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Vegans Jokes

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Why don't vegans moan during sex?

They don't want anyone to know they are satisfied with a piece of meat.

Why do vegans often look miserable in photos?

They don’t like to say ‘cheese’

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I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.

At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

Vegans will be the first to invent intergalactic travel

Imagine living in the Milky Way

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

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I couldn’t give a shit about what vegans eat. Cannibals on the other hand...

WHERE’S MY OTHER FUCKING HAND?

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Vegans masturbating

When vegans with penises masturbate, do they call it ‘beating their vegetable’?

2 vegans get in a fight

Is it still beef

Vegans proven wrong again

If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?

Check mate vegans

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if two vegans get pissed at each other, is it still called beef?

No, because it's beyond meat

People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it.

I've never had a beef with one.

Vegans say whoever sells meat is disgusting, well

i say people who sell vegetables are grocer.

Vegans again....

Vegan: 'That chicken had a family!'

Me: That's why I ordered the family size bucket. No one gets left behind!

Plus, I got free cole slaw.

Vegans who drink water disgust me.

That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage.

What do vegans get instead of bird flu?

Toflu

Why are vegans and lawyers the same?

Because everyday they wake up and try to convince everyone that they are right

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What’s the difference between vegans and strippers?

Vegans rub it in your face for free.

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remebered vegans feed off of attention.

When vegans get into an argument is it still called beef?

I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate.

They call it tofu.

I don’t quite understand this hate against vegans.

I’ve never had a beef with them.

If you bury 10 vegans....

Would you get mass grave or compost?

Why don't vegans take risks?

Because their life could be at steak.

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to get on their high horse and the other to chastise them for oppressing the horse.

Everyone on the internet seems to hate vegans, but I don’t really get it.

Personally I’ve ….never had a beef with one.

What do rappers and vegans have in common?

Fake beef

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many vegans does it take to...

None. Nobody needs fucking vegans for anything.

Vegans don't live longer

It just feels like they do

Vegans

A t-Rex met a vegan one day who claimed that she knew the Rex, but he never met herbivore.



Alright I know it’s bad, but I don’t carrot at all. I’ve bean at worse places before.


Btw I would like to state that I believe people can choose to eat whatever they want, and being a...

Vegans are a lot like vampires...

...always going on about their diet "blah, blah-blah"

Vegans

Vegans need to lay off attacking others for their eating habits....

The last thing we need is another Spinach Inquisition.

Can vegans eat pudding?

No, you cant have any pudding if you don't eat your meat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since vegans can't beat their meat what do they call masturbating?

Stem cell research.

Vegans are actually quite good people

Expecially when you use the right spices.
- notes from a cannibal

I've always wondered how vegans survived

No meat, no milk and no eggs. How do they do it? But that's when I realized...
They feed off of attention.

Tesla owners are the new vegans:

How do you know if someone is a Tesla owner?
They'll tell you.

What do christian vegans hunt?

Lettuce prey

What do you call a city full of vegans?

Las Vegans


(badum tsss)

What do you call vegans who are kinda cool?

Radish

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"

Why are most ghosts vegans?

Because it is super natural

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What is the difference between vegans and my ass

Vegans don't eat meat, while my ass has always some meat inside it

Which social media platform vegans hate the most?

Google meet

What do vegans and introverts have in common?

Both avoid meet.

Two vegans walk into a bar

We know they were vegans because they immediately told everyone.

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Why don't Vegans breastfeed their newborns?

Because nobody will have sex with them.

Why do vegans only communicate with each other online?

Because they never meat

What do vegans get at a barbecue restaurant?

Kicked out.

Vegans

Vegans are confusing people. If they care about animals so much, why do they eat all of their food?

Where did Vegans come from?

Hummus Sapiens

Why can't vegans be doctors?

They would eat all of the vegetables.

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