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Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

A lame German joke in translation

At the doctors office:


Did you take my advice and sleep with the window open?


Yes, I did.


So, did the cough disappear?


The only thing that's disappeared is my laptop and my smartphone.

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Lost In Translation

Jannik had just arrived to america and could only speaker German, but he was staying with a friend who was teaching him English. After a few days his friend feels he has learned enough and sends Jannik on some errands to test out his English. First Jannik goes to the bakery down the street and order...

Lost In Translation

A Russian While Visiting India Went For An Eye Check Up.

The Dr. Shows The Letters On The Board “CZWXNQSTAZKY” & Asked.

Doctor: “Can You Read This?”

Russian: “Read? I Even Know This Guy. He’s My Cousin.”

Translation of an old Yiddish Joke...

One day in Czarist Russia, a poor old man and his very young daughter were on their way to town. They put all of their possessions in the back of a donkey driven wagon in hopes of selling some of them to make money. As they were traveling, up the road they saw a small group of Cossaks. They braced t...

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

I can't remember the translation of German "wichtig."

I have a feeling it's important, though.

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Lost in translation

Two businessmen travel to Japan for a meeting with some japanese partners. They arrive a few days earlier to adjust to jet lag and all. They spend the day touristing, they go to some good restaurant in the evening and they decide to visit a japanese brothel. So they enjoy themselves watching some po...

Epic Chinese Movie Translation

While on vacation and downloading a DVD copy of War of the Worlds (2005) I laugh so hard from the English subtitle of what I downloaded and it turns out that it was a Pirated copy of the War of the Worlds.

Ray: It's OK...
(Subtitle: Do not fine, you is just fine.)

Rachel: Is Robby...

[Spanish w/ translation] ¿Cual es es la risa más picante?

Ahí Ahí Ahí

Translation: What is the spiciest laugh?
Pepper pepper pepper

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A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara [NSFW]

A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara on a camel. On the third day, the camel dies with little warning.
As they dust themselves off, the nun and priest appraise their situation. After a long silence, the priest states:


'Well, sister, this looks to be pretty serious.'
'I ...

We have this Dutch translation of an American joke

Geert Wilders

Lost in Translation

An Italian guy, a Mexican guy and a Chinese guy are hired to do some construction labor. The Foreman pulls them together and says, “I need you three to move this big pile of sand to the other side of the jobsite.”

He tells the Italian,”You’re in charge of shoveling the sand into the wheelbar...

Did you hear what happened in the Multi-Language Translation Race?

Nobody made it to the Finnish Line.

My wife has decided to adopt a "Feng Shui" approach to our apartment

Which is a Chinese translation of "you no longer get an opinion"

Twenty thousand years into the future...

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo...

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Loose translation of a Polish joke. Wife says to husband ...

Wife says to husband:

- You never take me to a club! Lets go this weekend!
- Naaah.. bad idea.
- Please! You never take me with you!
- Whateva... ok...

They go to the club, the bouncer at the door says:

- Hi Jack!

Wife looks at husband ...

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Slightly adapted for translation

A black guy walks into a gun shop and asks the fellow behind the counter:

-Do you have rifles?

-No.

-Do you have shotguns?

-No.

-Pistols?

-No.

Confused, the black guy exits the shop and realizes the shop has all those items on display. Angered, he r...

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A farmer is milking his cow

This is a translation of a Galician joke, feel free to correct any mistake/awkward phrasing


A farmer is milking his cow, the cow whips him with her tail. -Fuckin' cow! The farmer keeps milking the cow, and the cow keeps whipping him. At the third whip, the farmer is really pissed with th...

NASA was preparing for the Apollo project

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What...

Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke

(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)



The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.

- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.

- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.

- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mi...

A professor teaches his students about Chinese history

Professor: Allright class, let me start off today with a fun fact. During early industrial times, a lot of British engineers went to China to start up new businesses there, because of their low taxation rates. Because of this huge increase in migration, the Chinese government invested in the proper ...

A salesman enters the porch and knocks on the farmhouse door...

... Little Timmy answers the door by sliding it slowly open, inspecting the salesman standing tall with his briefcase.

- hello there kiddo, may I speak to your father? The man asked little Timmy.

Timmy swiftly replies before cleaning his running nose with his sleeve. "sorry my dad got...

Jesus is on the cross and...

He shouts “Peter, Peter!”

Peter hears him from 200m away and starts making his way through the crowd and soldiers. At 150m a Roman soldier slashes his right arm off but Peter keeps going determined saying “I am coming master!”

Jesus shouts again “Peter, Peter!”

Peter, now with o...

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A theologician went to an isolated tribe...

The isolated Tiktik tribe living in the middle of the Borneo jungle had recently come into contact with the outside world. A theologician from a Christian university was sent to the Tiktiks to spread the word of the Bible. The Tiktik chief had quickly learned the English language after first contact...

The trouble with translating jokes is...

Many jokes rely on clever wordplay, which can get lost in translation!


(What? That always gets a laugh when I tell it in Basque.)

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Young cupple got married

On the morning the husbent says

I have one condition:

I eat 3 times a day in the morning at 7 am I want breakfast to be served either I'm here or not I want it to be served


At noon I want lunch at 12am to be served either I'm here or not


And I also want dinner to...

A British Gentleman visits India..

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, "Who mad...

War Games

Soldiers from 3 different nations, the US, UK, and China, were tasked with guarding a secret artifact in the middle of nowhere. But since it was a secret, and it was in the middle of nowhere, there really was no need to guard it as no one would be coming to steal it.

Bored out of their minds,...

How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a qui...

I was in a small city in Israel...

and I met this gorgeous woman. Truly beautiful. We had a crazy night of drinking, and passion, and maybe even love, but she was gone in the morning, and I had to go back home. I couldn't even remember her name, only the translation she'd given me into English. "A length of time." It was a dumb thing...

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,

... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."

[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

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NSFW A woman was lying on the beach one day...

When suddenly a bee flies into her vagina.
Scared as she was, she went to the doctors office and received a male doctor in the urgent matters.
She explained her problem to him. He said there was nothing to worry about.

"Just go home and put some honey on your husbands dick, and ask him ...

What weighs 100 pounds in the morning, one ton in the afternoon, and 2 pounds at night?

A Portuguese man's wife.


"Do the laundry you witch!" he yells at her in the morning.

"Wash the dishes you cow!" he yells at her in the afternoon.

"Come to bed my little dove," he whispers to her at night.


Translation might be slightly off as it's an old Brasilian ...

A guide to effective academic communication

Academic phrases and their translations

==================================

* It has long been known = I haven't bothered to look up the reference


* It is believed = I think


* It is generally believed = A couple of other guys think so too


* It is n...

Guy goes to prison

He has heard lots of stories so he always tries to shower only when noone else is around. This goes quite well for a couple of days.

Then one day, he drops the soap while showering. He timidly looks everywhere before bending over to make sure noone is around. Once he gets a hold of the soap t...

New shoes in Soviet Russia

Comrades Evgeny and Aleksander are old-time friends. One day Evgeny meets Aleksander in the street and tells him excitedly that a new batch of shoes has finally become available to purchase as part of the current five-year plan! He knows Aleksander badly needs new shoes, his only pair are worn from ...

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.

I wish I could speak to dogs...

but it's okay because all I would get is a ruff translation

A man is drowning near a beach

A small boat approaches, and a man asked :" Do you need help?".
The other answer: " No, God will save us." .
So the boat go away, but they have remorse, so they come back and ask once again. But the answer was the same.
This happens once more, before the boat go away for good.
Then the ...

On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.


The woman ignores him.


*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*


The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the ...

An Irishman marooned on a desert island frees a genie

A Scotsman, an Englishman, and Irishman (Paddy, of course) survived a plane crash, and were washed ashore on a desert island.

They were there for years, and became quite emaciated, with the lack of food.

One day a bottle washes up on the shore. They all look at it, and Paddy rubs it to...

The curious monk

A monk in an ancient monastery is doing his daily work, transcribing and recopying the ancient scrolls and scriptures of his tradition that his predecessors wrote, which they copied from their ancestors texts and so on....

The curious monk begins to wonder if in the endless sequence of copyin...

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Setting the ground rules of a happy marriage

After the wedding, the groom sits down his bride and goes, "I just need to tell you three things. Every Wednesday night, come sun, rain or snow, we play football with the lads. Ok?"

"Yes", replied the bride.

"Every Saturday night, me and the lads go out drinking. Regardless whether yo...

An old Turkish joke

In a muslim village people were praying in a mosque when suddenly a man with a knife in his hand rushes in and says "i need a muslim man" People were looking at each other and an old man gets up and leaves with the man.

They go to his home and the man says "im going to sacrifice this sheep b...

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24 hour Pharmacy gets a call at midnight..(russian joke)

This a translation of an old russian joke that i heard as a kid, hope you like it:

A 24 hour pharmacy gets a call at midnight. The caller asks whether they have tampons in store. Yes answers the pharmacist, we have plenty of tampons. Well then shove them in your ass, says the caller and hangs...

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I had a Japanese joke about Bill Murray and Scarlett Johanssen

But the punchline is lost in translation.

An American businessman . . .

. . . travels to Mexico on a company-paid trip for a little R&R. One of the nights he and his co-workers hit the local bar, where he order the tilapa fish tacos, and the man swears these are the best tacos he's ever had in his life. He gets an idea and demands to see the chef, who turns out to b...

The Thin Swiss Wire

A crew of Swiss engineerers was tasked by their government to create a wire as thin as possible. The project took months, years to finish, but at last, they succeeded. They produced a piece of extremely thin wire. It was so thin that they could not even measure how thin it actually was. Not only tha...

A mud joke

(This is a translation from a french joke and my translation skill isn't great. I Hope it still makes someone laugh)

A woman who is feeling very ill goes to the doctor.
After a long examination, the doctor says "You seem to have a very serious disease, and I don't think I can do anyt...

I am digging old jokes from my hdd: 1. Hospital

>hey guys, seeing this subreddit full of repost jokes make me want to dig old jokes i saved in my laptop. these are mostly in my native language, so forgive me with bad translation.

Hospital

A father asked the doctor in a mental hospital, "Doctor, how do doctors know someone is not ...

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Impressing a date.

After weeks of trying everything he could think of accountant Frank Lester finally got the beautiful new secretary, Amanda, to agree to go out on a date with him. In an effort to impress the young woman Frank spared no expense: he hired a driver, wore his best suit, and managed to get reservations a...

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This joke was recently voted best in Finland.

It's a pretty new and modern one, but it's still funny:

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with teams of 8. Both teams trained hard and long. On the day of the competition, both teams thought themselves to be in top condition, but the Japanese wo...

Summer Essay

Rough translation from Russian, so bear with me.

First day of class and all the students are assigned to write an essay about what they did during summer.

Johnny looks at his friend Bobby and says, "What are we going to write about? We did nothing but smoke plant all summer and we cer...

Interview

p.s: sorry about my english im not an native english speaker, this is the translation from my country joke (indonesia)

A woman came to a job interview. Then the interviewer says: "You have 2 choices, do you prefer me to ask you 10 easy questions, or 1 difficult question?"

After thinki...

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars.

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars. When they reach the Martian surface they see a beautiful red-skinned, red-haired woman. Using their language-translation machine, they tell her they are from Earth. They see she is stirring a big pot, and every now and then she pulls a newborn baby from ...

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

I need a joke in to tell my Hispanic manager!

I tried telling my boss a corny joke but he said he didn't get it because it was too 'American'(his words not mine). So i told him I'd find a joke in Spanish and try telling him it. I want to make my boss laugh so help me out guys! So if you know any work friendly jokes in Spanish post them here ...

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Three men were shipwrecked and washed up onto a tropical island...

After the first night the men woke up in the morning and were surrounded by a native tribe of the island.

Not being able to understand the language the men believed they were being rescued by the tribe.

They returned to the tribes village and quickly learned that tribe was cannibalis...

Someone else

Once upon a time there was a rich 80 year old man who had a smoking hot wife 50 years younger than him. So one day the old man was walking in the pavement and smiling. A friend of him saw the old man and asked why he is so happy, the old man answered " Im about to be a father! My wife is pregnant."<...

A man is playing golf.

The first hit he lands on the ball sends it flying into the nearby bushes. He swears and goes to retrieve the ball. After another hit, the ball ends up in the sand pit. "God damn it," says the man grudgingly.

The local pastor, who was taking a stroll nearby, said to him: "Son, you shan't men...

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Two Policemen with a Dog are standing outside of a Pub.

A drunk guy comes out of the pub, lifts the dogs tail and looks at it. Than he just shakes his head and leaves.
After a few minutes another guy comes out and does the same thing.
The Policemen just wonder and say nothing.
When a third guy looks at the dog in this way, they stop him and ask ...

Silly Billy

(Its a translation of a popular joke from my country. My English is a bit rusty. )

So Silly Billy was driving and he had a door on the roof of his car. A Police Officer pulled him over.

Police Officer - Where are you taking this door?

Billy - Oh, I am taking it to the locksmith....

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Old but gold

Slightly old joke about Bill Clinton and former Serbian would be dictator, Slobodan Milosevic
(In a word for word translation to English, his name means: Freeman Gentlefuck)
Anyway, here is actual joke:

Milosevic goes to visit White House during Clinton's presidency.
He participate...

A joke from Pakistan: What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

"I'm going to be the mother of your children."

I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Two Monks Are Copying Ancient Texts

One of the monks begins to wonder, what if the original texts had entirely different meanings because of other monks' mistakes in their translations over the years? They decide to go find some of the original texts and find out.

One of the monks ventures into the catacombs to find one of the ...

Seasonal joke I wrote (in Spanish)

I'm a native English speaker, and I wrote this joke while on vacation in Mexico at Christmas time:
I have no idea how to do accents - My Spanish is pretty much just spoken...
Que dijo la persona que estaba callendo de un edificio muy muy alto en diciembre?
Feliz gravidad!
(Translation: W...

A Buddhist monk turns to the Dalai Lama for an answer.

A Buddhist monk was pondering what is the difference between a woman and a pearl, but couldn't figure it out. He gave up and decided to ask the Dalai Lama.

"Hmm, interensting question, young grasshopper - said the Dalai Lama. I do not know, but if you give me three days to meditate on this, ...

An Italian, an Egyptian and a Greek...

...were fighting over whose ancestors had the most advanced civilization.

The Romans were the most advanced said the Italian. And I'm going to prove it to you. Here's a photograph
from a recent excavation site under the Colloseum. What do you see?

The Egyptian and the Greek after st...

Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?

Rough translation from Spanish:

Child:Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?

Mother: With how drunk I was that night it's a miracle you don't bark!

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Another set of Jewish mom jokes

Seeing how my first post had a ~~huuuuge~~ kinda moderate success, here's another set.

Because it seems americains are not aware of the jewish mom stereotype, here is a rough translation of the French Wiki :

> The typical traits of the jewish mom include :
>
> * An exces...

Reporters interview people in the country side

Sorry for the half bad translation.

Some reporters went to a village to make a documentary about how John is spending the day.
They asked him to tell everything he does during the day.
- Well, i wake up in the morning and i drink a shot of whiskey.
- Wait, man. I don't think it's bet...

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Vacation in the alps

This is a translation/version of a joke from a Swedish movie. I take no credit in its creation.
A Swedish family of four is on vacation in the Austrian alps. The mother is in a gift-shop when her daughter bursts in.
>- Mom! Mom! Dad's in the hospital with a broken arm, a cracked rib and a b...

A message to the people of the Moon

In 1968, NASA was testing equipment to be used for Moon missions. They went to the Arizona desert to perform their tests.

While tests were in progress, an old Chief approached a NASA engineer to ask questions through his grandson, acting as interpreter.

"The Chief wants to know what ex...

A priest & a driver arrives at heaven's gate, guarded by St. Peter.

Upon arrival at heaven's gate, St. Peters asks which one of the two is the driver, and the driver replied "Me!".

"Alright, come on in to heaven."

The priest asks "How about me?"

"Well, the reason why I'm not letting you in is that, when you're preaching all your followers are a...

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