On the Sherrifs Wife’s Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for fr...

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I'm planning on starting a strip club....

... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.


I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.


The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".

The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.

Donald Trump is so far behind in the polls...

....it reminds me of the night he won the Presidency.

With the election coming up Tuesday, Exit polls show Donald Trump having a 300 point lead in one state...

Dementia.

Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season?

Because of Germans rushing to the polls!

After viewing the disappointing post-debate polls, Trump asked Kushner how to do better in the following debate.

Jared said,"be positive, spread your positivity, and after all is said and done, try to come across as a patient person"

Why did the Bernie supporter show up to the polling station at 8:30 when the polls had already closed at 8:00?

He didn't know he had to vote bi den.

Me - "Arab countries are so backward, there most of married girls can't even vote on Soacial Media polls without asking their husbands."

Friend - "That's not the truth, there is no such law Arab countries"
Me - "But you need to have a guardian permission to sign up into Social Media if you are less than 13 years old"

Scientists removed the right half of a man's brain...

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine."

The scientists then removed both halves of...

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What do strippers and presidential candidates have in common?

They both go up and down polls

Undefined values are not useful for opinion polls

0 out of 0 statisticians agree.

I met this really hot girl while I was working the polls...

ID'd her real good.

Old Egyptian joke

In Egypt, the election system used to be that people would vote yes or no to the current president to determine wether elections were going to happen or not. The day before the polls everyone would hang signs saying yes to the president. But one man decides to vote no.


Later that night,...

Why are strip clubs closed at night on Nov 3rd?

Because that's when the polls close.

With the current outlook on UK exit polls...

It looks like june is the end of May

President Trump is tough on China!

Every time he reads the Presidential Polls at dinner, he smashes his plates against the wall.

Why don't the polls like Donald Trump?

Because he wants to send them back to Poland

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What’s the difference between Trump and a stripper?

Strippers climb polls.

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What's the difference between a cunt and an asshole?

According to the latest polls, about 4%.

Honestly, I'm just amazed he managed to pull it off.

When he first ran for president, nobody thought he could do it. When he started gaining in the polls, we all "knew" how it would end. But he showed us we were all wrong.

Congratulations to Barack Obama going eight years without being shot.

Once upon a time in ancient Rome...

...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in ques...

Donald Trump has an open position in his cabinet ...

Donald Trump has an open position in his cabinet. There are 3 candidates. A lobbyist, a campaign contributor, and a Mexican. He interviews them one after another.

The lobbyist he asks: What is 1 + 3?

The lobbyist: Puh, that's a hard question, but my cooperation allows me to pay you 50...

Hillary, Trump, and Cruz walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and Ted Cruz walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.

Hillary tells the bartender: "Good evening, my man! Pour me a drink, I'm tired and thirsty from all the campaigning."

Donald Trump then says: "Merry Christmas! I want a drink too."

He then looks clos...

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What do strippers and Hillary Clinton have in common?

They rely too much on polls

CNN is like a strip club...

They keep dancing around all the polls.

They say Trump isn't appealing to minorities...

...but according to the latest polls, he's winning 100% of the Naive American vote

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