Cd Jokes - 63 Hilarious Cd Jokes

What do you call a drunk, dyslexic CD

Floppy diks

LeAnn Rimes put out a double CD - one was her greatest hits, and the other was her biggest flops.

It was the best of Rimes, it was the worst of Rimes.

An innocent joke I remember from a radio show or CD from about 20 years ago.

A little boy answered the phone one day. The caller, surprised to hear the young voice says, "Hi, is your mommy or daddy home?".

"Mommy is busy."

"Okay, is your daddy home?" The caller asks.

"No, daddy is busy."

"Okay," says the caller. "Is anyone else there?"

"The...

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My Muslim coworker brought a CD version of the Quran to work today.

He got really pissed off when I asked if I could burn a copy.

What do you have if you have NaCl and NiCd?

A salt and battery.

Religious CD (NSFW)

My muslim friend told me had purchased a a copy of the Koran on CD, so I asked him to burn me one.

Then hell broke loose....

The only CD shop near my house sells nothing but old albums.

Guess there’s no hot singles in my area.

I lost my ABBA cd

Where did the disco?

The new X Box Series or PS5 should have a CD stacker installed.

It would be a real game changer

Why did the construction worker buy the Microsoft CD?

To install the windows.

To the person who stole my bag with my antidepressants, my glasses and my Microsoft office CD in.

I hope your happy, I will find you, I have contacts, you have my word.

I bought a CD at a yard sale for 5 cents...

I listened to it at home and it sucked.

I went back to the yard sale and I said "Give me my nickel back!". They said, "We already did."

I lost my pizza cutter so I tried to use an old Rod Stewart CD instead.

It worked all right at first, but the plastic edge got dull right away. The first cut was the deepest.

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What do you call a pansexual man named Nick who works at a cd store?

Pan Nick at the disc co

My girlfriend walked out on me, with my Bob Marley CD and Satellite dish.

Oh well, No Woman No Sky.

If you lose your pizza cutter, use a Bryan Adams CD

It cuts like a knife

Cassette tapes have side A and side B…

… so it’s only logical their successor would be the CD.

You should never roll a pair of CD’s down a hill and see which one reaches the bottom first.

It would be a disk race.

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.

"But you're naked!"...

I went through airport security and the alarm went off

The TSA agent asked if I had any metal on me.

I said hell yeah I do, pulled out a Metallica CD and slammed it on the table.

I was detained and strip searched but it was worth it.

I bought a CD of ice cream van music.

Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..

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My mates Battlefield Galactica CD won't eject from my 320 GB duel processor PlayStation 4... NSFW

Okay now that all the women have skipped this post does anyone know any good porn websites?

Just bought Drakes new single, but I couldn't listen to it because a damn fish jumped and snatched the cd out of my hand

I guess it was cod's plan.

What's a pirates favorite CD?

A CD-R

I played a blank CD at full blast yesterday

...the mimes next door went nuts.

Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest cd,

not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers.

What are some jokes with multiple punchlines? Here is an example what i mean:

A journalist was about to interview a company that advertised 100% chicken meat sausages.
The interviewer asked if the sausages are realy 100% chicken meat.
Company director:"well this is a secret, but for the sausages to remain juicy, we need to add some horse meat"
Interviewer: "Horse mea...

I have the Quran on CD...

People sure are getting upset when I said I burned it.

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad wa...

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise

He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

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A man with 3 girlfriends is trying to figure out which one of them to marry.

There was a man who had 3 girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each 1 $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first 1 went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the m...

Two blondes are at an CD store. One is buying a DVD.

Blonde 1: Oh, what's that DVD about?
Blonde 2: It's how to repair household items!
Blonde 1: What do you need to repair?
Blonde 2: My DVD player

Your mom is like a Nickelback CD

Got a lot of play, but no one will admit to knowing anything about it anymore.

I've been looking everywhere for my U2 CD...

but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I had a Red Hot Chilli Peppers CD for 4 minutes and 43 seconds

After hearing this one track, I decided to give it away give it away give it away now.

So I ordered the Best of Pitbull CD off Amazon.

All I got was a blank CD.

When my mate turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail...

When my mate turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail: UB40

A month later, on my 40th, I received a CD in the mail from him: U2

I don’t have a Police record,

but I do have a Sting CD.

What's Hank Hill's favorite band?

PROPAIN!

I found a cd at a thrift store for a band actually called PROPAIN, made up this joke on the spot (maybe it's old idk) and made myself giggle, so I had to buy it, now I keep it in our minivan and break it out as my favorite dad joke whenever I have someone in it lol

I went to on vacation to Africa to get some local music and almonds.

My friend asked me "what country did you go to and what did you get?"

He got upset, when I answered

"Kenya, CD's, nuts"

There's a band you HAVE to check out

and check out and check out and check out. They're called OCDC.

A Marine Biologist walks into a lab,

She shouts, “I think we found a way for cephalopods to discover fire!”
The other scientist asks, “how.”
She responds with a CD,
“By making them listen to my mixtape!”

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My poem about a heavy metal band's best album is being read on British radio

ABCB on ACDC's ace CD on BBC

A man walks into a music store.

A man walks into a music store to buy a record for his father. As he approaches the counter with his record he notices that the clerk has put out Nickelback CDs next to the register with a tag thats reads "CD special, $0.05 no returns."

The man looks at the clerk and says " $0.05 for a Nickel...

One day a farmer discovers he has a talking horse

So, after talking to it for awhile, the horse decides that it wants to learn how to play guitar. So the farmer does the only logical thing, and buys the horse a guitar. Somehow, the horse learns how to play the guitar, and tours the country on talk shows, concerts, and even meeting the president. Th...

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Me and my friends were playing truth or dare

Then i got to give a dare so i grabbed a unlabeled CD and told my friend to put his dick in it, he did so and asked why, then i said

"This CD contains a movie with a touching story about a old man that loses his wife and best friend so he decides to fly away with his house using balloons but ...

My cat loves to step on my keyboard

Hmckfykfkufjthfidrbsxjhcktsrg chdrgqbg
Ftgangg r Jr temvzdv. If MT c
Bzzca v CD gen dmath

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Best friends???

Frank and Jim, are walking down the street when Jim turns to Frank and says, "Frank, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of that, exactly the same, would you give me one?"

Frank says, "Jim, how long do we go back? ...

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

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Woodcutting contest

Once upon a time, there was a woodcutting contest. The tasks included plank cutting, stacking and all the sham, everything within 1 hour.

The first contestant shows up.
The jury asks 'Where are you from?'
'I come from England.' the contestant proudly replies.
'Indeed, you...

Took my car to the shop.

I kept hearing a high pitched shrieking noise. The mechanic found a Mariah Carey Christmas CD stuck in the CD player.

A man breaks into a home, all the lights are off.

He gets through the window and turns on his flashlight. Out of the dark, a voice says "jesus is watching you"

The thief stops in his tracks, freaks out and turns off the flashlight.

After a few minutes he regains his nerve and starts looking around. When he picked up a CD player to pla...

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Did Queen release a Hip-Hop album in the 70s?

Becauase I keep hearing of a Bohemian Rap-CD

Not the best joke, but i did make it up myself.

Q: Why can you not hook two CD-ROM drives together to create a CD Writer?

A: Because two ROMs don't make a Write.

A monk once explained me the beauty of silence .

I went home and listened to a blank cd on full volume.

I bought Nickelback's greatest hits

And it was just a blank CD.

My doctor advised me for stress reduction to listen to opera music

He gave me a CD. I've been listening all night but I'm not sure if its actually having an effect. It says on the cover the guys name is Placebo Domingo.

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Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

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So there’s this lady, shopping in a grocery store.

She walks over to the produce section and picks out a nice sized cumber, some large carrots, and a decently sized eggplant. As she continues shopping, she picks up a Barry Manilow cd from the $5 discount bin and a few pumpkin spice scented candles. As she heads to the register she grabs her last ite...

Revenge

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson, "How much is the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the sales guy says.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man says...

666 is the Number of the Beast

This from Todd Lewis, who has a great sense of humor.

We all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

* $666.95 - Retail price of the Beast
* $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
* $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all...

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?

Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:

Weight?

Husb...

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

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