My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for 2 weeks and see how people react.

So far, he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!

I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.

What do rappers and vegans have in common?

Fake beef

How do you kill a vegan vampire?

Drive a steak through it's heart

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit
and vegetables are grocer.

What’s the toughest thing about being a vegan?

Apparently, keeping it to yourself.

An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar...

I only know because they won't shut up about it.

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Why don't vegans moan during sex?

They don't want anyone to know they are satisfied with a piece of meat.

How can you tell someone is vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

I decided to become vegan today

The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.

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What do you call a masturbating Vegan?

A WeedWhacker (sorry if it’s awful first time on this sub)

What do you feed a vegan vampire?

A blood orange!

A vegan, a crossfitter, and a Trump supporter walk into a bar…

But how can you know that?

Oh, they’ll definitely tell you.

What is the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19 ?

With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary..

Vegans...

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered 'beef"

A dispute between two vegans at green grocers shop turned violent when one of them started throwing a leaf vegetable with somewhat jagged leaves at the other! The second vegan responded by picking them up and hurling them back!

It was either kale or be kaled.

How do you know aliens are not vegan?

Because they haven't contacted us to say it.

All my pets are vegan by choice and I know you can't change them!

Say hello to my goat, rabbit and cow

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How can you tell if your joke pisses off a vegan?

Don't worry, they will let you know.

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remember they feed off of attention

I put my Dobermans on a vegan diet and I'm worried about their nutrition.

Between the five of them, they're getting through a vegan a week - am I overfeeding them?

How do you call Bruce Lee's vegan cousin?

Broco Lee

Vegans are a lot like vampires...

...always going on about their diet "blah, blah-blah"

What do you call vegan foie gras?

faux gras

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My uncle was vegan. That made his porn interesting.

The first porno I saw was Debbie Does Sallad.

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to get on their high horse and the other to chastise them for oppressing the horse.

What do you call vegans who are kinda cool?

Radish

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Since vegans can't beat their meat what do they call masturbating?

Stem cell research.

What happens when a vegan gets mad?

They throw a tempeh tantrum.

When two vegans get into a fight......

Is it still called a beef?

What do you call a city full of vegans?

Las Vegans


(badum tsss)

What do vegan black holes say?

"I'm on a strictly planet based diet"

I want to tell you about a vegan girl.

You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

I met Bruce Lee's vegan brother today.

His name is Brocko Lee.

What does a vegan zombie eat?

Graaaaaaaaaaains

Which social media platform vegans hate the most?

Google meet

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What is the difference between vegans and my ass

Vegans don't eat meat, while my ass has always some meat inside it

If a vegan accidentally eats meat...

Do they break out in chives?

Vegans are actually quite good people

Expecially when you use the right spices.
- notes from a cannibal

My friend became a vegan recently.

She’s changed a lot and it’s like I’ve never met herbivore.

What's the number one rule of Vegan Fight Club?

Tell everybody

A vegan, an anti-vaxxer, and a flat earther walk into a bar

I know because they told everyone in 5 minutes.

Nike have unveiled a pair of trainers made from pineapple leather to appeal to Vegans...

They tried other fruits, but reviews said the ones made from bananas felt too much like slippers.

I'm a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

The Vegan Paradox

Vegans eat Legumes......

Yet they say they would never eat anything with a pulse.....

So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck...

... And the ice cream man stops and says, "What can I get for you, Ma'am?" She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

Why was the vegan comet upset?

As he entered the atmosphere he became a little meteor.

What's more fun than a vegan at a BBQ?

Anything. Literally anything.

How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put...

Veganism is like Communism

They are both fine, unless you like food

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I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.

At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

What do my dms and a vegan get together have in common

There's a whole lot of unwanted meet

What do you call a vegan Tyrannosaurus rex?

A tree rex.

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a fat, juicy steak?

I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.

Yo momma is so vegan and fat...

..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between vegans and strippers?

Vegans rub it in your face for free.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vegans don't beat their meat

They jerk their vegetable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy dies and goes to hell

Arriving there, he gets really sad because he didn't expect eternal suffering.
As the devil is receiving him, he asks:
- why are you sad?
The guy replies:
- because now I'll suffer for eternity.
- Relax! - the devil says. - this place ain't as bad as they say. Listen, do you like alc...

What's the difference between a vegan and a straight male submissive?

A vegan craves umami. A male sub craves "ooh mommy".

What do vegan communists really, really enjoy?

the soyviet union.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made a vegan cake out of Pokemon

It was butterfree

Vegan joke

A friend of mine, Hunter, came out as Vegan.

He left our friend group after we started calling him gatherer.

How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?

Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

Annoying a vegan...

...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more

Vegan Meat

I went to a steak restaurant if they had a vegan option available. They told me that all of their meat is vegan.

I was a bit surprised and they offered to show me how they make their food. I was taken to a door near the back where some cows where grazing. One was taken and beheaded. Then an...

Tesla owners are the new vegans:

How do you know if someone is a Tesla owner?
They'll tell you.

Being Vegan gives you a superpower

The power to annoy all of your friends.

This vegan girl said she knew me from somewhere

I told her I never met herbivore

My wife lied about being vegan

She ate animal crackers.

You know why vegans are the nicest people...?

Because they got no beef

So I put my dog on a vegan diet

Don’t worry, I only feed him the finest vegans I can find

What do you call a sunburnt vegan?

A baked bean

I was eating a cheeseburger when I was confronted by a vegan.

The vegan said I should give up killing and eating cows, he said I should start eating vegan. If prepared right, you will get more vitamins and enjoy it more.

At the end of the day, he was right, cooked properly, he was delicious.

What’s the hardest thing about being a vegan that CrossFits?

Trying to decide which one to tell people about first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love how these “vegans'' still drink water

that's a fish's house you bitch!

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

At the urging of some friends I tried eating vegan for a week

It was awful! I couldn’t catch a single one. They’re quick!

An atheist, vegan, and cross fit athlete walk into a bar.

We know this because they all loudly announced it within the first 30 seconds.

I tried a vegan steak the other day and it was really good!

Cannibalism isnt for everyone but I sure like it!

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I couldn’t give a shit about what vegans eat. Cannibals on the other hand...

WHERE’S MY OTHER FUCKING HAND?

A vegan enters a restaurant and asks the waiter for advice what to order.

"A taxi."

AITA for mixing up orders and serving a vegan customer a meat sandwich?

Oops wrong sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

Find something you have in common

Billy is ranting to his friend Joe, that he cannot find a girl for a relationship.

Joe: Well, you need to find a girl you have something in commen with. What about July? You both like musik?

Billy: won't work. I only like rock, she only likes country.

Joe: how about April? You b...

How long does it take a vegan to finish a hamburger?

5 seconds depending on if anybody is watching the dog.

Why are most ghosts vegans?

Because it is super natural

My dog is vegan but he is kind of a hypocrite about it.

He has a fur coat that he always wears.

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