes, then Robert opens ...

It's pretty sad that even though women have had the right to vote for 100 years now...

we still spend more time talking about mail ballots.

Typical USPS

Never gets your package where it was intended.



PS - Mail absentee ballots, not bombs.

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A sleazy stripper runs for governor

After a controversial ballot, the stripper wins despite never having a lead the whole race. Many people suspect they rigged the erection.

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I often wonder how so many Americans voted for Trump... And then I figured...

They probably all drew a massive cock on their ballot paper.

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

I asked my blonde friend who she voted for.

She said, "I voted for Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

I said, "Why on earth would you do that?"

"On the ballot," she replied, "it said 'Vote Both Sides'"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

voting

Voting is compulsory in Australia. But sometimes politicians complain when people mess up their ballot papers.

Last time I wrote "you fuckers ruined the country" on mine.

Not sure which party will honestly try to claim that vote.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump, Logan Paul and Hitler are having a discussion.

Hitler: “Which one of us do you guys think is the most hated?”

Logan: “I’ve ruined vine and YouTube and made an ass out of not only myself but my fans as well!”

Trump: “I’ve trolled an entire nation to get to this place and now only half of America loves me!”

Hitler: “Alright wh...

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The Election was tied....

The US Presidential election of 2016 had been over for weeks. Every single ballot had been counted and tabulated, the Electoral College had cast their votes, and after every avenue had been exhausted, it was unequivocally a dead heat. Both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton turned to the Supreme Court...

TIL of an odd political problem in Colorado.

Cattle has long been the number one agricultural product of Colorado, but the recent legalization of marijuana is causing significant and unforeseen problems.

Apparently, cows love marijuana as much as people, and cattle ranches and nearby marijuana farms are on the brink of open warfare. Co...

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