My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....

He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voted best joke in ireland

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She...

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.

If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you d...

In high school I was voted Most Likely to Lie About Past Accomplishments.

It’s true...

The house just voted to decriminalize marijuana and Oregon recently decriminalized hard drugs.

It looks like drugs is winning the war on drugs.

Journalist asked Monica Lewinsky for who she voted?....

"I voted for the Republicans, because after the Democrats, I had a bad taste in my mouth!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Loud Snoring At Camp

Four guys were at deer hunting camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Luigi because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Luigi and comes to breakfast the...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

I was voted most artistic in Highschool

I was also voted most dyslexic

Last election, I voted for the party with the red colour

I don’t know why, but the blue party was just one of the most unappealing, disgusting political parties I had ever seen, with the weakest leader ever. The policies they presented were going to basically ruin everything I had.



I voted for Justin Trudeau.

Just this week an American astronaut voted from space...

Too bad her vote doesn't carry the same weight.

The errors 404 and 403 went to vote, 404 voted for Trump.

403 forbidden.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did a sexy but unqualified Japanese woman get voted into public office?

Erections.

When I was in high school, I was always voted "Most Secretive".

I can't tell you how much that meant to me.

For the fifth year in a row, I was voted as the most inarticulate guy by my colleagues at work.

I can’t tell you what that means to me.

Why did the guy who voted for Trump in 2016 switch sides this time?

Because hindsight is 2020

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got voted "Least Likely To Succeed" by my high school class...

Fuck, I hate being a teacher.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the park with my dog and I said to this bloke, "Which way did you vote regarding Brexit?". “I voted to leave" he replied. With that my dog bit him. Later that day, I was down the pub and I asked the landlord the same question and he replied “I voted to remain” and my dog bit him too.

My dog doesn't give a fuck about politics.

Why was Vladimir Putin sad?

No one voted for him in the last election.

Why did the horse get kicked out of the Barnhouse Union?

Because he always voted neigh.

I was voted the worst employee in the nursing home recently.

I don't care.

What do you call a curvy girl who voted for Trump?

Thick with 3 K’s

I voted for Jill Stein

Finally I'm part of the 1%

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

Old man goes to polling place asking if his wife had already voted.

So the old man approaches the polling official and ask if his wife already voted. They ask for her full name and sure enough, she had already voted. He said Oh darn! She died 6 years ago but she keeps voting on every election and I was hoping to see her once again.

Wow I'm shocked for the first time my grandpa voted Democrat!

He never would have done that when he was alive!

If a husband and wife that both voted for Trump get divorced...

Are they still considered cousins?

(heard this at the family Thanksgiving get together today, my apologies if it's not new.. And apologies to Trump fans if it's offensive to you, I thought it was funny)

My family voted on whether we should go to a Burmese or Laotian restaurant...

...we ended up in a Thai

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

The local farmer was voted in as mayor of his town.

The community always found him out-standing in his field.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.